[3:00 P.M.] Me
Waltuh
It’s time to take your meds Waltuh
You’re gonna have seizures without them Waltuh
[3:00 P.M.] Riley
I am the one whose body can’t function without 7 medications
Okay now I’m not going to die
Thank youuu
Now where was I...
[3:01 P.M.] Me
Where would you be without me?
[3:02 P.M.] Riley
Probably tweaking on the floor with a bunch of raw chicken breast slices on my face and covered in boiling water and grease
[3:02 P.M.] Me
You’re cooking a whole chicken breast for LUNCH?
[3:05 P.M.] Riley
It’s fine dining baby, and you don’t get any
[3:06 P.M.] Me
Me and my airfryer are perfectly happy together, thank you very much
[3:08 P.M.] Riley
Oh, nice. You make a lot of fries with it?
[3:08 P.M.] Me
I am so so so grateful for my french fries
I had two full bags of them yesterday and ate both of them
And there was TWO MORE when I woke up this morning
[3:10 P.M.] Riley
Awesome, so you’ll be leaving the game in 148 days with the diabetes/heart disease McCombo
[3:11 P.M.] Me
the diabetes/heart disease McCombo.
I fucking hate you
[3:12 P.M.] Riley
??
[3:12 P.M.] Me
That's the meanest thing anyone has ever said about my diet
[3:12 P.M.] Riley
Well you won't know for sure until you get your memory back
[3:13 P.M.] Me
I don't need to take this from you
Don't count on me to remind you to take your prescriptions anymore
I hope your chronic disease kills you now
[3:14 P.M.] Riley
:(?
[3:14 P.M.] Me
Aw okay nevermind I'm sorry
[3:16 P.M.] Riley
:)!
I loooove you Shaye
Even though I’ve only known you for a day
[3:16 P.M.] Me
Oo that rhymed
You should write a poem about me
[3:17 P.M.] Riley
Wow, that sounds like a... really bad idea
[3:17 P.M.] Me
That’s how all great ideas start
[3:18 P.M.] Riley
Not... really
But I’ll do my best
Hang on, I’m tapping into my inner Robert Frost
[3:21 P.M.] Me
Warming up in the microwave
[3:23 P.M.] Riley
Alright, listen to this:
Oh Shaye, my Shaye—
I've known you only a day—
But I still wanna say—
I loooooOOOOove yooou bAaae—
Oh, Shaye Sullivan—
You are more delicious than a mulligan—
Like, a stew, that kind of mulligan—
I don't know what else rhymes with Sullivan—
My Shaye, oh Shaye, you are a sight to see—
Without you I would be dead from my epilepsy—
One day in the real world when you can see me—
I will cook you a real dinner with some fine chianti.
How's that?
I said I was tapping my inner Robert Frost but wrote like Emily Dickinson instead for some reason
[3:26 P.M.] Me
I'm speechless
That's the worst poem anyone has ever written
And it was just for me
[3:28 P.M.] Riley
Really? I felt like I was kind of on fire at the end there
I was spitting like a roast
[3:29 P.M.] Me
I'll give you points for that last rhyme, yes
[3:30 P.M.] Riley
Now if you'll excuse me, if I keep holding my phone while stirring noodles I'm going to drop it in boiling water
[3:30 P.M.] Me
Hmph. Fine. You cook your delicious meals. I'll just be here. WAITING.
I can keep watching Friends ALL DAY if I have to
[3:31 P.M.] Riley
??
Can always count on you, girlie
Me[133-341-1489], Tyrell[133-669-5857]
[4:39 P.M.] Tyrell
Music is so frickin cool man
I want to get a guitar or a keyboard or sum
[4:44 P.M.] Me
Uh
Did you only start listening to music yesterday
[4:45 P.M.] Tyrell
The game started yesterday?
[4:47 P.M.] Me
No it’s just saying you like music is the most obvious thing in the world
It’s like saying “Oh you know what I’m really liking right now? Movies”
Like no shit buddy
[4:48 P.M.] Tyrell
Oh I get it, you were just being snarky
Well maybe I just wasn’t a real music-head back in the real world
But not like I’d know
Because I don’t remember my life in the real world
But I know right now
That the stuff I’m hearing is really cool
[4:50 P.M.] Me
Maybe you were in a band back in the real world
[4:50 P.M.] Tyrell
Oh my god that would be sick if true
If I had a band I would call it The Runk Pockers
[4:51 P.M.] Me
I’m gonna level with you, that's an absolutely atrocious band name
[4:51 P.M.] Tyrell
You get it? Because it’s like The Punk Rockers but the P and the R are switched?
