Scarlet POV (2021 January)

  I feel guilty. I should have been patient with him, but God knows how difficult it is to handle him when he is out of control. I don’t have such strength. I don’t understand him. I don’t understand him when he is mad. Like he said he is truly a monster. I shouldnt think of him that way but it is just the truth. I hope he can fix it but it looks like he can't and the rest of the days went by without much troubles there were occasional mood changes from him but they were alright. The most loathesome thing about his anger is he takes it all on me cursing, blaming and disrespecting me, the worse part is he who appreciated God now takes his fury on him too. Doesn’t he knows this all leads to the cycle of hurt and fully drains me and drags me away from him?

  I don’t quite understand him!

  Why can’t he control his anger? Out of every single human being the only human being that I do not want to see in that rage is him, but I never succeeded in taming that monster. Does that mean I am incapable or unworthy of being his?

  Maybe is or maybe not

  The whole past week after christmas was a total mess where I failed to tame his monster and where he failed to not scatter his favourtie glass. He ran the rat race of emotions where he would hurt me and then apologise hoping the glass that scattered into million pieces would eventually conjugate and heal like it was before it was fallen.

  It never works that way Pathum! It never does!

  Why can’t he see it? Every single day I held onto the tiny hope that remains after every episode of disaster. But sometimes the hope remains but not my life anymore.

  And it was the dawn of the new year , 2021 .

  Pathum ; Happy new year sweetie!

  Scarlet ; wish you the same sweetie!

  Pathum ; what a year was 2020 and now we got a whole new year. It is going to be awesome.

  Scarlet ; it surely is .

  Pathum ;’hmm..

  Scarlet ; you okay ?

  Pathum ; why’d you care?

  Scarlet ; please it is just the beginning of the new year. don’t do that, don’t get mad please, I can't argue with you.

  Pathum ; sleep

  Scarlet ; im not sleepy, besides I won't leave you.

  Pathum ; then I am going to , bye

  And with that he went offline.

  Please Pathum why are you doing this?

  Atleast he is not taking his anger and pasting mud over the newly painted house. The house which was constantly being broken in which he painted instead of being held by a new brick. This is whaT happens when you place a stroke of paint when it is supposed to be held by a brick and a stroke of cement. He did hurt me unintentionally or intentionally but his apology may have meant a world to him but for me It’s merely like a castle build on water, the castle might not break under the influence of storms but how come it not when all it is a stroke of sand rather than cement?

  Please Pathum come back to me!

  He didn’t.

  I texted few messages and waited for his reply for few minutes. With every passing minutes my eye lids became heavier and might heart felt a stab going deeper into the core.

  That was my new year and when I was about to exit I got a message , it was a new year message and it was from nobody but him. So eventually he tricked me into believing he is mad so that he could surprise me with his new message.

  Boy he got me well.

  Pathum ; heeyooooo ! happy happy new year sweetie!

  Scarlet ; you got me gosh don’t ever trick me ! gosh I got so scared.

  Pathum ; hehehe sollyyyy I love youu

  Scarlet ; I love you too!

  Pathum ; sweetie sleep well and when you get up in the morning do read the message. I will study until you comeback.

  I am lucky but boy I don’t understand him, I know he love me , I know he loves me so much but sometimes I am confused. No I don’t doubt my boy , I know he loves me well but I cant figure out who is the demon behind his monster? I have to help him. If I don’t help him he will be in lot of troubles.

  So the next morning the first thing I did was seeing that precious gift of his. I opened the new year document

  The new year document ;

  Happy new year 2021!!!

  So sweetie it is an new year, a new year to start. A brand new year where we can go for the glory. So I do like to talk about year 2020, I am sorry yes it is the corona year but for God sake it was one of the best years of my life if I call it right it was the most perfect year of my 18 year old life. The most perfect happiest year of my life. And the years that is to come is even better I believe. But I do like to have a brief comment on 2020, march 13th at 10.15 p.m I met you, well thats according to my timezone. I met the most wonderful girl in my life, I couldn’t be more happier , I love her so much I love her so very much, I devote my whole self to her if need come. 2020 was a shocking year the corona and you were both surprises to me but they were blessings disguised. How can corona be so sweet? Because it gave me a 6 month vacation the longest I ever had in my life and to spent those 6 months God also gave me the biggest blessing its you ‘’Scarlet’’ . I got you . Imagine how wonderful the year was to me. I am sorry it was a tragic year for most people but it wasn’t tragic for us, I know we shouldnt be happy but it is what it is, it wasn’t bad for both of us and it turned out to be just good.

