Ahmet's mother and my mother hand me a wedding dress of their choice. Both of them are as fluffy as possible, princess models, with tulle sleeves, shiny stones on the chest and a train at the back. It is very difficult to tell them apart. When I look at both of them, I feel nauseous. I don't want to wear either, but their gaze is so commanding and judgmental that I feel like I have to. A woman comes in, she looks like Kate. She says, “Ma'am, let me take you to the fitting room and I'll help you put on the dress.” It's like I'm tongue-tied, I can't object. I go into the fitting room. It's more like a dark room. Suddenly a light illuminates the room. I take off what I'm wearing, I'm half naked, I'm only wearing my underwear. My body looks white, like I've been drained of blood. In the mirror I notice bruises on my neck and lower down. I touch them with my hands, but I can't feel anything. My lips are dry and chapped. I feel thirsty.

  Kate - or the woman who looks like her - walks in. She is holding a disgusting wedding dress and trying to put it over my head. As soon as the skirts of the dress touch the floor, Kate - or the woman who looks like her - starts tying the strings from behind. She ties it so tight that I think my breasts are going to pop out of the top. When it's done, I try to walk. I walk out of the dressing room. There's Ahmet and Ezra. My mom and Ahmet's mom, they are crying. The skirt of the wedding dress gets tangled around my feet. I try to free myself. As I stand up and try to walk, the dress tightens. It starts to wrap around my body completely. Finally, it wraps my arms around me so tightly that it takes my breath away. I try to breathe but I can't. I want to shout for them to save me but I can't make a sound. I take my hands out of the wedding dress and try to reach out to Ezra and Ahmet, but they both turn their backs and leave. I can't stand up anymore. As I fall on my back, I see the blue sky above me. I float downwards, no one hears my cries for help.

  “Help!”

  “Meryem, wake up, are you okay?”

  I open my eyes with a big sigh. I take a few deep breaths when I see Ezra standing next to the bed looking at me. I put my hands on my chest and try to sit up in bed. Ezra pulls the blanket over me. “What kind of nightmare did you have, wait, I'll get you some water.”

  And he's asking like he gives a shit. He hasn't even looked at me for days. Even though I've never, ever done anything wrong. I don't even get a chance to explain what I did, why I did it.

  I take a sip of the water he brought me. I look at his face as if to say, “What is it?”

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  “I asked you what you dreamt. Maybe I can help you.” He just stands on the edge of the bed.

  My eyes fall on the wedding dress hanging behind the door, the reason for this nightmare. “Let's put that wedding dress somewhere else. When I go to sleep at night, it looks like there's a bride hanging on the back of the door.”

  “Oh, that's the problem. Meryem, look, we can end this game here if you don't want to. I don't want to be a bad influence on you.”

  I get out of bed and walk past Ezra. “Don't talk nonsense. I'm not going to end it here. I've come to the end of my rope.”

  “Oh, thank God. Then I have a suggestion to solidify the plan.” He comes towards me waving an envelope.

  I put my hands on my waist. “What? What's there to solidify? Everyone around us already thinks what's between us is real.”

  He pulls out a chair and sits down. “It was real once, I remind you.”

  I sit in the chair opposite him. “Yes, a few days ago. Until you...”

  He doesn't let me finish. He holds the envelope up so I can see it better. “What do you think is in this envelope?”

  “You made invitations for our wedding?” I pull the envelope out of his hand.

  He doesn't let go of the envelope. “You knew it was an invitation, bravo. But it's not ours.” He opens the envelope. He reads the card inside. It's Claire's wedding invitation.

  “Poor Arthur,” I say, sincerely.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's go, together. Would you do that for me?” He looks at me with puppy dog eyes.

  I frown, “What good would it do you for us to do this?”

  “Look, I've always felt cheated and used, and now I want to look like I'm having my own little victory. We'll go hand in hand. We'll congratulate him and his wife and come back.”

  I get up from the chair. I pour myself a glass of water. “You need a psychologist. Someone better than you, if possible. Or let's pay the money now so you can go to school. You've been away too long.”

  He takes the glass from my hand. “ Meryem, I really need this. I want to see her get married, but I can't go alone. My pride won't let me. If I don't go, she'll think I'm still thinking about her.”

  This conversation is getting on my nerves so much. “Is he wrong to think that?”

  He squeezes the invitation in his hand, “Don't judge Meryem, help me.”

  I sigh. “Fine, okay. Let's go. How should I dress?”

  His eyes shine with gratitude. “I'm sure you'll look beautiful as you are, but why don't we go shopping together?”

  I sigh again. “Sure, use me. Dress me up like your Barbie doll. Show me off.”

  As I head to my room, he calls after me, “You get to use me too, remember it's a win-win situation.”

  “Clown.” I shut the door in his face and go back to bed.