Chapter 7: Li Shishi

  I was lost in thought when the ancient beauty floated down the stairs, her face still flushed with a deep bow to me, and said softly: "Greetings, Master of the Immortal Realm."

  It's all over, it must be Liu Laoliu who brought this new person, but what about this old rascal? What is this thing called Shifu doing in my toilet? And where did Baozi go?

  I didn't have time to ask so many questions, I just felt that the name "Shī Shī" sounded familiar somewhere, and in my haste, I forgot how to address ancient women, mm? Beauty?

  I don't know what got into me, but I blurted out: "What's your surname, young lady?"

  ...then I immediately thought of someone: the lustful and smiling Gao Lishi, then another person from the same dynasty came to mind, and I couldn't help but say: "Li Shishi?"

  Li nodded and smiled: "Exactly."

  Wow, it's really fatal this time, this smile is charming to the bone, no wonder she's a lady from a good family, as Guo Degang said, prostitutes are all skilled women (no wonder he wasn't allowed on Spring Festival Gala), I don't know if Li ** talked about ice and fire, **, SM... in her time.

  Li Mm saw me staring at her, and she revealed a silly smile, awkwardly clearing her throat, softly saying: "Thanks to Liu Xianren (Liu Old Six) for leading the way, I arrived at your esteemed place, just now I have already paid respects to the fairy queen of this realm, thank you for taking care of me, didn't expect to be so rude on my first visit (said with a red face), please forgive me."

  Anyway, let's get down to business. I was familiar with "Jin Ping Mei" at the age of 13, got to know Takeuchi Rumi at 15, and at 17... uh, never mind.

  I smiled and said: "Don't be polite to me, I'm not a god either. From now on, just call me Brother Qiang. Where are Liu Laoliu and your sister-in-law?"

  Li Shishi looked bewildered, so I changed my words: "What about Liu Xianren and Xian Hou?"

  Liu Xianren went hunting, and the Queen Mother went to court.

  The so-called fairy queen going to work is probably Baozi going to work, but what did Liu Laoliu hunt? Fortunately, she added: "Liu Xianren left in a hurry and said that a monster called 'Zhongshiyou' was caught."

  Oh, I see! Liu Lao Liu got stuck with his stocks, serves him right!

  It seems that Liu Lao Liu brought Li Shi Shi to find me, but coincidentally Bao Zi was about to go to work, and neither of them had time. Bao Zi treated Li as my friend, and since Li had an emergency, Bao Zi stuffed him into the toilet and ran away himself - I reckon he also helped lock the door - only those who know me understand Bao Zi.

  I just realized I was sitting on the sofa with my legs crossed, and Li Mm stood respectfully in front of me. I almost blurted out: "Come, sing a song for me..." I reckon even Emperor Song Huizong back then wasn't this arrogant.

  "Sit down, girl. Don't be polite with anyone here. This is where you come to enjoy yourself. In my territory, as long as you don't kill or set fires, you can do whatever you want."

  Li Shishi excitedly said: "So this means I won't have to **anymore?"

  "...Of course, you can blow if you want to, and you don't have to blow if you don't want to. Science has proven that using tissues is not hygienic..."

  Fortunately, Li Shishi didn't understand what I was saying. She said: "You know that the Xiao Guan is wrapped with garlic skin, and I just can't stand that smell."

  Alas, comrades, ideas, ideas!

  At this time, Jing Er stumbled down from upstairs wearing slippers, rubbing his sleepy eyes and stretching out a hand to me: "Give me money, I'll go buy batteries." Li Shishi very politely bowed to him, and Jing Ke foolishly asked: "Newcomer?" I hastily introduced them, and when Li Shishi learned that the person in front of her was indeed Jing Ke, the assassin of Qin, her eyes sparkled, and she deeply bowed again: "Unexpectedly able to meet you here, it's truly a blessing from three lifetimes. In my humble wife's heart, Hero Ke is the greatest hero of all time."

