Chapter 6, mm, want paper no

  Here is the translation:

  About how to make Wín Pàngzi and Jīng èr Dǎi become honest for a year, I have a preliminary plan: In the first quarter, I will teach them self-care at home, so they won't be surprised or embarrassed by anything. Given their intelligence level and mentality, this shouldn't be difficult. In the second quarter, I plan to take the two of them to nearby restaurants to eat desserts and whatnot; it should be easy to get through. The third quarter is the most crucial one - the two people will likely feel bored with the dull days, so I'll take them to amusement parks, ride bumper cars, play "Drill into the Sky", and occasionally bring them to sing karaoke. In the fourth quarter, victory is in sight; I won't hesitate to tell them the truth, letting them spend their time hating Yán Wáng (the King of Hell).

  Anyway, can't let anyone know their identities, of course this is a bit redundant, but in fact the first assassin and the first emperor's specific identity in my place is "black", if being targeted by police it would be troublesome.

  With my salary of 1400, I can barely get through the year peacefully. Baozi's salary is only 800 per month, just enough for herself. Baozi is a thrifty and careless person who has no concept of money as long as she doesn't go hungry, and values relationships. After getting along with people for a while, she probably won't object to the two staying behind.

  I've always been worried that Jing Ke would take advantage of my absence to harm Qin Shi Huang, but it seems there's no such indication. He's now fully focused on the little people in the semiconductor, and during dinner, I saw him hiding a few grains of rice in his pocket (my Adidas!). I guess he wants to feed the imaginary little people. I think he's adorable, I did the same thing when I was 3 and a half years old.

  After Winnie the Pooh ate two meals at my place, he was even more convinced that this is a fairyland. At noon, he ate at least 7 liang (a unit of weight) of steamed buns, and in the evening, he added rice twice, eating a few mouthfuls and saying "liang za lei" (Shaanxi dialect for "delicious") each time. This made me suspect that his original reason for unifying the six states was because Qin State's grain supply couldn't even support him alone, and none of the eggplants, cucumbers, radishes, or tomatoes on the table were things he had ever seen before. I'm really curious what vegetables people ate during the Warring States period.

  At night, the four of us watched TV together. I sat on the sofa with my arms around Baozi's waist, while Ying Bao and Jing Er sat on either side of us on small stools. You can imagine it: a man, full and drunk, hugging his own woman, with the greatest assassin in history on one side and the first emperor to unify China on the other - that feeling, wow, for a moment I thought I had become immortal.

  But I think the movie shown on CCTV6 that day was even less suitable for the two new members: "Hero".

  Jing Ke's appearance was tolerable, but the film repeatedly mentioned "Qin Wang" and even had the final subtitle with the three characters "Qin Shi Huang". However, after watching the movie, Weng Pengzi remained completely unaware that Chen Daoming played Qin Shi Huang. Although the costumes temporarily sparked his interest, they were clearly worlds apart from his kingdom. After finishing the film, he said discontentedly: "Tian Ha (below) Tian Ha, this silk zither (matter) is not something I've ever done before! When the time comes and they don't fight, they'll want to fight, who cares about Tian Ha's breath?"

  This is Qin Shi Huang's movie review of "Hero".

  Later, I realized that the real Winnie the Pooh didn't know what the three words "Qin Shi Huang" referred to, because it was a title given by later generations. Although he called himself "Shi Huang Di", probably no one in his lifetime ever pointed at him and called him "Qin Shi Huang".

  Actually, Qin Shi Huang has a great misunderstanding about his current situation. He really thinks this is an all-knowing and all-powerful fairy realm, so he feels that he's nothing special and doesn't think it's necessary to hide his name. I think this is good, as long as no one believes him, I can live in peace and stability.

  Anyway, Baozi didn't believe it, and her comment on Qin Shi Huang's words was: "Fatty can really brag, huh."

  It's been a week since Jing Ke and Qin Shi Huang have been living together in peace. They've both learned to use the shower, turn on and off the TV, but Jing Ke still can't use the remote control, and Qin Shi Huang can only press the numbers 1-9. However, he has mastered using the "+" button to change channels. I'm grateful for the set-top box that brings us so many channels - if there were only a few channels like before, Qin Shi Huang would have figured out how to hack into the system by now! With over 200 channels, his eyes are glued to the screen, and it's hard to tell what's real and what's fake. Jing Ke is obsessed with semiconductors and won't leave them alone - I spent over 20 yuan on batteries for him in just two days. Sometimes I send him out to buy cigarettes for me, and he uses the change to buy candy...

  Qin Shi Huang started from a high point, listening to music directly with MP4, and incidentally fell in love with the camera function. This time he really couldn't bear his curiosity, and had to ask me about it. Before I could answer him, Jing Er Sha classmate had already explained it with his "little man" theory. Qin Shi Huang was half-believing and half-doubting, and finally pulled Jing Er Sha aside to study together. I estimate that after a year of studying with Jing Ke, his intelligence will successfully drop to the level of a 5-year-old child.

  Baozi has become a night shift this week, as expected, she didn't raise any objections. She is a woman who likes excitement, and seems to get along well with Qin Shi Huang.

  The situation is very good.

  After lunch, I went downstairs and sat down. Baozi went back to the room and lay down for a while. At 3 o'clock, he got up and said that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom, so I went out to buy some. I took it as an opportunity to take a stroll around the block, bought a roll of toilet paper, and slowly walked back. When I entered the pawnshop and went upstairs, I saw that Qin Shi Huang and Jing Ke were both sleeping in their respective rooms. My bedroom was empty, so I shouted for Baozi several times, but no one responded to me. I pushed open the bathroom door, only to find it locked from the inside.

  I impatiently knocked twice and said, "Who's locked up, it's me." There was still no movement inside, so I pounded again: "We're an old couple, hurry up and open the door. I've put down the paper and am going downstairs to mind the store." Still, there was no response.

  I was so angry that I randomly tore off the calendar hanging on the toilet door - you may not have forgotten, this door had been stabbed by Jing Ke with a big hole.

  Then I saw an ass.

  "Hey, I know that in all the beauty pageants, no one has ever appeared on stage with their butt exposed. Even if they're being ravished by a villain and need a hero to rescue them, the most that's revealed is a disheveled dress, or at worst, a partially exposed chest."

  But what I saw first was an ass, and then I saw a woman in ancient costume sitting on the toilet urinating. She had already been startled by my knock on the door, and now the door suddenly opened wide, and a man stared straight at his own ass. In her extreme fright, she forgot to take any action, still sitting there stupidly, only subconsciously covering her mouth.

  I was also very embarrassed, and then I said a sentence that made me admire myself: "Do you want paper?"

  After saying that, I put the paper at the door and hurriedly ran downstairs, my fragile little heart was jumping wildly. After calming down for a while, I couldn't help but think of that butt again, it looked so white and smooth, if only I could hold it in my hands, do something with it, plus her ancient costume, imagining her panting voice and appearance, this feeling is really going to kill me! Also don't know when she became friends with Baozi.

  Wait! Why is Baozi's friend wearing ancient clothes?

  Rehearse? You don't have to bring the play home to rehearse, do you?!

  Then a face that was extremely owed to beating suddenly flashed in my mind - Liu Lao Liu, it must be him! Is this... uh... ancient costume beauty my third client?