  Also in 2020 I started the year while downloading free samples of amazon kindle books I downloaded like a 100, it was wonderful except the fact that I didn’t got the chance to read any of them. But theres one important thing a noteworthy thing, that is I started 2020 all alone, single but I didnt end it like wise, I ended 2020 with the most wonderful blessing in my life. So scarlet I am proud to call you my girlfriend and I am grateful to call you mine I thank God for you eventhough I hurt you and God you both know I love you very much, infact I love scarlet more than I love God. Yes there is 2 people in my life I love the most that is you and mom or in other words MOM and LIL MOM.

  Someone else in this glorious world may find humour in it but you know it aint the same for us. There is no shame in calling the most beautiful girl as my lil mom but it Is not the physical beauty that got my attention. Its your heart I loved first , remember that very well. I love you and I am sorry for hurting you, I really am so sorry, you don’t understand how sorry I am , I wanna die everytime I see you in tears, it breaks me ,but please Scarlet please help me don’t ever leave me for my monster, I will fiind a way to kill that monster and be a calm person. Please believe in me.

  I want to spend this amaxing year with you and I am hopeful that this year will become the very best year of my life compared to my last. It will be amazing and full of surprises and joy. I will cherish each day with you and live onto do just good for the world. We are going to do better this year, amazing stuff would happen this year. I believe it and I know you believe it too.

  Thank you!

  I love you!!

  That was a wonderful new year message. I loved every bit of it and I want every bit of it to be true. Like he said we can do it together . just like he helped me with my troubles now it is my turn to help him out and soon it be all well.

  I got up from bed and had my breakfast and that was when mom came into my room.

  ‘’ get ready we gotta go.’’ mom said.

  ‘’ go where ?’’ I asked

  ‘’ you got work to do , what do you think ? that you can stay in your bed and eat and chat all day ? nope you got work to do .’’ mom replied ,5 minutes later I was in her car. And we drove for 10 minutes and stopped by near a farm it was one of mom’s friend who owns the farm.

  ’’ you are a big girl now, it is time you learn to earn.’’ mom tapped me in the shoulder.

  ‘’ okay, so I have to take care of the animals?’’

  ‘’ yep they will inform you about the work.’’ mom replied, we walked through the front gate and her friend was there helping a coworker with a horse.

  ‘’ hello Daisy! Hello scarlet!’’ she welcomed both of us. We drank some fruit juice and she told me everything that needs to be done and how things need to work out.

  ‘’ when is your graduation?’’

  ‘’ next year .’’ I simply replied.

  ‘’ oh looking forward to it? ‘’ it’s funny how my graduation has not even started and I am at work when my dear lovely sister whose gonna be graduated this year has not stepped away from her sleeping beauty pageant. She still on bed and I am here supposed to do work

  God I can’t.

  ‘’ absolutely.’’ I forced a smile. Not because that’s what my mom wanted me to do but because this lady doens’nt deserve my crap for hers.

  ‘’ I told her everything how she needs to take care of the animals. I hope she got no questions and we are good to go?’’ she told my mom and looked at me expecting a nod, so I nodded.

  ‘’ and remember there will be no chatting while work.’’ mom said looking at me.

  ‘’ okay mom.’’ I replied not wanting to have troubles.

  ‘’ I will come to get you at 6. until then enjoy.’’ she replied and got to her vehicle . a minute later she was gone. So it was me and the animals there are fewer people in the farm. I looked at every corners , there were some hogs in the mud , six or seven horses and sheeps and goats.

  I worked from the morning to afternoon and then evening it was boring especially since I get no chance to talk to him, I miss him , I lost the only day that I had to talk to him due to a job. What am I supposed to do right? I couldn’t disagree with mom, I had to say yes because somebody have to earn to pay, I don’t understand why do I have to work and Abigail could have fun banter. That doesnt seem alright , it seem so wrong but it is what it is. Thats how things work here in my life.

  I helped with animals , feeding them washing them and making sure they went to their respective cages, it wasn’t any hardwork I loved working, I don’t mind getting some mud in me. It is always a pleasure to be with animals. I made friends with a horse named Jelly, she is brown in colour and tall as me 5ft, and enjoy licking my face haha.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  That what fun .

