The Café of Affection ordeal finally ended with an explosion of pink confetti and a dramatic announcement that we had passed the first trial of True Love. I felt a surge of relief so potent I almost cheered. Surviving a raid boss with 1 HP felt less taxing than that forced dose of romantic saccharine. But my relief was short-lived.

  [New Challenge: Journey Through the Tunnel of Love!]

  My stomach dropped.

  "Tunnel of Love"? Seriously? This event was determined to assault every last shred of my dignity. Before I could even formulate a suitably sarcastic response, the world dissolved into a nauseating swirl of pink mist.

  When the scene finally resolved, I found myself standing before it. A monstrous, heart-shaped tunnel, pulsating with an unsettling inner light, adorned with enough twinkling fairy lights and pink fluff to give a flamingo a seizure. It looked like a unicorn had exploded in a candy floss factory.

  A disembodied, syrupy-sweet voice echoed through the tunnel, making my teeth ache. “Welcome, lovers, to the Tunnel of Love! Answer the questions of the heart truthfully, and your love shall blossom! Fail, and face the consequences!”

  Luna snorted beside me.

  "Consequences? Like what? Being force-fed glitter and rainbows until we explode?"

  I shuddered. The image was disturbingly vivid.

  The tunnel entrance glowed, and we were propelled forward on a heart-shaped gondola. The lurching motion made me grab the side – not that there was much to hold onto. As we glided into the pink depths of the tunnel, giant, floating hearts bearing questions materialized before us. Each one pulsed with a disconcertingly organic throb.

  The first question appeared, shimmering in the air like a bad omen:

  “What is your partner’s most endearing quality?”

  I glanced at Luna. Endearing? We’d known each other for approximately ten minutes, thanks to this infernal event. The most I could say was that she seemed efficient at clicking buttons, which was more than I could say for some of the players I’d raided with. Also, her evident disdain for this whole charade was almost… endearing.

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  Almost.

  Meanwhile, Luna was staring fixedly at the tunnel ceiling, as if praying for a meteor strike. After a long, awkward silence, I stammered,

  "Uh… You’re… very… assertive?"

  [Affection Score: +1]

  Luna rolled her eyes.

  "Assertive? That’s a polite way of saying I’ll verbally flay anyone who breathes in my direction."

  I shrugged. At least I got a point.

  “Your turn,” I responded, my tone dry as dust. “Try not to die of exertion thinking of something nice to say about me.”

  She made a face as though finding something nice to say was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life.

  After an agonizing pause, she let out an impatient sigh.

  “I haven’t had to report you for any kind of harassment… yet.”

  [Affection Score: +3]

  Okay, so self-deprecating humour seemed to be the winning strategy.

  The next question appeared:

  “What is your ideal date?”

  My ideal date involved grinding for XP and rare loot, not being trapped in this pastel-coloured nightmare. I almost answered honestly, but a sense of self-preservation stopped me. This game probably wouldn’t appreciate the nuances of my gaming preferences.

  “A date where this event is over,” I mumbled, echoing Luna’s earlier sentiment.

  [Affection Score: +5]

  Luna gave me a small, almost approving nod. We were developing a system, a silent pact forged in the fires of shared suffering.

  The interrogation continued. Each question was more ridiculous than the last.

  “If your partner were a mythical creature, what would they be?”

  Luna gave me a once over before responding. “A… uh… griffin? Because they fly and… stuff?”

  I held back a chuckle. That made no sense at all.

  “A basilisk” I answered, not pulling any punches. “One look and you’re dust.” Luna raised an eyebrow. I quickly added, “A very, very caffeine-deprived basilisk.”

  “What is your partner’s favourite flower?”

  “I dunno. Do digital flowers even exist?” Luna replied with a bored shrug.

  "Nightshade. Poisonous. Pretty. Gets the point across.” Was my immediate response only to receive a wry smile from Luna, which I interpreted as approval.

  My face reddened as I realised I had just called her pretty without really intending to. I mean, she was pretty, but that wasn't the point.

  By the time we lurched to a stop at the end of the tunnel, the gondola swaying precariously as if threatening to tip us into a pit of despair (or worse, an even pinker pit)

  I was convinced the game was malfunctioning. The Affection Score counter was flickering erratically, displaying numbers that seemed mathematically impossible.

  The disembodied voice now sounded distinctly strained, like it was gargling rainbows.

  “Congratulations…?” it wheezed, the forced cheer completely gone. “You have… somehow… passed? The Tunnel of Love!”

  We were unceremoniously dumped back into the town square, the relentless pinkness assaulting our retinas. I rubbed my temples, already feeling a headache coming on.

  I turned to Luna, ready to share a grimace of shared misery, and paused as shockwaves spiralled through me.

  She was… smiling.

  An actual smile!!

  “You know,” she said, a hint of amusement in her voice, “This is actually kind of entertaining.”

  I stared at her, bewildered.

  “You’re insane.”