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18

  "You're dazzled. I can see it. I can see how much you want me. But you believe I've done you a terrible thing. Maybe you're just being stubborn. Do you realize what you've done to me is unfair? If you do, and you don't care, I swear, Ezra, I won't forgive you forever, because you gave me a taste of beauty. You gave me a glimpse of the beautiful moments that could have been between us. Now I know exactly what you deprived me of, what you deprived us of. If you realize that this was for nothing, I will hate you forever."

  I scribble these words in my notebook in my room just before I leave the house on Ezra's arm. We're going to Claire's wedding. Side by side, really, we look like we're going to an award ceremony. His eyes light up when he looks at me. I can see it. "I'm so happy right now, I'm so excited," he says for a moment.

  "Why?" I ask, blankly.

  "Because, I don't know. There has been a closure that needed to be done for many years and now I am very close to it."

  "Oh, that." I have no other answer. He is completely preoccupied with his own feelings. I can't change that. I can only go along with it.

  As I get out of the Uber in front of the wedding venue, Ezra is inside holding my wrist. "Hold on. I'll open your door for you."

  Wow. Is it always like this with you, or is it just because you want to show me off?

  He gets out of the car. He opens my door. I get out. Ezra was right to be so envious. This place really isn't like a normal person getting married. It's like a princess getting married. If I'd worn something of my own, I'd have looked like an alley cat. Maybe someone would have taken pity and thrown some cheese or something from the offering plates in front of me. I smile at the thought and Ezra gestures politely for me to take his arm. I do as he says. I can feel people's stares as we walk inside.

  We sit on chairs lined up side by side. Ezra greets a few people quietly. I watch the scene. It's the first time I've ever seen a Christian wedding, and it looks like the second one is going to be mine.

  Kate had told me that it is now a culture, that for many people it has no religious meaning. I think when she was planning the wedding, she thought I might shy away because I'm not a Christian. She didn't realize that I could be a Christian to get out of the trouble I was in right now. So I just told her, "I think love is worth overcoming these things." She hugged me happily. "Yes, honey, your love can indeed overcome cultural differences."

  Arthur is waiting at the altar. A grizzled man walks Claire down the aisle on his arm and hands her over to Arthur. The famous final scene of all romantic comedies. The strange beginning of some others. Everyone who sees Claire applauds like crazy. I turn to look at Ezra. He's clapping too. I'm looking for a sign in his eyes, a sign that he got that closure. He looks expressionless. As Claire says her vows, I can see Ezra's jaw tighten, and I'm not the only one who sees it. A few of his close friends (I haven't met them yet, but I'm guessing they are) turn and give Ezra furtive glances. Realizing this, I take Ezra's hand and he looks at me, as if to say, "What's going on?" I say, "Darling, I think you're very touched." He understands what I'm trying to say from the look I give him.

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  "Next week we will say our vows just like this, and thinking about that moment, imagining you in your wedding dress, made me emotional."

  Oh, how much we can tell each other just by looking at each other. We are a good team, but we are not at the same time.

  When Arthur finally kisses the bride, there is another big round of applause. Everyone rushes after the bride and groom into the party area, moving in rhythm to the music.

  In this area, a few round tables seem to be arranged according to their proximity to the bride and groom. Some tables are named according to marital status. Ezra finds his name at the BFF's table. As we are about to sit together, we see that my name is not written there. Ezra starts to visit the other tables without taking a seat. My name is written at the Singles table. I smile when I see this. Treacherous, but clever.

  Ezra pulls one of the waiters by the arm. As the man looks at us dumbfounded, Ezra says, "Dude, we're engaged. Why is my name on the BFF's table and my fiancé's name on the Singles table?"

  The man is unresponsive, shrugs his shoulders as if to say "I don't know" and walks away.

  "Bullshit. They should have put us at the same table."

  "No, they shouldn't have invited us at all."

  He doesn't pay any attention to what I say. He takes my hand and together we walk towards the bride and groom. I only realize we're walking towards them when I look up from my feet and lock eyes with Claire. I quickly get into the role and smile. Ezra shakes both their hands and congratulates them. Ezra brings up the table and Claire says, "Oh, I guess because I didn't know you were engaged."

  "No, I texted you," Ezra says, and I can see in his smile that he's trying to hide his annoyance.

  "You just texted me that you were coming with Meryem. How should I know that you are engaged to her?"

  "I thought you might have figured it out from the Instagram story you liked."

  "It doesn't matter, I think the problem can be solved with a small change."

  Claire smiles, touches my shoulder with her hand. "I'm really sorry, honey, but it would be ridiculous to change the table arrangement right now. Everything would get all mixed up."

  Evil. "Then we won't sit at all." Ezra looks like he doesn't understand what I'm saying, I take him by the hand and pull him to the dance floor. "Congratulations again Claire, I wish you happiness." I call back as I walk hand in hand with Ezra.

  When we get to the dance floor, Ezra looks at me with admiration. "Wow. That's it! I'm close to orgasm right now."

  I grimace, "Ew. I don't need to know that."

  He takes two shots from a passing waiter and hands one to me. I really need this. I drink it quickly and let myself go to the music. Everyone is dancing and suddenly the music stops. Someone, I think one of the friends of the bride and groom, grabs the microphone and announces everyone to take their seats. He says he's going to make a speech and we're going to eat at the same time. I whisper to Ezra, "I don't want to give Claire the pleasure of sitting at separate tables right now."

  "Don't worry." He goes and pulls his chair away from the table. He brings my chair and puts it next to his. "Darling, sit down," he says and gestures for me to sit in the chair. He sits next to me. I laugh because we look so funny in the middle of the dance floor. Ezra looks at me laughing and joins in. When we realize that everyone is looking at us, we stop talking and pull ourselves together. Ezra calls out "Yes, we are all sitting and waiting for you Mike. Please speak."

  I hear a few people giggling and when Mike (whoever he is) gives us a glare, everyone falls silent. Mike makes his speech. How long he has known Claire and Arthur, how much he likes them, etc., all the cliché stuff. A few more people speak and then the music continues where it left off. I drink, I dance, I don't care about the food I'm not eating because we're not at the table. For some reason I feel more satisfied than Ezra.

  As we leave the place, Ezra gives invitations to a few friends and invites them to the tiny wedding we are going to have next week.

  We get into the Uber we called. I am still dizzy from the alcohol and the dance I just left. Ezra loosens the collar of his shirt. "Meryem, thank you so much. We are really good with you as a team."

  I laugh, "Yeah, how we pissed off your ex-girlfriend at her own wedding." The sentence is so childish as it comes out of my mouth, but I feel so much like a child that I can't find it strange at all.

  "Let's not lose this friendship," Ezra says, taking my hand.

  "Is that what you've been feeling all night, Ezra?" I say, just before I pass out.

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