  And there was this cat named Garfield a fat cat , they say he goes by the name of the cartoon,I had no idea what the cartoon was but okay if he goes by that name so be it.

  When did we ever watched any cartoons? huh?!

  What I hate about being alone is I don’t get the chance to share how I feel with him, I don’t want to keep these things to myself I wanna express how I feel and what I feel for him so that he knows what I do and I know what he do. But unfortunately that is not how our lives work they work in exact opposite of how they were supposed to be, if I was the favourite daughter or If I was Abigail I would surely get 24/7 to talk to him.

  But I am Scarlet. I don't have such whims and fancies.

  Mom came to pick me up but it was an hour later, so all that means is that I have one hour less to talk to him. Thats not good news , once we got home I got a quick shower.

  Pathum ; How was your job?

  Scarlet ; it was quite okay, I got less work to do, just taking care of Jelly , Garfield and few other hogs and horses.

  Pathum ; sounds fun!

  Scarlet ; it was fun but I wasn’t quite okay .

  Pathum ; I know why

  Scarlet ; do you?

  Pathum ; there weren't any boys

  Scarlet ; true except I was only missing one boy.

  Pathum ; awheee! Did you know he studied so well today while you were away I did the 2018 full biology paper and scored 70 %

  Scarlet ; I am so proud of you , I am glad the day went well for you , I was worried about you, but I am glad you managed it well.

  Pathum ; and I am so proud of you sweetie, you worked hard alone , I am proud to call you my girlfriend, you are such a amazing girl.

  Scarlet ; and you are a amazing boy, so was there any news about the exam?

  Pathum ; no updates so far but we are positive that the exam will be postponded it will move from August to somewhere far.

  Scarlet ; that good news or bad?

  Pathum ; neutral!

  Scarlet ; wow! Is that so?

  Pathum ; yes since it will be postponded I will get more days to study that is true but the other factor is I have to keep things in my mind for another month or so , so yes eventhough I get a advantage by gaining days I also have a disadvantage because I have to hold onto the subject matter for another period of time.

  Scarlet ; I understand that sir.

  Pathum ; that is my girl!

  Scarlet ; I love you

  Pathum ; and I love you too

  Scarlet ; I love you more

  Pathum ; I love you even more

  Scarlet ; you are so cute sweetie

  We continued harmless flirting for another 4 hours , it wasn’t flirting it was never flirting . someone else might see it as flirting. But it is not flirting you can argue all day but it is never flirting it is taking care of your loved ones and being together. I love him and he loves me and we are for each other, whats so wrong with it?

  It was around 2 am when I fell asleep.

  Days went by and things were cool, I had to work on the farm on every Saturday and I gained few dollars enough to pay my bills.

  And the day arrived its the day my boy is officially an nineteen year old, he is officially a man, a young man and I couldn’t be more proud of him, from an boy to an man and I am witnessing his transformation. I couldn’t be more proud . I feel like I am honestly like his mother, I am not lying, he ask for my advice all the time and I provide him with the best I can. I always make sure he gets the best out of it. So without further waste of time I have to prepare my special letter to him.

  My dear pathum,

  Today is the day. Nineteen years ago you was born to your wonderful mother and look at what nineteen years has done to you, has formed the best boy in the world. I am out of my words for you, you are amazing and many more but well I will get into it , first of all I wanna say happy birth day Pathum. I wish you a very happy birthday. Since it was always your ritual to write a letter at every special occasion and I think it is my turn to take the pen and write what’s in my mind. I will try my best to write this letter I will try to include every single detail that I wanna include here, I wish this would be the best letter I ever wrote in my life . from the bottom of my heart and to the top of Everest this is my journey with you

  The day was March 13th 2020 , I can say that, I can confirm that is the day my life started to change that is the day that changed everything, it was when I saw you, I saw this boy, cute boy , a cute boy like you has followed me that surprised me , I was over the moon, I could modify that saying and say I was over the Earth. I couldn’t be more happier, I was so freaked out when you texted me , I wanted to talk and I was thinking what I could say and at that exact moment when I was thinking about what I could do more to become your friend you asked me for a read for read , that was the sweetest surprise you gave me just the day one of meeting you, sweet and great, I replied as soon as possible ,it was morning and I was delighted with a bright sunshine falling on my skin and a bright light falling on my heart.