[4:52 P.M.] Me
That somehow makes it worse
[4:52 P.M.] Tyrell
Well that’s your opinion
I’ve gotta find other musicheads in this game so I can form that band
[4:53 P.M.] Me
Trust me, you’ll have no problem looking for fans of music anywhere
Have you been DMed by the music collector yet?
[4:54 P.M.] Tyrell
The WHAT?
Is that some eldritch creature? Or creepypasta?
[4:54 P.M.] Me
No it’s just some guy who calls himself the music collector that texted me to ask for every album I have
[4:55 P.M.] Tyrell
Wait, like to send the albums TO him?
[4:55 P.M.] Me
No I just told him the names of everything
[4:56 P.M.] Tyrell
Oh
I’m stupid
Thought there was some thing about the game I missed
In any case that seems like a guy I should be getting to know
Maybe he’ll share his music collection with me
Andmaybejoinmybandhehehehehe
[4:58 P.M.] Me
Yeah, feel free to run “The Runk Pockers” past him
[4:59 P.M.] Tyrell
I'll make it happen, you'll see
The Runk Pockers will be the biggest stars this game sees
Setting aside the technicalities of trying to record music via these phones
ALERT: A FEW SELECT PLAYERS OVERNIGHT RECEIVED CROSSWORD PUZZLES AS AN EXTRA ENTERTAINMENT OPTION. LAUNCHING TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE A DAILY SUBSCRIPTION TO RECEIVE MORE PUZZLES EVERY MORNING. TO SUBSCRIBE, WRITE YOUR INTENT TO DO SO ON A REQUEST NOTE.
[5:00 P.M.] Tyrell
OH MY GOD THAT SCARED ME SO BAD
[5:00 P.M.] Me
*Holy shit I can’t believe they just jumpscared us with a loud ass TV announcement two days in a row*
I am so mad
[5:01 P.M.] Tyrell
BUT WHOA
CROSSWORDS
Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.
I mean wow, I didn’t know we were getting THAT pampered
A crossword subscription sounds so cool
[5:03 P.M.] Me
Don’t talk to me I just spilled my glass of milk on my feet
[5:03 P.M.] Tyrell
Oh no
I’m not laughing I swear
[5:08 P.M.] Me
Good because if you were laughing I would punch you
[5:09 P.M.] Tyrell
This great folly of yours is absolutely no laughing matter
Now you go wash your wet socks
[5:13 P.M.] Me
You do NOT understand how much I hate walking barefoot
Especially when I just spilt something on them and now my skin is drying up
This is the worst feeling ever
[5:13 P.M.] Tyrell
Dry feet? Honestly it’s better than wet feet if you ask me...
[5:15 P.M.] Me
I didn’t
[5:18 P.M.] Tyrell
Also wow I completely only thought the sticky note requests were only for food stuff
Can we ask for other stuff on them too? Like a new TV or something?
[5:24 P.M.] Me
Speaking of requests, did you remember to ask for the Buffalo Wild Wings ranch for your salad yesterday?
[5:24 P.M.] Tyrell
Oh NO
Ratdammit I flubbed it
Just slap a kick me poster on my back and get it over with, I'm an idiot
[5:25 P.M.] Me
You know what? I think you might be
[5:27 P.M.] Tyrell
I don't want you to agree with me on that
Mannnnn I want that ranch so bad
[5:30 P.M.] Me
Why don't you write it down NOW?
[5:31 P.M.] Tyrell
And then while I'm at it subscribe to the daily crosswords?
Wait is that like a paid subscription
I don't want to do it if I have to pay money
[5:33 P.M.] Me
It didn't say anything about that in the message
[5:40 P.M.] Tyrell
You're right it didn't...
Maybe it IS free?
There's free subscriptions out there, right?
[5:41 P.M.] Me
Yeah, like newsletters
[5:41 P.M.] Tyrell
LIKE NEWSLETTERS
Well, I'll just shoot my shot and see what happens...
[5:42 P.M.] Me
It's not like you aren't swimming in cash already, Mr. Runk Pocker
[5:42 P.M.] Tyrell
You're so RIGHT
I can afford whatever this game offers me, I'm SWIMMING in Runk Pockers money
[5:45 P.M.] Me
I would genuinely be surprised if that were true
[5:49 P.M.] Tyrell
"Thank you for your undying support, Shaye," I said sarcastically
[5:50 P.M.] Me
??
