【19.】

  There was no room in my mind for a second thought, the person lying on the bed had already opened his eyes. I hastily put on my clothes, but this dress is very complicated, I wore it for half a day and couldn't figure out how to do it, and almost messed it up in my hurry.

  Du Bin unknowingly put on his clothes and walked over to me: "Let me help you..."

  I took a step back and shouted loudly like crazy: "Don't touch me!"

  His hand hovered in mid-air, but ultimately fell listlessly. It took me a long time to smooth out the incomprehensible dress, as if I were handling something extremely serious.

  I put on my clothes, took a deep breath, and walked towards the door.

  The person behind me came over and grabbed my arm: "Liu Jia!"

  I don't know where I got the strength from, but I fiercely shook off his hand. Du Bin stumbled and almost fell over. I looked at him, my eyes gradually welling up with tears, but I stubbornly refused to cry.

  I know... I've lost everything.

  But I am reluctant to give up this last bit of dignity of mine.

  Du Bin lowered his head for a long time before slowly raising it to look at me, his lips opening and closing as he struggled to form three complete words.

  "Sorry."

  I burst out laughing, tears mixed with a smile, I had never been so desperate before.

  "Sorry?" I glared at him, wishing he would be crushed to dust. "I can't take your words, blame myself for being so careless."

  "Don't say that..." He took a step forward, staring at me intently. "If you don't want me to tell anyone, I'll just pretend yesterday was a dream, and I was bewitched, unable to control myself. If it's hard for you... then from now on, I'll take care of you instead. I will be as good to you as he is, cherish you, and protect you."

  I was dazed by Du Bin's sentence "like him" and feared that from then on, I would no longer have the good fortune to share in such happiness.

  "I can't pretend nothing ever happened..."

  He heard this sentence, seemingly surprised. I deliberately ignored his surprised expression and continued: "I hate you."

  Du Bin stretched out his hand and was about to pull me: "Liu Jia..."

  I dodged to the side and finally said those words: "But I hate myself even more."

  He seemed to be frightened by this sentence of mine, and stood there in a daze, unable to say a word. I didn't want to entangle with him anymore, so I turned around and left.

  When I got home, the people sitting in the hall except Shen Zhong...

  There is also Liu Xin.

  Shen Duan saw that I was very happy: "Finally back...... Liu Xin said you drank too much yesterday and were taken home by your classmates. Is that true?"

  Liu Xin sat on the sofa, slightly nervously pulling at the hem of her clothes.

  I've never had a Qingming like today, everything is unprecedentedly clear in my eyes, I smiled and replied: "Yes."

  He wrapped his arm around my waist and walked into the hall, saying repeatedly: "After I toasted all the uncles yesterday, I turned back and couldn't find you anywhere. I thought you had gone somewhere else, luckily Xian told me a few times."

  I forced a smile out of myself with great difficulty.

  Shen Duan looked at my clothes and frowned: "Why don't you change your clothes... how uncomfortable."

  "It's okay..."

  He wanted to say something else, but I interrupted him: "Shen Zhong, there's something I want to tell you."

  He smiled: "What's up, just say it. Can I not agree with you?"

  "I...". I took a deep breath before continuing "Let's break up."

  "What?"

  I remained silent and didn't speak again, stood up and walked out of the door.

  "Wait!"

  Shen Dang walked over, grabbed my hand, and looked at me in disbelief: "What did you say?"

  I didn't dare to look into his eyes, yet I had to face him. This was such a difficult thing for me, and all I could do was repeatedly comfort myself: just get through it... just get through it...

  "I said let's break up."

  His hand was tightly grasping my arm, and my hand had gone numb from the pain. But I didn't make a sound.

  Shen Diao's face was as calm as water, but his eyes were filled with sorrow: "Why?"

  I faintly lowered my eyelids: "No why, no love anymore. Can't I?"

  "Fallen out of love?" He burst into laughter, as if he had heard the most ridiculous joke. "Liu Jia, we've known each other for five years, and spent two years together day and night. Now you say you don't love me? You leave so cleanly, but where do I stand?"

  Where is it placed... where is it placed?

  "From the start, it wasn't you that I liked. The reason I've been trying so hard to get on your good side is just because of...because of who you are."

  He suddenly pulled me hard and I fell into his arms, his other hand tightly wrapped around my waist, as if to embed me in his body.

  His voice was choked with sobs, but he stubbornly repeated word for word: "I don't believe it... you love me... you love me!"

  I couldn't bear to leave such an embrace, and I was greedy for the warmth in his arms.

  "Let me move out and live on my own..." I leaned into his arms, feeling desolate in my heart. "Let me be alone for a while."

  "Good..." His tears fell on my shoulder, scorching temperature.

  ——————————————————

  I moved back to the dormitory, and those three people were still a bit strange, but seeing that I didn't have a smile on my face every day, they more or less guessed that I had some kind of dispute with Shen Dong.

  The bedroom was always filled with all sorts of things, food, clothes, books and daily necessities. Later, these three people took turns acting as Shen Zhong's spokesperson. I listened, but just smiled faintly.

  Sometimes Gao Yuanyuan would mention Shen Dang, saying things like "I ran into Shen Dang at the library today, this kid's eyes were so downcast that I couldn't help but feel sorry for him..."

  It's like when I came back just now, I vaguely saw what seemed to be that little handsome guy standing under our dorm building.

  There are many examples of this kind, and it is impossible to list them all.

  Liu Xin had looked for me once and I refused. She asked on the phone if I resented her, I thought for a long time before answering: "You should hate me... From now on, I owe you nothing. Consider that you never had a sister like me."

  It's not just these few people who come to make small talk, I receive invitations from Shen Yao, Gege... even Beizi every day, but I've never accepted any of them.

  I just need some time to digest this, I don't dare say that I'm a chaste and virtuous woman, living in this era, my thoughts are sometimes inevitably open. In fact, without anyone saying anything, I'll just let myself slowly forget, maybe I still have the chance to be with Shen Zhuang again.

  Two months later on an afternoon, I was tidying up my dresser when I happened to see the sanitary napkin that had been neatly placed there, untouched.

  My heart skipped a beat... an idea surged up... but it was something I could no longer control.

  I crouched on the ground, laughing until I cried.