  So we met, we exchanged read for read, I read yours and you read mine and what else can I say ? it was great! your writing is next level I noticed it the very first day I met you, I noticed that the very first day I met you yes I had to repeat what I said because it has to be convinced in a repetition. Your writing is wonderful , and I fell in love with it, it was your fantasy book and I felt an immense world building and attractive writing style . so we spent the first two weeks talking and talking about life I have to say I never felt the friendship I felt from you, I never had a boy talking with me just like you, you were very special you talked with me endlessly and I never felt tired listening to you or talking to you, my mind was eventually modified to accept you as my 24/7 .

  I would still wake up at 8 am and got to sleep by 10;30 but trust me those two weeks werent just two weeks , they were exciting weeks I would wake up thinking about you and I would go to sleep thinking about you. I was never in such an state of excitement in my life, it was the very first time in my life that I was being so happier, it was indeed the very first time a boy did an influence to my life, it was always you Pathum, you were my source of happiness from day 1 to now, it was you . I can't express the level of happiness I was , because not only did I enjoyed a full 8 hour sleep but also I was enjoying the next 16 hours I was awake, I was so excited. You gave me happiness that I never had , and then yes we moved into google hangouts isn't it a miraculous thing That the wattpad app started to malfunction ? because from then onwards I started to send you my pictures I don’t know but I felt an immense trust in you, I knew that no matter what I send I will not be in a threat.

  I never suspected you, and to tell you why I don’t know why I had that level of trust in you , I just did trusted you. March was a wonderful month you eventually became my bestie and I realised that and I felt the necessity to inform you about the great news. Remember it wasn’t me, but my heart that choose you. My heart felt a strong sense of love from you and towards you. So that was how I spent march , I got a new friend and this new friend become my source of happiness.

  Then came April what can I say ? another wonderful month with you , this was also the month I got a confirmation that I am your bestie and you are mine. So it was you and me forever. The whole month was wonderful I who slept 8 hours slowly reduced it to 7 or 6 and me who had a screen time of few hours sky rocket to many hours. I was literally consumed by the phone and the only reason was you , you were the reason . you were always the reason.

  I have to be honest when you first started to send me your pictures you weren't smiling in any of them , like for example the first 10 pictures you sent me of you , they were like angry birds, me and mom was confused but we saw that if you could open your mouth there will be wonders, and weren't I wrong about it!

  When you first started to send me pictures of you smiling I knew this boy is on another level of cuteness and humbleness, yeah boy you were cute you think a girl would fall for you if you werent ? you were cute back then and cute back now. I think one of the very best things I ever did to your life was bringing that smile out of you, for 18 years you hid smile and showed the world an angry boy but when me and mom encouraged you to send pictures with a smile things changed.

  And I and mom are forever grateful of the task we did. We really are. Your smile is so cute sweetie, trust me you are a beautiful soul when you smile, I know you often say bad things happen when you opened your mouth but beautiful things happened when you did opened your mouth. Sweetie growing up with you is the luckiest days of my life, I was so happy about it. Can you imagine talking for 30 straight days for 8 plus hours ? we broke records of texting we texted like no other could. Corona got bad here bad everywhere but sweetie God protected us, he made sure you and I were always together you blessed me with everything. You are my biggest blessing, I know I say many good things about you. I say them because they are the truth.

  So comes month of May, may I tell is it is the most important month of transformation. It is, you will agree to me if I say this month is the month that brought us together and closer to each other.

  When your mom got sick accidently and she was admitted to hospital and when you lost contact with her due to communication issues and she used to stay there for a week and you had to live a week without her , you were scared to death sweetie, God knows how difficult it was to keep you alive . you were on suicidal stage, and you could have taken your life at any moment . I prayed God like I never had , I spent hours praying for you hoping you will be better I prayed God to protect your mom, so that you could be safe and God just did that , he protected her and we become more than besties, the bond that we formed was a force that I never had known existed in my life. I learned a lot about you in that month I knew you were struggling with something else, I knew there was a monster you never had recognised lurking inside you and I discovered it but God kept it forbidden, I don’t know why but he did it

  And so June, July , August , September,October, November, December and January. All these months were unbelievable. I just had to take a deep breath to assure you they were equally important. My dear boy it give me goosebumps to take a peek at our history.

