Rocco stood by his car smoking a cigarette when Mike approached. Normally, Mike would be too embarrassed to interact with someone who was the subject of a wet dream. However, Mike wanted Rocco to know about his affections—but he couldn’t be blatant. After all, he had only known Rocco for a little over a week. He also had no idea if his feelings would be reciprocated. Rocco had not confirmed or denied his orientation to Mike but in his heart, he knew Rocco was gay. Is this what they call Gaydar?

  “Party on, Wayne,” Mike laughed.

  “Party on, Garth,” Rocco reciprocated.

  “What’s going on?” Mike asked.

  “Just waiting on you,” Rocco gave Mike his crooked smile. Mike blushed a little.

  They stood there in awkward silence for a moment as Joe passed them. He waved and went into the building.

  “Hey, I’ve got something to ask you,” Rocco said after another moment of silence.

  Mike’s heart skipped. He was kind of afraid Rocco could see inside his head. Nervously, he spoke, “Ok.”

  “Would you be interested in coming to our practice Friday night? Before the party, you know,” Rocco asked. He remembered his conversation with Austin yesterday, just to see how things go.

  Mike’s spirit lifted, “Really???” Mike tried to remain calm, but his excitement could barely be contained.

  “Yeah, I wanted to ask you, but I wasn’t sure if you would want to,” Rocco looked down at the cigarette butt he just stomped on.

  “I would love to,” Mike blurted.

  “Really???” Rocco couldn’t believe he wanted to.

  “Of course. I want to see you in action,” Mike said realizing what he said but owning the innuendo.

  Rocco caught on and laughed. “In all my glory.”

  The two burst into the laughter of middle schoolers. Rocco’s laughter simmered down, and he continued, “We’d like to get your impression on how the act will go.”

  “Ok,” Mike’s spirit sank a little—he was being asked to attend for utilitarian purposes.

  Rocco hesitated and then added, “I want you there.”

  “You do?” Mike’s spirit rose again.

  “Yeah,” Rocco replied.

  “When and where?” Mike asked.

  “Friday around 7 at Pete Hunter’s house?” Rocco said.

  “I’ll see if I can get Joe to drop me off, but you’ll have to give me directions. I don’t know where Pete lives,” Mike replied.

  Rocco situated his bag on the hood of his car and unzipped the pocket. He pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil. Mike watched as he wrote Pete’s address along with some general directions. He handed the directions to Mike.

  Mike folded the paper and tucked it in his back pocket. “Would you be able to give me a ride back?”

  “Absolutely,” Rocco replied.

  The two began to walk into the building. At the door, Mike saw his classmates, Matt, Chris, and Stanton, standing outside the entrance. Mike started to get nervous. Over the past few days, he hadn’t spent much time with them after Stanton made it obvious how he felt about gay guys. His friends did not stand up either, so they were equally repulsive to Mike at this point.

  “Hey Mike,” Matt yelled.

  “Hey,” Mike replied softly as he and Rocco approached.

  “Looking forward to the show this weekend,” Stanton said to Rocco.

  “Yeah, it should be good,” Rocco said. He had no idea who this guy was—to Rocco this was just some random sophomore.

  “You nervous?” Stanton asked. Stanton had a biting tone to how he spoke to Rocco. Mike could pick up on it.

  “Not really,” Rocco replied.

  Stanton was beginning to say something when Mike interrupted, “Hey Rocco, we better get to class.”

  Rocco smiled and nodded. As Rocco turned, Stanton half whispered-half growled “queer”. Matt and Chris snickered. Rocco didn’t make any indication that he had heard Stanton. After he entered the building, Mike turned to Stanton to cut him a dirty look.

  “Fuck you, Stanton,” Mike sneered.

  Stanton gave him a look as if he had not done anything wrong. Matt and Chris were still laughing at Stanton’s slur. Mike’s stomach turned in disgust at this group of imbeciles. This was the second time since he started high school that he wondered why he was friends with these guys. He started to leave and go up to class.

  “Hey, wanna catch a ride with us to the party?” Stanton asked Mike. Mike did not want to acknowledge him in this moment, so he continued his way to class. The answer was no, but Mike did not even want to waste his breath on Stanton.

