【22.】

  Back in the ward, Du Bin was still there. He saw me coming in and immediately got up to walk beside me, holding my arm and asking: "Are you okay?"

  I dodged his hand and said lightly: "Why are you still here?"

  He didn't mind my attitude and followed me to bed, even helping me adjust the pillow after I got under the covers.

  I lay in bed and waved my hand wearily: "You go ahead, I can handle it myself."

  "Willow Jia." He seemed to want to say something, but didn't seem like it.

  I really didn't have the heart to say anything more to him, so I turned over and turned my back on him, let him do whatever he wanted. Nowadays, I can't even take care of myself, how can I worry about others?

  "Let's forget about him and go abroad."

  I couldn't help but smile and finally turned around to look at him: "Du Bin, you've planned this well."

  He seemed not to have understood, looking at me in confusion: "What?"

  I sat up and stared at him: "Now that everything has gone as you wished, what's there to be unhappy about? You want the white face to sing, and the red face to sing too. What do you really want? Why don't you just say it out loud? If I can help, I will definitely help, and there's no need for you to pretend to be friendly with me every day."

  "What are you talking about?" He took a slight step forward, seemingly genuinely puzzled "What's wrong with me? You said 'you guys', who am I with?"

  "Hah! What a huge joke. You're not telling me that everything up to now has been a coincidence, Shen Zong's birthday is a coincidence, and Shen Zong appearing at the hospital is also a coincidence."

  "I really don't know what you're talking about. What's going on? What do you want to know?" He anxiously grabbed my arm "Does it have anything to do with me?"

  I quickly pulled back my arm, and a sense of powerlessness surged up inside me. I lay back down, not looking at him again: "It's okay... it doesn't matter anymore."

  "Come abroad with me..."

  I didn't answer and gradually fell asleep.

  In a dream, it seemed like someone was caressing me, those familiar warm fingers, with an unbelievable tenderness. Was it him?

  No way...

  That hand stroked from my cheekbone to the bridge of my nose, and then from the corner of my eye to the tip of my nose. It seemed as if it was trying to imprint something, yet it felt extremely infatuated.

  This must be a dream... But even if it's a dream, that's fine... It's a dream, that's fine.

  A sigh echoed in my ear, this sound was too real, I wanted to open my eyes to look, but there was no strength at all.

  His voice was so close and clear: "Five years... five years... I always feel it's so short. Without me... you must take good care of yourself in the future."

  On the second day, when I woke up, Du Bin was already lying beside me, without even changing his clothes. As I moved my arm, he immediately got up and asked: "Do you want to have breakfast?"

  I shook my head and thought for a long time before asking: "Did anyone come last night?"

  "No." He tidied up his things without looking at me.

  Seeing me not speaking, he turned around and stared at me, saying: "I've been here all along, and there's no one coming. But you, in the middle of the night, kept shouting 'Shen Dang'. Liu Jia, have you still not forgotten him? If you can't forget, why did you come back alone yesterday after seeing him, and be so heartbroken? That's between the two of you, I didn't want to ask for a reason, but I'm afraid that if you talk about it again, it'll be another bout of heartache. Can't you just clear your head a bit?"

  My eyes are dry and uncomfortable, but I couldn't cry, I could only look at Du Bin with a pleading gaze, hoping he would say the answer I had been longing for.

  "Come abroad with me." He couldn't bear to look at my eyes, turned his head away "I've arranged everything, the school overseas... still your major."

  "I don't."

  I want to stay here, even if I can't see him. At least we'll be in the same city, and that's some comfort.

  Is this wish too extravagant, can't it be done?

  "Yao Jia! You need to think about your child, no matter who the father is, but you are the mother after all. In our country, as an unmarried pregnant college student, what kind of ridicule will your child face in the future? Abroad is more open and fewer people know you. You and the child... will be better off."

  My biology is not good, and math is even weaker, so I can't calculate the probability that this child is Shen Zhong's. But whether it's 99% or 1%, Du Bin said one thing right.

  My hand subconsciously strokes my belly.

  But in the end it was my mother.

  ————————————————————————

  Everything went so smoothly, before leaving, I made a return trip to Wuxi.

  Dad and mom obviously didn't expect me to come home, they were surprised and busy making a lot of my favorite dishes.

  After dinner, I mentioned the matter of going abroad.

  "Mom was very surprised: 'How can you suddenly want to go abroad?'"

  "It's a exchange student." I explained to mom in a serious tone, but it sounded like I was telling myself "Will be back."

  Compared with his mother, his father seemed very calm: "What country?"

  Canada.

  "Alright..." Dad patted my shoulder with his hand. "You're all grown up now... go wherever you want to go."

  Mom's eyes were slightly red, and she turned her head away.

  On the morning of the day I was about to leave, Mother handed me a jade pendant: "This is what I prayed for at the temple. When you're out in the world, be extra careful."

  I hugged my mom and cried uncontrollably.

  "Mom's eyes were red as she pushed me: 'Hey... what's wrong? It's not like I'm not coming back.'"

  The plane back to Beijing is at two o'clock in the afternoon, I went out after having breakfast.

  The school playground is a little different from a few years ago. The students around me are wearing school uniforms, and their carefree youth makes people envy them.

  The court where he used to play ball has changed its protagonist, and under the sun, boys' sweat is swinging freely. I seem to still see that young man, handsome face, tall figure.

  I remember Gege telling me that if there's an afterlife, she definitely doesn't want to see him playing basketball.

  So if there's an afterlife, I definitely don't want to meet him again...

  It's better this way, so we won't be in love.

  As if by a ghostly errand, I went to the Shen family's villa, which had been uninhabited for years and had its gate tightly locked. Only the flowers and grass outside the door were still lush and blooming. Presumably, someone must have been taking care of them.

  That lush little tree, I couldn't call out its name, only remembering that Shen Zhong would occasionally caress its leaves, as if infinitely fond of it.

  I carved my name under a tree.

  Even if I know I have to leave...I still want to leave something here.

  It seems that as long as I carve like this, I will really be like this tree and never leave. Stationed here, waiting for him to come back.

  Youth is a river that cannot be returned, on this river, the past and the present are intertwined; if you look back, at the moment of occurrence, we have done many things that we thought were right, and suffered many injuries that we thought could not be forgiven. Time teaches us the truth, teaches us to grow up.

  But that bewildered and helpless period before understanding the truth... is also called time.

  The moment the plane soared into the sky, I told myself in my heart.

  Goodbye.