  Just then, a voice came from upstairs, "What's the matter, is he a hero or what? Is it right to say that he should die?" Weng Baozi rushed downstairs in three strides, staring at Li Shishi with dissatisfaction. Li Shishi looked at me in confusion, so I introduced him: "Qin Shi Huang, from now on you call him Brother Weng."

  Li Shishi was embarrassed for a few seconds, then smiled and said: "Calling Jing a hero is to praise him for not fearing the strong Qin, making promises worth a thousand pieces of gold, disregarding personal life and death, and taking risks alone. Your Majesty is also a hero, unifying China, with an aura that swallows mountains and rivers." What a lot of nonsense!

  Qin Shi Huang was delighted, saying: "You're a strange woman, where are you from? I've never seen you before." I quickly said: "She's someone who will appear 1000 years after your death, her husband is in the same line of work as you." Jing Er was completely uninterested in their conversation and stretched out his hand: "Give me money."

  I think I've started to get confused, I didn't expect Liu Lao Liu to keep sending people over to me, and not just anyone, but people who change sex and cross centuries, if this keeps up, it's hard for me to predict whether the next person coming to my place will be Zhao Kuangyin or Nurhaci, or maybe even Fan Lihua? Wang Baochai?

  I gave Jing Ke two dollars and sent him away, then told Qin Shi Huang: "Take your sister upstairs to play - don't bully her!"

  I said Baozi is actually a very kind person, she doesn't know why Li Shishi wears ancient clothes to stroll around the street, but she has already prepared a set of her own clothes for her.

  Li mm went downstairs again, wearing sandals on her feet, revealing her plump toes, and her long cowboy pants accentuated the lines that drove people crazy. She was wearing a very cute HELLO-KITTY short-sleeved T-shirt on top, and then... a bra! The familiar-looking lace-trimmed bra wrapped around Li's body, like a sexy female demon in an online game advertisement, and if she held up a fork or something, it would be even more godlike.

  My head directly fell on the coffee table and bounced a few times, I would rather die than understand why ancient people all had the habit of wearing underwear outside, Li Shishi's IQ is at least over 150, she saw my reaction and turned around to examine herself, asking: "What's wrong?"

  I had no choice but to clasp my hands together in front of my chest and stutter: "This... is worn inside."

  Li Shishi took off her bra, studied it in confusion for a moment, and muttered to herself: "No wonder it's so tight (it seems she needs to be one size larger than baozi)." Only then did she realize I was still there, let out an "ah", turned red in the face, and hastily ran upstairs.

  Left with me alone is actually quite depressing, first I realized that Liu Lao Liu and I are in a relationship where the tree wants to be still but the wind won't stop (it's very suitable to use it here), I will never know if he will appear again in the next second, following who behind him.

  Secondly, I found it very difficult to explain Li mm to Baozi. Although she was nice to Li Shi Shi, that's because she is always like that to outsiders. I even suspect that if someone wanted to kill her whole family, as long as it wasn't me, she would still welcome them with a smile. I have to admit that sometimes when I see beautiful women, some improper thoughts pop into my head, but I guarantee those are just thoughts and nothing more. Baozi's intimidating power is like an antivirus firewall multiplied by infinity, capable of killing off those thoughts in their infancy. She once told me in a very natural and calm tone that if I ever dared to betray her, I would immediately become the modern-day number one practitioner of "The Brocade-Trimmed Jacket", and we have reason to believe she has the capability and confidence to do so.

  The last question is very realistic, that is how the five of us should sleep at night. Of course, I have a most perfect allocation method: I and Li mm together, Baozi single room, Jing Er Zhuang and Ying Pangzi together.

  But often beauty is synonymous with unrealistic, I agree.

  The most realistic distribution method is: Baozi and Lishi sleep in the bedroom. As for me, Er Diao and Pangzi, it seems that how we sleep has become unimportant...