  As Rocco turned to go to class, he heard Stanton whisper “queer” and heard the other guys laugh. There it was, that word. Always said by some insecure fuck. Rocco wanted to get offended but, after coming out to his bandmates, he didn’t really care anymore who knew. He would prefer to keep it quiet right now but, if it got out, Rocco was okay with that. If he turned around to acknowledge the slur, Stanton would have the power. Rocco frankly did not give a shit about the opinion of some random sophomore. So, he just kept walking to class unaffected—much to his surprise.

  “The first test of the class will be next Wednesday,” Mr. Pendleton announced followed by much grumbling. “I know, but these semester classes go by quickly.”

  Mike turned around and whispered to Rocco, “Want to study together?”

  “Mike! Turn around,” Mr. Pendleton sternly proclaimed. Before he was turned around, Rocco whispered, “yes”.

  “Mr. Pendleton, what will be on the test?” a classmate asked.

  “Well, if you let me finish, I will get to that,” he replied and walked to his desk. “I’m going to give everyone a study sheet. This study sheet is a list of questions. I want you work in groups to answer all the questions. You will spend the rest of the hour working on your questions and we will go over the answers tomorrow.”

  Rocco got excited at the possibility of another one-on-one with Mike—some alone time.

  “I want groups of four please,” Mr. Pendleton said. Rocco felt a pang of disappointment. At least he could look at Mike if they got to choose the group that is. He was certain to be in Mike’s group. “Let’s get started,” Mr. Pendleton waved the class to form groups.

  Rocco was ecstatic that Mike turned his desk around to face him. Now he could spend his time admiring Mike. But there would have to be two others in the group.

  Beside Rocco and Mike were Toya and Monique, both sophomores. Toya was a dark featured girl with long, straightened hair. She had a big smile that she flashed constantly. Monique was light skinned with wavy hair and large hoop earrings. She wore blue colored contacts to cover her brown eyes. She was a little more aloof from what Rocco could tell.

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  “Hey Mikey, can we be in your group?” Toya smiled and asked Mike. Her smile was comically big and goofy.

  Mike smiled, “Of course, Toya.”

  “Can Monique also be in our group?” Toya asked. Monique gave a small smile of acknowledgement.

  “Absolutely,” Mike replied. Toya wiggled in her chair out of glee and turned her chair around. Rocco laughed at this motion. He instantly like her. Monique turned to chair towards the group.

  “So, hi!” Toya said in an exaggerated tone and waved. Rocco gave a small wave and smiled. “I’m Toya and this is my friend, Monique. She’s kinda quiet.”

  “I’m Rocco.”

  Monique nodded and said, “Monique but my friends call me Moni.”

  “Nice to meet you Moni,” Rocco said. Moni followed up with a nod.

  “I’m going to call you Rocky,” Toya squealed. Rocco laughed and mouthed “okay”.

  “Are you the guy in the band?” Moni asked Rocco.

  “Yes.”

  “Cool,” Moni gave him a look of respect.

  “Oh Rocky, handsome and talented!” Toya squeaked. Toya’s animated replies made Rocco laugh. “I can’t wait to hear you guys play!”

  “Thanks! I’m excited but also nervous,” Rocco replied.

  “Well, I can tell you are going to be great,” Toya said and looked at her worksheet. “What kind of music do you play?”

  “We play rock…you know, grunge,” Rocco replied.

  “I don’t know what that is,” Toya said.

  “You know, Toya. Like Pearl Jam, that kinda of music,” Moni said.

  “Oh, okay,” Toya said to Moni. “You play anything like R&B?”

  “No, that’s not our style,” Rocco said.

  “Well, I love Vanessa Williams. You should play some of that,” Toya said.

  “Is she the Miss America that posed nude?” Rocco asked. “I didn’t know she did music.”

  “Oh yes, she does,” Toya said. “She’s really good.”

  “Hmm,” Rocco said. “She’s really hot.” Even for gay guy, he still admired a gorgeous woman.

  Toya looked surprised. “You think she’s hot?” She looked at Moni then back at Rocco. “But she’s--” Toya then whispered the next word “—BLACK!”

  Rocco and Mike burst out laughing at the way she said this. “And?” Rocco replied.

  Toya and Moni gave him a look of respect.