  So lets start with June, yes that was the month everything complex became simple. On google hangouts it took a while to send a picture but it totally changed when it came to the app ‘ line ‘. we exchanged photos and voices like we never did in a quick way . and this was also when you started to take a peek at your photography skills, yes a very important month when it comes to your picture taking ability, you showed me some of the most fascinating pictures you ever took and I am honoured to have seen them and have a comment on them. I am glad and I am grateful to have seen your pictures and motivated you to do even more. Boy you were multi talented not only was your charming voice and cute face were attractive but also your ambitious writing and genius photo taking ability. You were a God among Gods, haha there is only one true God but I think you might be him. Hahaha boy I wanna kiss you, you are that talented and unique.

  Then came the most emotional month I ever had in my life, joy turned into tears , I confessed because I realised that you were more than a friend to me, that you were my boyfriend, you are the one with whom I shall share my life and have children. You know how much I loved you , and you know how much I love to have kids, or how much I love to have a baby. My boy I realised it is you who is going to be the father of my babies that made me feel so strong. I had no doubts that you would become one of the best dads ever , I knew you were going to change my children forever, and at your arms I felt alive. Eventhough you were miles away from, me I felt you presence right at my arms, I touched God.

  How can I ever forget the day you called me your LIL MOM , of course I don’t remember the day but I remember the feeling I felt that day , I thought to myself how did I found this boy? why did I found this boy? You taught me how to be a good mother. You taught me how to be a mother and what would it be and what could it be to be a mother. I taught you many good lessons and you showed me many lessons and I helped you modify your good habits to better habits, I just enjoyed growing up with you. I enjoyed every bit of it. I am proud be your girl friend but more glad that I could also be your mother.

  Then arrived the month of departure , we both had our time 5 to 6 months straight being together and that broke free. We had to go to schools and we had to stay away for many many hours , and sweetie there were countless days where I slept barely 4 hours just to be with you and I know you did the same, also sweetie this was when we got the confirmation that you have OCD. It was a monumental moment in our lives , we choose to treat your sickness without pills and we were successful but it was challenging yes I admit that but it was necessary. We did it babe! we did it ! I am proud to have been your unpaid therapist , just like I was a therapist to you , you was a one for me.

  Then afterwards many things happened but we were always together, I think I need to tell less about events that have happened but more about how you influenced me. Also sweetie I told you about my third eye and I told you I might not be able to give birth to a child, and in the midst of these events and reveals you still choose to be with me how in earth could I ever forget you ? tell me how? Because sweetie I cannot stay away from you for that long. I never did and I never will. I will always be your partner. I love you so much and baby I cannot wait until I marry you .

  For all the things that you ever did for me thank you so much , I owe you my life. I promise that I will always be on your side and cherish every moment that we can cherish together, baby I cannot wait until I hold your arms and feel you lips and smell your breath and I crave for your touch. But that's for the future. I love you sweetie you are best thing that happened to my life and I will always be on your side don’t ever doubt it.

  I am sorry now begins a part where you are slightly going to be criticized. Yes you have anger issues but sweetie I ain’t going to leave you for it. I be a fool if I am ever to leave you, you are a diamond that’s forged through extreme greatness that shines brightest at every gloomy dark nights. So dear darling please try your best to control your anger and not let it affect our relationship because I am scared to lose you. Please I won’t let you leave me. I won’t ever.

  Pathum I love you! I love you so much endlessly!

  Your truly,

  Scarlet.

  I think that was long enough to convince him how important he is to me. I send the letter and he was pleased and excited. Later on that day we video called and it was fun he and his mom both were on camera and I was overjoyed. His shyness was always there but I saw it as a sign of cuteness I never saw it as a sign of weakness I only saw it like something good.

  “ hello angel how are you ?’’ his mother asked me to which I replied.

  ‘’ I am fine mom.’’

  I wanted to say more than that but the lump in my throat didn’t made that possible.

  And my mom wished him a very happy birthday and he did thanked her outright,and it was cute because he was still trying to hide his face and thank her.

  He stuttered!

  No he didn’t. He’s perfect the way he is.

  We chat about how he is feeling and what he wishes to do in the upcoming days,

  So I hurried to school and it was a fun emotional day. Above all I love him, I love him so much. And I cant wait to marry him.

  Thank you so much for reading!

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