Meanwhile, back in the most synergistic portion of the office, X017 finished typing and read aloud a freshly crafted ‘HR” email.

  Jim snorted. “That’s brilliant, X. Send it tomorrow morning, right when everyone’s checking their email. Now let’s limit this masterpiece to just one recipient—our favorite toenail aficionado. No need to loop anyone else in.”

  X017’s optics flickered. “Clarification: The recipient will be Accountant Manager Drone #33?”

  Jim smirked. “Exactly. And no cc’s or bcc’s. Let’s keep it intimate.”

  X017 nodded. “Message prepared. Shall I include the subject line: Mandatory Compliance Review?”

  Jim chuckled. “Perfect. Add an official-looking signature, like… Office Sanitization Services Bureau, and make it sound just vague enough to be terrifying.”

  The next morning, right when everyone’s checking their email, Accountant Manager #33 opened their email. Their eyes scanned the bold subject line:

  Subject: Mandatory Compliance Review

  Their heart sank. The email read:

  **“Dear Team Member,

  As part of our ongoing commitment to a hygienic and productive workspace, recent audits have highlighted potential concerns regarding keratin-based debris in your assigned workstation.

  To address these concerns, we kindly request your cooperation in ensuring proper disposal practices moving forward. Personal hygiene kits are available upon request.

  Failure to comply may result in escalated reviews by the Office Sanitization Services Bureau. Any further clarification can be emailed directly to

  Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

  Best regards,

  Office Sanitization Services Bureau”**

  Account Manager #33 leaned back in their chair, staring blankly at the screen.

  “Keratin-based debris?” they muttered. Their gaze flicked to their desk, suddenly feeling exposed. “Who’s auditing workstation hygiene?!”

  While a manager ponders in paranoia, Jim continues his justice campaign.

  Jim leaned back in his chair, watching X017 type commands into a terminal. “So, how are we looking on the security cameras? Think you can give us a window?”

  X017’s optics flickered. “Cameras will loop static footage of an empty office for the next 14 minutes and 27 seconds. Sufficient time for the operation.”

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Jim grinned. “You’re good, X. Real good. Now, go make magic happen.”

  After reviewing Accountant Manager #33’s schedule, X017 made his move and entered the manager’s office. X017 moved with surgical precision, placing a single toenail clipping directly in the center of the keyboard.

  Before leaving, he paused to tilt the zen garden rake at an angle that somehow looked accusatory.

  X017 strode away from the manager’s office in vintage Sperry Top-Sider shoes, returning to pranking HQ—also known as Jim’s cubicle.

  Already on edge after a week of inexplicable technical glitches that appeared and disappeared without explanation, Accountant Manager #33 returned from his meeting to sit down at the desk. Ready to check emails, the manager’s eyes locked on the keyboard; the grotesque object perched dead center like a harbinger of doom.

  “What the…?” they whispered, staring at the unmistakable toenail clipping.

  A shiver passed down their spine as they recalled a “classic” movie their uncle made them watch as a kid: The Godfather. The manager’s mind raced. Was this a message? Was this their horsehead-in-bed moment?

  One oddly prank-free week later, Jim made his mandatory follow up visit to grave of Toenails Past. Jim crouched under the manager’s desk, shining his flashlight over the floor. What he saw nearly made him drop the light.

  The area was spotless. Pristine. Not a speck of dust, not a stray crumb, and certainly no toenail clippings.

  “Wow,” Jim muttered, tilting his head. “It’s like a crime scene cleanup team came through here.”

  X017 stood beside him, peering down. “Observation: The workspace appears sanitized to an extreme degree. Probability of keratin debris recurrence: 0%.”

  Jim grinned, standing up and brushing off his hands. “Well, X, I think we did it. This place is cleaner than Karen’s compliance binder.”

  Back at his desk, Jim settled into his chair, a new idea struck him. He pulled up the fake HR email template X017 had prepared weeks ago.

  “Alright, X, we’re sending this guy one more message,” Jim said, typing rapidly.

  X017 tilted his head. “Clarification requested: Will this communication be punitive or rewarding?”

  Jim’s grin widened. “Rewarding. Let’s give him an award for all his… hard work.”

  Later that day, five minutes before quitting time, Accountant Manager #33 was blessed with a new communication:

  The manager opened their inbox to see:

  Subject: Congratulations on Your Commitment to Workplace Hygiene!

  Dear Team Member,

  We are thrilled to inform you that you have been selected as the recipient of the 2044 Workplace Hygiene Excellence Award! Your dedication to maintaining a pristine and professional workspace has not gone unnoticed.

  As a token of our appreciation, you will receive a $10 gift card to Office Supplies Plus and a personalized certificate of excellence. Please continue your outstanding efforts in keeping our workplace clean and inspiring others to do the same.

  Best regards,

  Office Sanitization Services Bureau

  Back at Jim’s cubicle, X017 stood beside him, arms folded in a way that almost looked deliberate. “Observation: The issuance of the hygiene award was inconsistent with previous behavioral patterns. Clarification requested: Why reward the manager?”

  Jim swiveled in his chair, grinning. “It’s simple, X. Positive reinforcement can be just as effective as punishment. Sometimes, you’ve gotta throw someone a bone—not because they deserve it, but because it keeps them guessing.”

  X tilted his head. “Query: Was the award genuine, or an extension of your justice campaign?”

  Jim chuckled, leaning back. “A bit of both. I mean, the desk was spotless. But mostly, it’s about planting doubt. They’ll spend the next week wondering if HR is really watching them, or if they’re just that good at their job.”

  X017’s optics flickered. “Observation: Positive reinforcement appears to influence human behavior effectively. Shall we apply this strategy to additional targets?”

  Jim smirked. “One thing at a time, X. Let’s not get too soft.”