  “Well, I had no idea a white boy would think she was hot,” Toya said.

  “I’m not really white,” Rocco said.

  Toya raised her eyebrows. “What are you?”

  “I’m Latino,” Rocco replied.

  “Like Mexican?” Toya asked.

  “Like Mexican,” Rocco said.

  Moni gave him a look as if she were impressed at what she saw. Toya smiled wide and replied, “OOO, I love that!”

  Rocco blushed and looked at his worksheet nervously.

  “Watch it. Moni likes Mexicans,” Toya said and snickered. Moni cut her a look of disdain and said “whatever.” Rocco looked over at Mike who gave him a shrug and a smile. Rocco mimicked the shrug and smile. Little did they know Toya caught this exchange and smiled even larger than before.

  “Oh, I see,” Toya said and blinked in an animated way. “Well, we are going to have fun I can tell.”

  The group began working on the questions. Rocco and Mike would frequently look at each other and smile which Toya always noted. Moni paid a little more attention to Rocco and would glance over at him writing. The group spent most of the hour working and glancing around at each other.

  They had only made it a third of the way down through the questions when Mr. Pendleton announced that the group time was about up and asked the class to return their desks to their original positions.

  “Well, it was a pleasure working with you two boys,” Toya smiled and turned her desk back around. “I hope we work together more often!” Once her desk was turned around, she looked back at Rocco and said, “I’m looking forward to your show this weekend.” Rocco smiled, looked at Mike, then at Moni who was already digging in her purse, and then back at Toya. Toya caught his eye, looked at Mike, and then winked at Rocco. He could tell that Toya had picked up on his and Mike’s glances at each other. She knew something was up between the two of them even if they did not want to admit it. Rocco was unsure if he liked that he and Mike were so obvious.

  While Rocco didn’t really care anymore if people pieced together that he was gay, he was concerned that the same name-calling would happen to Mike. He did not want Mike to fall victim to the same bullying he had endured. Guilt by association is never a fate he wanted anyone to suffer. He would need to cool it with the flirting with Mike.

  The bell rang.

  “When will I see you again?” Mike whispered and laughed.

  Rocco smiled and replied, “I got nowhere to be next period.”

  Mike giggled and got up, “I’ll be right back—bathroom break.”

  Rocco responded, “I guess I’ll stick around.” Mike smirked and turned to walk out the room. Rocco’s glance followed Mike out of the room. When Mike left the room, Rocco caught Toya looking at him. She smiled, raised her eyebrows, and gave him a kissy face.

  “Bye Rocky!” she yelled across the room. Moni gave him a peace sign and left with her.

  Rocco exhaled knowing he had been caught ogling Mike. He did not have an inkling of concern about this.

  Joe was waiting in the car for Mike to get out of class. He had the radio on and the windows down. Even though it was early September, it felt like the middle of summer. Football practice had been brutal over the summer, and he was looking forward to when it was time to break out the sweaters. He knew he looked good in sweaters. This season, he had some form fitting sweaters that would show off his bulky physique.

  The passenger side opened, and Mike slid into the seat.

  “How were things today?” Joe inquired.

  “Not too bad,” Mike mumbled as he threw his bag in the back seat. “Hey Joe, could you take me somewhere Friday?”

  “Maybe,” Joe pondered. “What time do you need a ride?”

  “I’m going to a friend’s place at 7. I just need a ride there. I can get a ride home,” Mike looked at him slightly pleading with his eyes.

  “Yeah, I guess. I have a date but that it’s not until 8,” Joe said. “If I’m just giving you a ride there, that will be fine.”

  “Thank you so much!” Mike said relieved.

  “What are you doing Friday night?” Joe gave a tone as if he wanted to know if there was a girl involved in this event.

  “I’m going to watch Rocco’s band practice before the show Saturday,” Mike said casually.

  “Oh,” Joe was surprised. He was not expecting band practice. “Are you going to join the band?”

  Mike looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “No! What gave you the impression I want to join a band?”

  “So, you are just going to watch them play?” Joe asked confused.

  “Yeah, just watch and give them my thoughts, I guess,” Mike replied.

