【16.】

  Thousands of expectations finally arrived at Shen Dong's birthday, and all the unpleasant things before that can be ignored by us, such as Hu Wei and Mrs. Shen.

  The night before my birthday, I welcomed a special guest.

  Xu Xin

  She was calmer than I had imagined, sitting on the sofa with a bland expression looking at me.

  Shen Duan hasn't come back yet. I told him that we're inviting Liu Xin today, he probably wants to leave some time for the two of us, so he's not coming back.

  She didn't say a word, so I had to break the silence first: "Liu Xin...I never thought of hiding it from you for so long. I just couldn't find the right opportunity to tell you."

  Perhaps it was this sentence with a strong tone of excuse that made her unhappy, she frowned and asked: "Five years, three years of daily interaction. Sister, are you telling me you didn't have the opportunity?"

  "Okay... At first I was timid and afraid you would get angry if you knew the truth."

  "Am I going to move now?" Liu Xin smiled coldly "Sister, I never thought it would be you."

  I was wrong from the start. All words sound so pale and powerless, after all it was me who concealed, after all it was me who knew her intentions but didn't speak up.

  "What a big deal would it be?" Her voice grew louder with anger "If you had told me five years earlier, or even three years earlier, what a big deal would it be? Do you take me for a child? Do you think I don't understand love? In the midst of choosing and giving up, do only you people understand?"

  "Xin Liu..." I hastily reached out to grab her hand "Don't be like this."

  She pushed me away: "Don't be like this? Then how should I be, these five years I've been pouring out my love to you like a fool, in front of your pure love it's like being a clown. Do you know how surprised I was when I received your call yesterday? You're my sister! How can you do this!"

  Faced with such questioning, I couldn't utter a single word. Every one of her sentences had once been the words I used to question myself in my midnight reveries; how could I give her a grandiose answer when I couldn't even answer myself?

  "Ah... " She suddenly smiled "He's always been particularly special to you, I used to think he was like that with me... but it turns out it was all because of you."

  "It's my fault, I don't want to argue with you anymore." My eyes were slightly red, but I was afraid that these tears would be too fake and sentimental at this moment, so I forced them back. "I didn't want things to end up like this either, if only I had told you earlier, maybe it wouldn't have been like this...but I didn't...Liu Xian, time can't flow backwards, or even if it could, I would still choose to hide the truth again. That's just the kind of person I am, you can say whatever you want, but I also have my own difficulties."

  "Sometimes I envy you, you can say your admiration freely, but I don't. You know what kind of person he is, and I'm three years older than him. When I was struggling with my age and family background, no one came to share my sorrow, no one came to comfort my unhappiness. What I've been hiding isn't just my guilt towards you, but also my own heartache."

  This is a heartfelt speech from me, I'm not good at showing my vulnerability in front of people, there are some things that I'd rather endure the hardship myself than share with others.

  But this time it's different, I may only say some of the words that I have been suppressing for a long time to make Liu Xian understand my difficulties. Indeed, from any aspect, I shouldn't hide anything, but my beginning with Shen Zhong was so vague and uncertain for me, how can I express it to Liu Xian?

  It was what she said that Shen Zhong stood under the street lamp for a long time, or it was what she said that every time Shen Zhong saw me, there were subtle changes in his facial expression?

  She probably didn't expect me to say these words, turned her head away and didn't look at me, but her eyes were red: "Anyway, you're right."

  ……

  This sentence is too familiar, when I was a kid and played with Liu Xin, it was always like this, taking strong words to seize the reason, even if it was really my fault, I would still refuse to admit it with a thick skin. Ten or so years have passed...I still use this trick. But can no longer be described as having a thick skin in such a light and airy way, shameless, roughly like that.

  I grasped her hand and she finally stopped struggling: "Xin Xin, it's sister's fault. But I didn't mean to hurt you, that wasn't my intention."

  She suddenly burrowed into my arms and hugged me, bursting out crying: "You bully! You bully!!"

  I finally couldn't bear it anymore, and tears fell one after another. Jiang Ma brought over tea and saw us in this state, wanting to comfort us but not knowing what to say.

  I patted Liu Xian's back: "Good kid... I'm still your sister. Are you really angry with me?"

  "I just heard it and didn't dare to believe." She pulled at my clothes, crying pitifully "I was angry, but when I saw you... I felt like I couldn't be angry anymore. Sis..."

  I finally couldn't say another word and buried myself in Liu Xin's back, sobbing uncontrollably.

  At night, I kept Liu Xin at home for dinner. I cried and cried, and later Liu Xin gradually stopped, but I still shed tears.

  "Sister..." She shook my arm "Why do you look even more heartbroken than me?"

  I was speechless, feeling that I wasn't just wrong, but also despicable compared to Liu Xin. This younger sister, this younger sister I've always been protecting, has always been in my heart as someone I'm shielding. But tonight, I realized that the one being willful was actually me.

  Shen Duan returned just in time for dinner, and Liu Xin saw him with a slightly restless expression.

  He smiled: "I've been wanting to invite you to play for a long time. Your sister mentioned it several times."

  Liu Xin felt a bit awkward: "Uh..."

  Shen Duan was unusually talkative, chatting about this and that, gossiping about others, completely unlike his usual self. Liu Xin looked at him with a loving expression that couldn't be ignored. I sighed, feeling helpless and sad for the first time because of something like this.

  It was already past seven after dinner. Shen Duan said it's late and asked Liu Xin to stay overnight. She looked at me, nodded in agreement.

  At night when I lay in bed, I couldn't fall asleep. The person beside me, Liu Xin, didn't make any noise, but after a long while, she suddenly called out to me: "Sister."

  "Huh?"

  She turned over and looked at me straight: "You don't know how much I envy you."

  Before I could even speak, she continued: "I still can't control myself... seeing him still makes my heart beat faster, it's like I'm back to being sixteen."

  Her hair fell down and I reached out to help her put it back up.

  "I don't think there's anything wrong with liking someone like this, and I plan to keep on liking him." Her eyes shone brightly in the darkness, radiating a light that was unique to girls. "But I know he'll only be happy if he's with you. Compared to my own happiness...I want him to be happy even more. If it wasn't for true feelings, I wouldn't want it either."

  "Xiao Xin..." I stroked her face, at this moment the young and tender face was filled with stubbornness and persistence. "Sister wishes you happiness."

  Her hand covered mine: "Sister, I've loved someone before and know what it feels like... When Shen Zhuo calls your name, it's different from when he calls others. If you're his happiness..."

  Liu Xin's voice was choked, and tears flowed into my palm: "Then please... be happy forever. I'm just one of his pursuers. He has so many pursuers, but maybe only you can stand by his side... Only you."

  I stretched out my hand and pulled her into my arms, with a heart full of guilt and self-blame.

  That night, Liu Xin wept in my arms until she fell asleep.

  That night I did not sleep all night.

  That night, Shen Zong tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.

  It was the eve of his birthday.

  It is also the last calm before the change comes.