Ren gulped.
The can had already vaporised.
Ren groaned.
He tried one last, final, bootleg skibidi attempt.
"ERUPT YOU DAMN HAT-ROCK!"
..........yeah, you know where this is going.
Nothing happened.
But then, something that shouldn't have happened, happened.
Ren just flopped down on the edge of the train compartment, legs swinging off the side like he didn't just cheat death for the fifteenth time this week.
The inactive volcano spirit's (??) skin glowed below, magma lights flickering like broken promises.
Ren sighed.
How? Just freaking HOW had he gone from 'seventeen year old doomscroller at 2 AM who just broke up' to 'a viral video of a semi-nude teen flying over an airport, trying to bomb a volcano spirit into submission in order to collect five wigs to save himself'?
As if reading his mind, Ubume responded:
||Sleep!||
Ren stared...
...and did just that.
~~~
Ren groaned as he flopped onto the grass, arms splayed out like a starfish.
The sky above was an endless swirl of indigo and scattered constellations, the kind of night that made even the dumbest of his problems feel small. A cool breeze rustled the leaves, and he shivered— not from the cold, but from the feeling of existing so peacefully.
Jorogumo sat beside him, absently toying with a strand of her hair, while Karasujin leaned against a tree, arms crossed, his feathers rustling with irritation.
Aka Manto was apparently glued to a toilet floating nearby, humming tunelessly.
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The tree above them all was dry— not the drought type dry, but as if someone plucked every damn fruit and leaf on it. On the highest branch, sat a drunk old man with an elongated head and a smug expression on his yellow eyes. Nurarihyon.
Ren sighed.
This was his disaster squad, his band of misfit yokai, just hanging around like this was normal.
And maybe, for him, it was ........fine?
Jorogumo mused, glancing at him.
||You're awfully quiet||
Nurarihyon added.
||For once||
Ren huffed.
"Damn, can't a guy have a moment without getting roasted?"
Jorogumo chuckled, and before Ren could react, she reached over and flicked a stray leaf from his hair, her claws barely grazing his scalp.
||There. Presentable.||
Ren stared at her.
He muttered:
"Gross"
But the warmth in his chest betrayed him.
For once, he wasn't running, getting scammed, or screaming.
Just... existing.
And damn, that was nice.
Ren closed his eyes........
~~~
Ren woke up with a start.
He was still sitting on the edge of the train compartment, legs swinging off the side like he didn't just cheat death for the fifteenth time this week.
He glanced at Ubume.
"Well, boss? What now?"
Ubume just shrugged.
||To be honest, I myself don't really know what to do right now.||
Ren's soul left the chat.
"WTF? NOW WH—"
||Throw that thing away. Why are you still holding it?||
Ren stopped raving.
He glanced at the glowing artefact in his hand. The damn button which invoked Kaifu.
And then, he had a plan.
A plan that would be studied in future classes as a masterpiece of a plan.
A plan so worthy, Karasujin himself might not have thought of it.
He looked at the glowing artefact.
It seemed to be looking back at him.
As if it were mocking him.
Ren smirked.
"Aight, bet. About time this stupid side quest was dealt with!"
He looked at the artefact for the last time....
.....and YEETED it into Mount Fuji.
The artefact spun mid-air in slow motion like it was in a Michael Bay movie, caught the moonlight just right, and—
CLUNK.
It bounced off the rim of Mt. Fuji like a rejected coin in a vending machine.
Ren's face collapsed into pure betrayal.
"...oh you've GOT to be shitting me—"
BOOM.
The mountain rumbled.
The skies cracked open like a bad breakup text.
The ground shook.
Ren was blasted backward by the shockwave, arms flailing, hair on anime mode, and for a hot second he thought he died and turned into a vending machine.
But no.
He was alive.
And Fuji was pissed.
Deep from the crater, an earth-splitting roar echoed, followed by a geyser of molten lava that launched straight into the clouds.
The volcano wasn’t just awake.
It was angry.
And so was Kaifu.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! BONPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!"
The voice exploded from the depths like the wrath of a god who's had enough of teenagers and their side quests.
Ren crawled to his feet, coughing up ash.
His shirt was half-burned, his face was blackened, and his dignity? Nowhere in sight.
Ubume stared blankly, sipping her ghost margarita.
||Aight. I'm out.||
And then she yeeted herself off the train.
The train reversed by itself.
Ren turned to see lava spirits rising, the sky turning red, and Kaifu's molten body forming in the smoke.
He whispered:
"...I done fu—"