  “Okay,” Joe was still confused. This did not seem like something an up-and-coming popular kid would do on a Friday night. They sat in the car for a second. Instead of starting the ignition, Joe was looking at Mike who was looking off in the distance. Feeling Joe’s stare, Mike turned his head towards Joe.

  “What?” Mike asked not knowing what to anticipate.

  “Nothing really,” Joe wondered. “It’s just that you and Rocco have gotten to be good friends these past couple of weeks.”

  “Yeah, so?” Mike defensively replied.

  “And you’re drawing a portrait of him?” Joe continued.

  “What about it?” Mike asked.

  “Just a little weird,” Joe mumbled. “Are you two doing drugs or something?”

  Mike laughed at this accusation. “Doing drugs? What? No.”

  “Okay,” Joe drew out the syllable in confusion.

  “Joe, he’s really cool. That’s all,” Mike looked off.

  Joe twisted his face quizzically. “Are you telling me everything?”

  Mike started to feel a panic boil up within him. What was Joe getting at? Was Joe beginning to wonder if there was something more to their friendship? He must have been more obvious in his affection toward Rocco than he thought. Joe and Toya had figured it all out now. He swallowed hard and nervously replied.

  “There’s nothing to tell. We are just hanging out. I’m just watching him play with his band,” Mike answered.

  “You should be careful,” Joe said.

  “What do you mean?” Mike became defensive again.

  “People may begin to wonder about you,” Joe answered.

  Mike was getting agitated. “Meaning what?”

  “People may think you and Rocco are boyfriends or something,” Joe said.

  Mike was about to blow up at this. “You are just full of shit.”

  “Whoa, there,” Joe tried to calm him down.

  “No,” Mike was on the verge of fury. “You’re the one who apologized to him and said you accepted him for who he was. And now you are going to warn me about hanging out with him? What the fuck, Joe? That’s so hypocritical,” Mike was a level under yelling at this point.

  “I’m just looking---” Joe started but Mike interrupted him.

  “Just looking out for me??? You’ll accept Rocco for who he is but not me? How is that looking out for my best interests?” Mike barked.

  “Wait a minute,” Joe calmly stated.

  Mike continued, “You just care about your reputation. You’ll accept Rocco’s differences because it has no effect on your precious social standing. But if your own brother associates with Rocco, then it’s not okay??? Is that what you are saying?”

  Joe held out his hands as an indication that he wanted to take the conversation down a notch. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “I don’t care what people say about Rocco. He’s my friend, and I want to hang out with him whenever I want,” Mike began to settle his temper slightly.

  “Okay, okay, Mike,” Joe tried to use a soothing tone.

  “And since he’s my friend and you are fine with how he identifies, you should be okay with me hanging out with him,” Mike added.

  “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. He’s your friend and I should just let it go,” Joe said.

  “Thank you,” Mike sighed and crossed his arms.

  “And, what I said about Rocco applies even more to you,” Joe stated.

  Mike uncrossed his arms and looked at Joe. “What do you mean?” Mike’s voice had calmed down to his regular volume.

  “I will accept and love you for who you want to be,” Joe smiled.

  Mike was taken by surprise at this especially after his warning. “Do you really mean that?” Mike could not believe what he just heard from his jock brother.

  “Yeah, I mean it. If you are like Rocco and that’s why you are hanging out with him, I’ll stand up for you. You’re my brother and I love you more than I can tell you.”

  Mike did not know what to say to this. Part of him wanted to tell Joe about how he felt about Rocco. Part of him only half believed him. It was very possible that Joe was just saying this because Mike caught him being a hypocrite. It was also possible Joe said this just to calm him down.

  “So, you’d be okay if I was gay?” Mike asked.

  Joe paused for what seemed like an eternity. He looked around as if to see if anyone was listening. “Well, I guess so. You’re my brother. I mean, I can’t say I would be all that thrilled but, if that’s who you are, then I would love you no less.”

  They drove home in awkward silence. Joe was uncertain who his brother was becoming. That night, after dinner, Mike went off to his bedroom to continue working on his drawing of Rocco. He left his door open. A couple of times, Joe walked by and paused as if he wanted to go in to talk with his little brother. However, he quickly reconsidered each time and continued down the hall. Mike never looked up but knew Joe wanted to talk. Mike was not sure what he would say.