Me[133-341-1489], Riley[133-474-7366]
[5:00 P.M.] Riley
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK
THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE
THAT STUPID FUCKING ALERT THAT WOKE ME UP YESTERDAY WAS BAD ENOUGH
BUT TO DO IT AGAIN JUST TO ANNOUNCE CROSSWORD PUZZLES?!?!?!?!
[5:04 P.M.] Me
Ohhhhhhh I'm unironically steaming mad at the people running this game
My face is beet red rn.
[5:05 P.M.] Riley
SAME
STEAM SHOOINTG OUT OF MY EARS
SHOOTING*
FUCK
MY HEARTBEAT IS RACING SO FAST
IF THEY DO THAT AGAIN IT'S OVER
[5:09 P.M.] Me
I was just trying to chill sitting at my counter
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
When my fucking television screamed ALERT at me
And I thought there like a NUCLEAR BOMB coming at me
And I immediately turn my body around
AND KNOCK MY FUCKING CUP OF MILK OVER
SO IT FALLS OFF THE COUNTER AND HITS MY FOOT
AND I STEP OFF THE STOOL INTO A PUDDLE OF FUCKING MILK
IN MY SOCKS??????
[5:10 P.M.] Riley
OOOOOH MMNOOOOOO
[5:11 P.M.] Me
And this milk is still like halfway full
This is like not even five minutes out of the fridge
I was so excited to drink it too I LOVE milk
[5:11 P.M.] Riley
Ooooooh cold liquid on your socks
You FELT that
I am absolutely devastated on your behalf
Why would they wait until 5:00 to send that alert if some people already had crosswords this morning
That had to cause so much confusion
[5:13 P.M.] Me
This game has to have been created by teenagers dude
They saw me drop into my spilled milk and just laughed their asses off
[5:14 P.M.] Riley
DUDE YOU’RE RIGHT I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FUCKING GUINEA PIG IN HERE
“Hey dude you know what would be really funny to do to those stupid idiots we’ve trapped in a box? Throw crosswords at them and blast the reminder at full volume without warning”
[5:16 P.M.] Me
Real.
What’s the next big announcement gonna be? “ALERT!!! WAKE UP IDIOTS, IT’S 5 A.M. AND WE LEFT LITTLE CUPS OF PUDDING ON YOUR COUNTER TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST! THEY COME WITH SPOONS!”
[5:16 P.M.] Riley
THEY COME WITH SPOOOOONS??????
[5:18 P.M.] Me
ALERT! DONT GO TO ALEEP YET IF YOU LIKED THOSE CROSSWORD PUZZLES YOULL LOVE THE LITTLE SPIDERMAN LEGO SETS WE LEFT FOR YOU BY THE TV! ITS GOT A GREEN GOBLIN AND A LITTLE SPIDER MOBILE!
[5:19 P.M.] Riley
WHATS THE SPIDER MOBILE
STOOOOOP??????
“ALERT: WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS, IF YOU LOOK TO YOUR LEFT YOULL SEE WE LEFT EACH PLAYER AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TEDDY BEAR BY THEIR PILLOWS TO SNUGGLE YOUR STRESS AWAY
[5:21 P.M.] Me
Wait I would actually love an emotional support teddy bear
Do you think if I ask for one on a request sticky note they’ll give me one
[5:24 P.M.] Riley
Oh shit you should try that
Also hear me out if they’re gonna send us legos I need them to be bionicles, those are so cool
I would make the fucked up guys and play with them literally all day
[5:25 P.M.] Me
Mmmmm…
You’re really good at tempting me with good ideas.
[5:29 P.M.] Riley
WE SHOULD BOTH ASK FOR BIONICLES
We can make our little squads of bionicle guys
And make wacky names for them
And do silly role playing shit with them
And just go fucking crazy with bionicles all day
And send like pictures of them back and forth
And god I sound like a 5-year-old right now
[5:30 P.M.] Me
Girl I am so fucking on board
[5:31 P.M.] Riley
EEEEEEEEEE
You’re my hero Shaye
[5:32 P.M.] Me
I know >:)
Me[133-341-1489], James[133-553-3459]
[5:51 P.M.] James
Duuuuudde
Ffffffffffffffu
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC
[5:55 P.M.] Me
*good god*
Hi James
Are you joining the crossword subscription
[5:55 P.M.] James
I'm withdrawing so bdad right now
[5:56 P.M.] Me
It's not even 6:00 yet have you already burned through your weed supply
[5:56 P.M.] James
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodkljhdiekhvnfjf
[5:56 P.M.] Me
Stop mashing your face on your keyboard
Get it together
[5:58 P.M.] James
DUUUUUUUUIUIIUIUIUIUIUIUD
Why did hthye only gibve mer that onre w boel
thats waskike krhing
notging
GGGHHEHGGDFIFOPOTOOTOSAFAGVABABnawoi
[6:01 P.M.] Me
Only one bowl?
