Chapter Thirty-One

  It'd been three years since her dad had died unexpectedly from a stroke while he was doing a side job, putting on a new roof in Mt. Vernon. Alex remembered the feeling of helplessness when she'd heard the news. It was like acid on the bones, draining her of every last bit of energy until she could barely make it to school. She didn't do any gaming in those days either. It didn't feel like there was any point.

  As Alex lay on the wood flooring next to the giant obsidian cube with her arm awkwardly draped over a throw pillow, she felt like her dad had died all over again.

  Getting to join Gamemakers Hall had opened up a pathway she'd never thought could exist. Alex had always assumed that things like becoming a mage, or even traveling outside her small town, were what happened to other people, not her.

  Now that part of her had died.

  When Alex mustered enough energy to stand again, she shuffled through the hallways like a forgotten ghost.

  Footsteps coming around a corner sparked a hope that Bucket or Martina might be out of Gamemakers Online. Though they couldn't do anything about what had happened, they would at least understand how devastated she was.

  When a shock of red hair swayed around the corner, Alex's gut twisted. Though they barely knew each other, Lily Brodziak was the last person she wanted to see. The former MechLeague world champion's lips flattened when she looked up to see who she was standing in the hallway with. Alex flinched even before the words were out of Lily's mouth.

  "Let me guess, can't exploit your way to success in this game?" asked Lily with a snapping head tilt.

  "Can you do me a favor?" asked Alex, fighting not to cry in front of Lily.

  "Why would I do you a favor?"

  The snark helped Alex hold back the flood behind her eyes. "I think you'll enjoy this favor. I need someone to tell Professor Marzio that I quit."

  Lily's eyes rounded as the angles in her lips softened. "Oh. Just that? That you quit?"

  "Does anything else matter?" said Alex roughly. "Not that he'll probably care, since I've only seen him once and this stupid game didn't teach me one damn thing about magic."

  The apathy that had her in its grips was annihilated by a sudden anger. Heat rose to her face, and as Lily looked at her with what felt like pity, Alex stormed past, rushing up to the room she'd barely slept in.

  After digging through her pockets, she found she didn't have enough to pay for a train ticket back to Kentucky. Alex eyed the thin spell book she'd found earlier in the year. There was sure to be a pawnshop in the city where she could sell it.

  Alex stuffed her clothes and notebooks into her backpack, threw it over her shoulder, and marched out of Gamemakers Hall. A pang of ache hit her when her foot crossed the threshold, making her stumble, but she kept going, slamming the gate open on her way out.

  It was late afternoon. The shadows pooled around the old industrial buildings. Alex was struck by the reek of petroleum. She'd spent the last six months in a pristine forest filled with rich scents that had tantalized the mind.

  This, this is a garbage dump, she thought.

  Near a building with the windows knocked out and graffiti sprayed across the lower walls, a shadow detached, moving towards her ominously. Alex sensed people beneath the gloom, and a volcano of anger rose to her lips.

  "I don't care who you are, but if you take another step towards me I'm going to rip your entrails out with my bare hands and choke you with them," said Alex with fists at her sides.

  The shadow hesitated before slipping back towards the industrial building, disappearing through an open door.

  Alex managed to make it to the Green Line without seeing another person, which was probably the best for both parties. She had enough change to make it into the center wards of the city, where she found a pawnshop after a couple hours of wandering around. She sold the spell book for over two hundred dollars, which was probably a rip off, but she didn't care. She wanted to get home and feel her mom's arms around her.

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  Before the day was over, she managed to find a bus route that would take her to Lexington. Despite feeling emotionally exhausted, Alex didn't sleep a wink on the ride back, mostly because the air conditioning was on too high, leaving her shivering in her seat.

  Early the next morning, she caught a ride from an older couple headed towards her small town that didn't have the decency to be identified on a map. By the time she made it home, she was fantasizing how it would feel to be in her own bed rather than in a pile of ratty tigersloth furs and to eat real food that came out of a can rather than the mystery meat that usually came out of that stupid black pot.

  The lights were off when she pushed through the screen door.

  "Hello? Mom?"

  It was Tuesday, which meant she would be off work. Alex had expected to find her mom sitting on the couch with her needles and yarn in her hands.

  "Mom? Are you here?" she called out.

