Pathum POV (2020 December)

  My sweetie fell asleep after few minutes of chatting. So I started to work on the letter, because it is Christmas and this wasn’t a letter on a paper it was a google document. I made few documents to her back in the past as well on google document it is easier and beautiful than a photograph of a letter, before evening I have to make the document because I have to make sure it is done when she wakes up or pretty much done by morning.

  The Google document ;

  My dear scarlet,

  I

  WISH

  YOU

  A

  MERRY

  CHRISTMAS

  You are my life

  You are my hope

  You are my light

  You are my saviour

  You are my talk

  You are my 24/7

  You are my happiness

  You are my worry

  &

  Above all you are my everything! I could be mentioning endless of you…

  May you have a blessed blissful life and the bless of God and his kindness on you.

  Omg hehe you don’t know that I am making this document for you, that is okay because it is a surprise for you, I wanna surprise my little girl, I wanna surprise my cute girl.

  You can do it! A new year, a new day ,a new christ day. I guess and I believe. You can do it. Survive please do. Grind a day more. You , you alone is strong! You are

  May this time be a cherish for you

  May this time be a step to win

  May this time be where you know your value

  May this time you becomes the best version

  May you live long!!

  Happy new year my sweetie!

  Do well at school

  Do well at home

  Do well at everything as you always are the best girl scarlet

  I love you

  You are a sweet little angel that came to my life thank you so much for what you have offered me thank you so much for what you have given me thank you so much for talking and the time dedicated to me

  I

  Love

  You

  My

  Pinky

  Lilly

  Mommy

  I know when you see this you will be so surprised . I have to tell you something now, it is well at the moment we are good but we wasn’t in some days. I am sorry for being rude and hurtful. It is my fault I owns it.

  This is to remind you that I love you please don’t feel sad, its fine ! well it was my fault that I am a mood changer

  Hehehehe

  Wowwwee

  Hehehehe

  Awheeee

  I am in a rush to send you this!

  I love you scarlet

  And I wish you

  A

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  M

  E

  R

  R

  Y

  Christmas

  Baby!

  Once I was done I send the google document to her. All I have to do is add her gmail to the google document and then tadaa she can see my work. And my sweet baby cried when she got the document,

  she’s so cute.

  She deserves some love from everyone but since everyone don’t provide it I make sure I do . it is my responsibility .

  Scarlet ; thank you so much ! you did worked hard for me don’t you ?

  Pathum ; oh sweetie it was a simple task.

  Scarlet ; it is not just a simple task it is a huge task my boy , and I am so proud to call you my boy, I am so proud to have you in my life, and I am blessed to have a boy like you, you are a million time better individual than all my family. I cannot imagine a single day without you, not a single day without you . I love you so very much! I love you my boy ! and I am so grateful for God for giving me a diamond like you. You don’t even know how much valuable you are to my life. Thank you! Thank you for everything!

  Pathum ; don’t appreciate me sweetie, I deserve to do more work to you, you go through pain and troubles and you deserves some love and I am doing the very best I can do for you. I am sorry though, I know even if I wished you , your family might do the same for you. For that I am sorry, it is my fault. It is my me who brought pain into your life.

  Scarlet ; I can't tell how proud I am to have you in my life.

  Pathum ; and I can't tell how blessed I am to have you in my life.

  Scarlet ; you always find a way to appreciate me don’t you?

  Pathum ; because you are my girlfriend, I will always find a way to protect you and love you. You are mine scarlet. Remember that.

  Scarlet ; you are so cute

  Pathum ; so are you celebrating christmas?

  Scarlet ; why should we ? we treat it just like everyday .

  Pathum ; oh you country folks are so different arent you ?

  Scarlet ; yes we are , we treat every day as a blessed day from God, we don’t do fancy stuff and celebrate , no party or anything just be grateful and respect .

  Pathum ; I don’t understand you guys, I do understand but heck it is boring , I understand your theory it is not a fun thing it is a religious thing and it is sacred,but it wont kill you if you celebrate it for once with some gifts

  Scarlet ; it is not necessary.

  Pathum ; you are so stubborn get off it, or else you’ll forever be there stuck. Just go there and have some gifts , it aint gonna burn you .

  Scarlet ; please lets stop talking about this.

  Pathum ; hmm..

  Scarlet ; your attitude..

  Pathum ; whats my attitude ? you mind yours.

  Scarlet ; lets stop talking further , it will only bring chaos.

  Pathum ; crap

  Scarlet ; yeah

  Pathum ; fuck it

  Scarlet ; oh please watch your words, please I don’t want to fight you.

  Pathum ; fuck the crap

  Scarlet ; stop

  Pathum; fuck

  Fuck

  Fucking shit

  Fuck crap

  And it went along until I typed 20 more fucks.

  Fucking shit why did I got mad?

  I ruined everything. I gave her a wonderful surprise and then I hurt her.

  Pathum why in earth do you do this? Why hurt this innocent girl?

  Please God if you are a real person you better show her that my love for her is so real and this monster within me ruined everything I never wanted to hurt her, it is this monster that hurt her. I freaking don’t want to curse and freaking don’t even curse but I do curse at the most unexpected times to the most unsuitable person. That is my girlfriend. I hurt the person that I love the most why? I don’t understand that . whats so wrong? Why am I such an disgusting creature? I wish scarlet could read my internal dialogue I wished she could scan me and see the real me from the wicked me. I just don’t know what I need to do. Why did I hurt her? She deserves love not hurt .

  Scarlet ; are you done ?

  Pathum ; sweetie I am so sorry . I couldn’t help myself.

  Scarlet ; after everything you done?

  Pathum ; it wasn’t me , it was an monster within me.

  Scarlet ; oh okay! Sweet! A monster, yeah absolutely not your fault. Some unbreakable monster right? Oh god! An unbelievable monster!

  Pathum ; sweetie please don’t mock me , I have to tell you something before I create a huge mess, I got something important to tell.

  Scarlet ; hmm..

  Pathum ; there is a monster within me , that monster is named anger, please I loose control over it and it created this mess. It is not me, please forgive me, please pray God ask God if I am lying , you can ask God if I am lying. I am not lying sweetie I am so tired of this mess. I just wanna get rid of it. But I cant help myself.

  Scarlet ; I know you are not lying , but pathum you have to control your anger. It is very hard to live when you get angry . you become a monster. I forgive you, but you have to fixed it, because if you don’t I don’t know whether I can deal with it the next time . think about it. It is not the first time you lost your control and caused chaos.

  She is not wrong , it is not the first time I got mad , for the past few months I got mad like many many times and I hurt her a lot, she is holding onto the pieces but I don’t know whether she can hold onto it any longer. I really need to be careful . because if I am not , things will fall apart quite badly.

  Thank you so much for reading!

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  Enjoy!!!