The dinner was finally over, and I was walking Silika back to her room.

  The rest of the dinner had been rather uneventful.

  My aunt had made a show of how much she and her daughter had been taking care of my father and how often they had visited him. Meanwhile Karl Omain had explained at length how he and his brother Elliott had kept the household afloat. Frederick Omain and Hellion Fauger’s families had seemed contempt with pointing out how much ‘benefit’ their mere presence had brought to the region.

  Of course these were all things said for show. Clotop was a self-sufficient city at the worst of times and my father was already well attended by our retainers without the help of anyone else.

  Silika rubbed her eyes as she tried to walk in a straight line. I picked her up and nestled her in my arm where she dug her sleepy head in the crease of my neck. The dinner had continued well into the night and after barely having any time to rest, it was a wonder she was even still standing.

  I could feel the exhaustion slowly washing over my own body, but I knew the night was far from over for me.

  I won’t be able to rest until my father is…

  I felt my stomach twist on itself. I had tried my best to keep my emotions in check through all of this, but it was getting harder.

  Hearing everyone and myself talking about my father in such a matter-of-factly way had almost made me forget the reality of the situation.

  My father was dying as we spoke and I, his only son, had yet to show my face to him.

  I had made a lot of excuses to avoid doing so, and I am ashamed to admit that I felt relief when Lady Gotts informed me that he was asleep when I’d been cornered into visiting him.

  I justified it to myself that I couldn’t bog myself down with any more emotions right now, since I had to deal with the parasites that had made their homes here, but the truth is that I was afraid.

  Afraid that when I enter that large bedroom on the third floor, I would not recognise the man laying in that bed. I had always seen my father as a man bigger than life. I respected him and thrived to become someone worthy of his respect. Wise, powerful, compassionate, but now…

  I’m afraid that when I enter his bedroom and see him, I will only see a decrepit old man in his dying moments and that I will feel nothing, but what I feared even more than that was the possibility that he wouldn’t recognise me either.

  He and I would face each other, man to man, staring into each other’s eyes and feeling nothing but indifference…

  …And that I would then have to watch that person I had idolised my entire life die a lonely death…

  …And still feel nothing.

  Silika was already asleep by the time we arrived at her room. A maid was waiting for us and she delicately took her from me before disappearing into the bedroom.

  I glanced down the hallway and was relieved to notice one of my knights was standing guard as I had instructed. I doubt anyone would be foolish enough to try something, but there was no being too careful.

  I faced the door again and stood there for a moment, unsure what to do next.

  I knew that if I went to my room and tried to sleep, I would simply stare at the ceiling until the sun rose.

  Perhaps I should find Marlot? He might have some thoughts regarding how to proceed.

  Or perhaps I should…

  ”Marshal! I was hoping to catch you.”

  A familiar woman called out to me.

  Cicile…

  She was strangely amiable during dinner. Personally, I felt grateful, but I couldn’t help feeling suspicious of her.

  ”Good Evening, Lady Cicile.”

  She looked at me funny.

  ”Don’t ‘Lady Cicile’ me! We’re cousins! We basically grew up together!”

  It was a bit of a stretch, as we’d only met frequently when we were still children. I hadn’t seen her since I was 15. Why was she so insistent on acting familiar?

  ”Oh? Where’s your daughter?”

  She asked as she looked around me curiously.

  ”She’s gone to bed, It’s been a long day for her…”

  …And for me.

  ”Ah I see, understandable. Shame, I wanted to introduce myself.”

  She said with a disappointed expression.

  She wanted to introduce herself to Silika? What did she want with her?

  I frowned.

  Her actions were strange. Why would she speak up for me during dinner and then track me down right after? Why was she cozying up to me? Was there something she was after…?

  …Or maybe…

  …Wait. No, that’s impossible…

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  …Is she…

  …Trying to get the county by seducing me?!

  No that’s absurd! We’re cousins!

  Well I mean cousin can get married I guess, but that’s still wrong! We’ve known each other since we were children!

  But maybe she sees it differently… And I mean, she has grown to be very charming. Her soft blue eyes, her long flowing red locks, her perfect dainty nose…

  Oh no!…

  I almost fell for her scheme for a moment! I need to nip this in the bud before I slip up.

  ”I’m sorry, but I don’t think Silika will be meeting anyone for the time being, she is quite shy and tonight’s dinner shook her quite a lot.”

  “Oh Steihnner’s grace, poor little duckling! Of course the dinner must have been terrifying for a small child! Oh my… Oh my… I should have stopped the conversation before people started screaming…”

  It seems rumours of Silika’s deafness hadn’t spread yet, which was probably good news. It also seems my excuse was quite effective as well, with a bit of luck I should be able to at least keep Silika away from these vultures for the time being.

  Now I just need to make it clear I’m not on the market for a new wife or lover.

  ”Well, I have a minute right, would you care for some tea?”

  I offered as I tried to come up with a way to make myself clear.

  ”Ah no, not really.”