The one you found yesterday?
[6:05 P.M.] James
Yyyeyh
EhHHOOOEEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEH
Bro uts soooo baaaad
[6:07 P.M.] Me
Did you check if they left another one for you last night
[6:07 P.M.] James
noo
[6:07 P.M.] Me
Well it wouldn't hurt to look would it
[6:08 P.M.] James
Wate
[6:08 P.M.] Me
What
[6:08 P.M.] James
Wate
[6:10 P.M.] Me
??? ???
Are you trying to spell "wait"
[6:10 P.M.] James
O yea
[6:10 P.M.] Me
I think you're illiterate
[6:11 P.M.] James
Ya
WAIT
Ooooheheheheheh
[6:11 P.M.] Me
Did you find another bowl
[6:16 P.M.] James
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeheeeeeeeeee
It wear i found thefridtgibeoneone
[6:17 P.M.] Me
Dear god
*Where you found the first one?*
[6:21 P.M.] James
Yha
Oooooooooooooooo@@@@&&&&@@@‘m
Thhfats beter
[6:23 P.M.] Me
You elude my understanding
[6:27 P.M.] James
Heheeeeeeee
Watching amazingwo rld of gunmball
[6:28 P.M.] Me
Good for you, buddy
I'm proud of you for enjoying Cartoon Network at age 21
[6:30 P.M.] James
Yeeeee
Is so funny bro
Likebwhy that is there that bitch mader of paper
[6:30 P.M.] Me
I don’t know James
[6:41 P.M.] James
Dude
[6:43 P.M.] Me
Yes James?
[6:43 P.M.] James
Itds socfiunny
so ufnny
Im making lunch
[6:43 P.M.] Me
Making lunch at 6:00?
[6:44 P.M.] James
YA
MAKINF A PBJ
[6:44 P.M.] Me
Is peanut butter and jelly the only thing you know how to make
[6:44 P.M.] James
Lolllll
Im making my pbj
And like
JhhehhhehshhEHEHEEH
Kikel why am i
Hang on cant thjnk of the words
[6:46 P.M.] Me
That’s twice you’ve accidentally typed a jewish slur
[6:48 P.M.] James
Lol
Like whu put like i alredy put have nhhtbekjuelly kn onebresd
Anf im justg outettin likr preemtutbuter onthe other onte
Heheheeeeeeeem
[6:50 P.M.] Me
I seriously question your literacy
[6:50 P.M.] James
Izs fjnyy cas likr ihgave brthtk ofo thrme nd jhstihhhu smmdsasSMASG THHE M TOGETHTRR LLOLLLLLLL
[6:50 P.M.] Me
Are you even trying to type words my man
[6:51 P.M.] James
Inm ficking bBAKED BHHEEEHEEE
[6:51 P.M.] Me
You’re baked, got it
I guess weed just removes english from your vocabulary
[6:54 P.M.] James
You shhdould watch humball to
LMAAOOOOOOOLLLLL ONE OF GYJRM IS A VALLOONNNNNNN
[6:55 P.M.] Me
You better not disrespect my best buddy Alan
[6:57 P.M.] James
Alennnnnnn
Is alaen a girl
[6:58 P.M.] Me
Don’t you have better people to text while stoned
[6:59 P.M.] James
IS theb aLLOON A GIRL
[6:59 P.M.] Me
I’m not gonna answer any further questions
Have a good night Mr. James
[7:00 P.M.] James
Itdn playing freugkglar show now
[7:05 P.M.] James
LMAOOOOO WHYDFS THSI GUYS HEAD A GGHEAD A GUMBALL MACHNINE LOOOOOOOL
[7:12 P.M.] James
Youg otsaa watch thisu bro this episode is fuhucking crazy
[7:29 P.M.] James
Heheheeeeeeeeeee??????????