  A quick check of the bedroom revealed that the trailer was empty. Alex peeked into the refrigerator to find the lettuce was brown and the milk expired.

  Her skin went cold when she saw the old hospital wristband lying next to the empty fruit bowl. The date showed that Regina Duke had stayed at Mt. Vernon General in January for a week.

  The last few times she'd talked to her mother she hadn't been feeling well. Alex had no idea that it'd been bad enough to require a hospital visit, especially since they didn't have health insurance. The only way they'd take her was if she were dying.

  Alex put her hand to her lips, which had gone numb along with the rest of her face. It felt like she'd just recovered from her dad's death...

  "No, don't buy trouble, Alexandria," she told herself.

  The rumble of a distant motor woke her from her stupor.

  "Frank..."

  Alex ran down the gravel road towards Frank's trailer, which was nestled in a hollow. The yard was covered with the frames of old cars long ago rusted to obscurity. The old faded orange truck rambled down the hill with Frank and her mother inside.

  Breathlessly, Alex stopped on the driver side as Frank leaned out the open window. His hair had gone completely gray except for a few patches in his beard. He had the kindest eyes of anyone Alex had ever met, and nut brown skin and valleys of wrinkles from working in the train yard.

  "Alexandria," he said, the corners of his eyes tugging. His soft baritone was both a greeting and a comfort.

  Her mother had her head on his shoulder, asleep. Her cheeks were hollow.

  At that moment, she surfaced awake, eyes bleary. "Alexandria? Is that you?"

  "Hey, Mom," said Alex, trying to restrain the urge to climb over Frank and hug her mom. "Is everything okay?"

  The way Frank looked at her told her the story. Her heart sunk deeper into her stomach, trying to burrow its way somewhere less real.

  "She's on a number of pain pills," said Frank. "Makes her sleepy."

  "But what about...?"

  Her mom lifted her head, her eyes becoming alert. "Hi, Alexandria."

  "Hey, Mom."

  "I'm sorry, sweetie. The doctors told me I have a brain tumor and not the kind you recover from. Doctors say I ain't got but half a year in me at best. Probably less."

  The world shifted under Alex's feet. Frank grabbed her arm so she didn't slide over onto the gravel.

  "I don't understand," said Alex, hearing her own voice as distant. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

  "Your mom didn't want to upset you and then when she had a seizure at the bowling alley and had to go to the hospital, we tried, but no one ever answered at that hall place of yours." Frank offered a consolatory smile. "But you're here now. That's all that matters."

  "How's school, sweetie? Everything going well?" asked her mother with a slight slur.

  Alex recalled talking to her mom at Christmas. She'd sounded drunk at the time, but now she realized that it'd been the pills. It was probably why they'd taken her around town to see the lights. She wouldn't get to see them again—ever.

  "I'm...it's…" She shook her head. "I'm here now."

  Frank drove the truck to the trailer and helped bring her mom inside. When Alex put her mom's arm over her shoulders to help her walk, she was so light it was if her bones had been hollowed out. They got her to the couch.

  "I can take it from here, Frank," said Alex, throwing her arms around Frank to give him a big hug. "Thank you for taking care of her when I wasn't here."

  "My pleasure," said Frank, squeezing her back. "You probably don't have any food, so I'll come by later with some groceries to tide you over, and if you need anything before then, you know how to get ahold of me."

  When she went back inside, her mother was asleep, snoring lightly. Alex unlaced her shoes and pulled them off, setting them by the door.

  Six months, at best.

  Alex sat on the recliner across from the couch and watched her mom sleep. Her chest rose so softly, almost like a baby bird's, that she wondered if she were still breathing. Alex resisted the urge to lean her cheek by her mother's mouth to check for breath.

  When she reached down to move the basket of knitting that her mother took with her wherever she went, a dam broke inside of her when she realized that her mother might never knit again. Tears streamed down Alex's face, dripping from her cheeks as she sobbed into her hands.

  Alex cried until it felt like the tears were being squeezed from her bones. Her stomach ached from the feeling of helplessness. First her father, now her mother. When she was gone there'd be no one left.

  Just her.

  Alex sat and watched her mom well into the night, never sleeping. Every time she felt her eyes drift closed, the fear that her mother would pass before she woke would take hold, startling her.

  "What am I going to do?"