  She said in a flat tone taking me aback.

  What was that response?

  ”I just wanted to see my niece up close.”

  She said in what was unmistakably a disappointed tone.

  I narrowed my eyes.

  “You really just wanted to meet Silika?”

  She looked at me funny again.

  ”Of course I did! She’s my cute niece after all! What kind of aunt doesn’t want to meet her niece!”

  I felt disoriented and confused by her words as she continued.

  ”I was only able to see her from the corner of my eyes, but isn’t she the cutest little thing?! I saw her eating that slice of ham and I couldn’t stop thinking how much she looks like a little squirrel! Well, a very carnivorous squirrel anyway… Oh and that cute pink hair! It looks like a chick’s first coat! It’s sooooo cute! OH and when she tried to raise her cup for the toast! I thought my heart would explode!”

  She started gushing with an excited expression.

  Did she… Really mean that?

  But why Silika?

  ”Don’t Elliot and Karl have kids too?”

  I asked, confused.

  She looked a bit conflicted

  ”Well yes, of course, but Karl’s boys are so bratty and loud. They’re not cute at all! Elliot’s daughter is cute, but you know she’s so tall and mature for her age, it’s just not the same!”

  I rubbed the bridge of my nose for a moment as I tried to suppress a sigh.

  And here I got worked up over nothing…

  ”Well I guess that’ll have to wait until this situation blows over.”

  She said with a sigh of her own.

  Maybe this was an opportunity to gather some information?

  ”Speaking of; what’s your take on all this?”

  I asked her to which she waved a dismissive hand.

  ”Nothing much deeper than what you saw at dinner. The Fauger and Omain think Clotop is easy picking. Karl is being his usual opportunist little prick. Mom says she’s doing it because she wants the estate to stay in the family, but I think she’s just the same as they are. Me? I don’t really care either way, but now… Well let’s just say I’d rather see you in charge around here.”

  She opinionated with a shrug.

  She looked at me for a moment. No real emotions showing on her face.

  ”You know… This would all be done and sorted if you just met with your father.”

  The words stung.

  They weren’t accusatory in nature, like they had been when coming from Marlot or Evelyn. They were a simple observation and the most obvious conclusion.

  If my father recognised me as heir and recognised Silika as his grand-daugther, those problems would just go away on their own, but as long as he and I didn’t meet face to face, it would remain as it does now.

  ”I know.”

  I simply answered.

  I knew that if I tried to say any more than that, a sea of excuses would immediately come pouring out of my mouth.

  She looked at me curiously for a moment before smiling and giving a short curtsy.

  ”Well on that. I wish you a good evening, Marshal. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  ”To you as well, Cicile.”

  I hesitated for a moment before adding.

  “Thanks… For the talk.”

  I said, giving a polite bow.

  She smiled before starting to walk away, before I called out to her once more.

  ”Oh and Cicile?”

  ”Mmh?”

  ”I think Silika should be able to meet with you in a day or two if that’s alright with you.”

  A wide smile spread on her lips.

  ”I look forward to it.”

  Once she disappeared from view, I walked away and toward the soldier doing his round nearby.

  ”How’s the night?”

  “Calm, my lord. Most of the guests have returned to their rooms or gathered in resting rooms. The servants are not moving in suspicious manners and there have been no intruders.”

  I nodded seriously at his report.

  ”Good work, soldier. Don’t let your guard down, we haven’t been home in a long time. We don’t know what might have changed… And keep an eye on my daughter's room. Anyone getting close to this door should be considered highly suspicious.”

  “As you command, my lord.”

  He brought his fist to his chest in a salute before returning to his patrol.

  I looked back at Silika’s bedroom door.

  I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her here alone after being with her at all times for the last few weeks, but there’s no way around it.

  I walked away, doing my best to believe Silika would be safe here.

  I walked for a long while, avoiding heading toward my bedroom where I knew sleep wouldn’t find me.

  I walked aimlessly down the corridors. Up different sets of stairs before my feet came to a halt.

  I looked up and only then realised where they had carried me.

  The door to my father’s bedroom.

  I placed my hand on the wood panel.

  Even if I wanted to, it was much too late to visit him.

  I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest as I imagined him, old and grey, laying on his bed only a few feet beyond this door.

  What would be his expression right now? Is he at peace? Is he in pain? Or is his mind tortured like mine?

  I closed my eyes.

  I remembered when these doors were always open. I would run into the room excitedly to show him some frog I’d caught outside or to tell him about some new thing I’d learn that day. Mom would be there all smiles, but trying to tell me father was busy, but he would still calmly listen to everything and anything I had to say. And no matter how meagre the achievement, he always told me how proud he was of me.

  I let out a long sigh before opening my eyes once more and looking up at the wooden door.

  That time was now gone. My mother died some five years ago, and then Lilica last year, and now it was my father’s turn, but I won’t leave any with regret this time.

  Tomorrow I’ll do it.

  I’ll walk into this room and meet my father after all these years…