Not understanding Alex’s POV, Tony always just tells her “Because I loves you” and that’s the truth and all there is to it.
But Alex has been hurt too many times to accept something simplistic on her own.
The good thing is that Tony has the mental strength to let Alex have an emotional conversation - which was hard to get to because in the past- those earned her some form of abuse or other.
> > > > We’re gonna jump into the height of an emotional conversation
Tony is almost creepily calm as he asks me, “What exactly do you mean when you ask me that?”
Excuse me?!
I let out a sigh as I work to match his volume. “Well… this is probably the worst time to bring this up but I’m just gonna do it.”
I begin rambling but I don’t care. I want to know.
“Elliot told me it was because I was willing to see past his issues… even thought that just hurt me. Zach told me it was because he saw me as the only person he could really vent to because I was one of the few people who knew about his home life … even though he’d never listen to me. My point is- toxic or not- they both cared about me because I gave them something they wanted …”
My voice cracks and I finally have to break eye contact. “But what do I do for you? What do I offer you that matters so much?!”
I glance at Tony and…
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Why does he look so shocked?
What did I say that could visibly affect him this way?
Why does he look like he’s about to cry?
“Alex I’m sorry.”
“What? Why are you apologizing? If anything- I should apologize for dumping that on you.”
“Actually, I take it back. I’m not sorry.”
“What?” Him saying this immediately takes me out of my panic…
And now I’m just shocked and listening.
He casually tells me, “I’m not sorry because- well- I don’t have a reason.”
“You… don’t?”
Tony is confident and sure of himself: “I wish I could say there was more to it or there’s some- some tangible logic to it… but there isn’t.”
He slips his hand into mine and looks me in the eyes. “You make me happy, and I want to make you happy, and that’s all there is to it.”
I’m touched…
I dumbly ask, “You mean that?”
“I do. I could spend hours trying to figure out some reason… like I’m trying to find some missing piece in an equation. But you're not an equation, and neither am I.”
I don’t know why but that makes me let out a small laugh, and Tony doesn’t miss that.
“We’re humans, and sometimes, we just go on instinct and do what feels right.”
I murmur a small “Yeah.” because I understand him so clearly right now.
He concludes: “And nothing feels more right than being here with you.”
I glance at myself, and the space around us as I poke a little fun at him. “You want to sit in a poorly lit room and yank me out of a breakdown?”
Seeming almost proud of himself, Tony declares, “I’ve done it before, and I’d do it again.”
His eyes are shining.
I glance at the ground and smile a little. “Yeah… actually, you have done this before. When I had a meltdown- I think it was third grade. You spent almost half an hour helping me.”
I realize this could set up a pattern… a bad pattern.
I look at Tony. “But I don’t want you to have to keep helping me figure out things I guess I shouldn’t really be worrying about.”
“You’re allowed to feel worried about things. This was a real thing to worry about”
“I know, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to pick up all the pieces… if that makes any sense.”
His voice seems confused. “I didn’t pick up all the pieces. Or at least, I don’t feel like I did… I don’t know- I told you truth, and you seem like that made you feel better, telling the truth isn’t really a big deal, and… yeah.”
He’s fumbling.
Fumbling perfectly.
I tease him, “You did not just say
He smirks, “I totally just did.”