The office buzzed with nervous energy the next Monday morning as workers returned to their desks, eyeing the newly repaired wall with a mix of suspicion and awe. The slot’s brass framing gleamed ominously, its polished finish catching the fluorescent light like a luxury fixture in a five-star lobby. Elegant and understated, it seemed almost too refined to be paired with the unholy screeching of the Dot-Matrix Overlord. At precisely 11:00 a.m., the familiar sound echoed through the office, and a new memo emerged from the paper portal:

  ATTENTION ALL STAFF:

  The recent repair work on the Centralized Communication Interface (CCI)—also known as the Directive Distribution Slot—has been completed.

  We want to reassure everyone that this system remains an efficient and effective method for disseminating corporate policies and updates. The CCI has been specifically engineered to reduce email clutter and streamline workplace communication.

  As a reminder:

  

  
1. All directives issued via the CCI are considered official policies and must be followed without exception.


  
2. Questions or concerns regarding directives may be submitted to and will receive prompt responses.


  
3. Non-compliance with directives will be addressed by the Behavioral and Cultural Alignment Committee as needed.


  

  Thank you for your cooperation and ongoing commitment to maintaining a productive and unified workplace.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  —Multi-Matrix Human Resource Management

  Karen clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh, this is wonderful! I knew HR had a plan all along. They’re so innovative!”

  Worker 42 squinted at the memo, tilting her head. “Wait… how does printing reduce email clutter? Isn’t this just… paper clutter now?”. “This is definitely part of a larger conspiracy!”, Worker 42 squeaked and rushed back to her desk.

  Douglas strolled over the paper void in the wall with an exaggerated sigh. “Efficient? Effective? Oh, sure. What’s next, HR sending messages by carrier pigeon?”

  Jim, suppressing a smirk, turned to Douglas. “You know, I heard carrier pigeons were eco-friendly.”

  Karen gasped. “Really? That would be so quaint! Like those historical reenactments at the park!”

  Douglas rolled his eyes dramatically but gave Jim the slightest nod—his way of acknowledging the joke while staying in character. “Right. Because nothing says, ‘cutting-edge corporate strategy’ like a flock of pigeons.”

  Worker 42 straightened her fern whispering to it. “I bet the Behavioral and Cultural Alignment Committee is watching us right now…”