Josh Cruise, Lauri Cruise, and William Dangerfield stood outside of the distinctly not-licensed-by-anyone fast-food joint, "MacDolan's." The sign, a slightly off-kilter version of a familiar golden arch, blinked erratically as if it too was aware of how absurdly they were skirting copyright laws.

  "Welcome to MacDolan's," William said, smirking as he mimicked a radio announcer. "The legally distinct restaurant that is in no way associated with any fast food chain you've ever heard of."

  Josh chuckled, his nerves settling for the first time in hours. "Why do we even come to these places? They always taste like regret."

  "Ah, but regret is free," William quipped. "And in a way, isn't that the ultimate savings?"

  Lauri rolled her eyes. "I swear, they probably spent more on lawyers to make sure they could use the name than they did on the food quality."

  Josh, however, was already looking at the menu, which seemed to consist mostly of items with names like "The Big Mock" and "Chicken Not-Gonna-Nugget." "They're really leaning into this joke, huh?" he muttered.

  "Yeah, almost like they want to point out how stupid it is in the most annoying way possible," Lauri said, elbowing Josh. "Anyway, I'm starving. Let's get something to eat that'll probably kill us slowly."

  Inside, they ordered their food from a cashier who looked both disinterested and existentially exhausted. They grabbed a corner booth, the faux-leather seats sticking slightly to their skin.

  "MacDolan's really knows how to create an experience," Josh muttered as he tried to peel himself off the seat.

  Lauri giggled. "Yeah, an experience in questioning your life choices."

  William was about to add another comment when Lojan Mackimee, eternally unfazed by all things mortal, stood up abruptly. "I'm gonna hit the bathroom. Let me know if anything hilarious happens while I'm gone." He winked with his trademark overconfidence and sauntered off, unaware that the universe was about to oblige his request.

  Inside the dimly lit restroom—dubbed "MacPrivy's" by a poorly thought-out sign on the door—Lojan washed his hands at a sink that seemed to have exactly one working faucet out of four. The mirror was cracked in a way that made his reflection look more like abstract art.

  Suddenly, Lojan felt a presence behind him. He turned and came face to face with... Jeffrey Epstein. The notorious figure stood there, looking almost polite, but with an eerie grin that somehow managed to be both charming and unsettling.

  "Hey, buddy," Epstein whispered, his voice carrying a strange mix of friendliness and menace. "Mind if I ask you a favor?"

  Before Lojan could respond with one of his usual quips, Epstein opened his mouth and exhaled a thick, colorless gas. The air grew dense, and a sweet, almost sickly smell filled Lojan's nostrils.

  "What is this—some kind of—" Lojan began, but then stopped, blinking. His eyes watered slightly, but he felt... fine. Just a little dazed, maybe. He shook his head, trying to clear the haze that was creeping into his thoughts.

  Epstein chuckled softly. "You'll find out soon enough, my friend." And with that, he turned on his heel and disappeared out of the restroom, slipping back into the dining area with a casual stride.

  Lojan blinked again, his brain foggy but not quite registering anything unusual. He shrugged, convinced that whatever had just happened was probably not important. It was just another day in the life of Lojan Mackimee, where every weird encounter was just a part of the journey.

  He walked back to the booth, finding Josh, Lauri, and William still debating over whether or not the "MacFillet-o-Piscine" could legally be called fish.

  "Anything happen?" Lauri asked, smirking.

  "Nah," Lojan replied, sitting down and taking a deep breath. "Same old, same old. You know, MacDolan's-level weirdness."

  The clattering sounds of fries dropping into plastic trays, the faint buzz of the overhead lights, and the unmistakable scent of fried something-or-other filled the air of "McDowells," the fast food chain that was definitely, totally, not McDonald's. Josh leaned back in his chair, casually tearing into his "McDowell's Deluxe Royale" burger and chuckling at the absurdity of the name. "Seriously," he muttered through a mouthful of processed beef, "How do they even get away with calling it 'Not McDonald's'?"

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  Lauri snorted, wiping a bit of ketchup from her lip. "I guess if you point out that you're not something enough times, legally, you're fine," she joked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "And besides, what's the worst that could happen? A parody lawsuit?"

  William Dangerfield laughed, metal utensils on the table twitching subtly as his fingers brushed near them. "I mean, the whole thing's a damn joke anyway," he added with a grin. "But hey, if we get sued, maybe that's our next adventure—going to court. I'd love to see how the law handles this crew."

  Josh laughed, but his eyes flicked toward Lojan, who had been eerily quiet ever since he returned from the restroom. Lojan's usual comedic timing had been off; he hadn't made a single quip in minutes. He sat hunched over his tray, his burger forgotten, his eyes darting around the room like a rabbit sensing a predator. His hands trembled slightly, and he muttered under his breath.

  Lauri nudged Josh with her elbow. "What's up with Lojan?" she whispered. "He's acting... weird."

  Before Josh could respond, Lojan suddenly stood up, knocking his chair back with a loud clatter. "I have to... I have to breathe it again," he muttered, a hint of desperation in his voice.

  Josh blinked, completely caught off guard. "What? Breathe what? Dude, what are you talking about?"

  Lojan's eyes darted to the door, then back to the group. His face was flushed, his expression a mixture of panic and determination. "The gas," he whispered, as if it were a secret. "I need it again... Jeffrey's gas..."

  Josh's eyes widened. "Jeffrey... Epstein?" he stammered, his burger halfway to his mouth. "You met Jeffrey Epstein? And... and what the fuck do you mean you need his gas?"

  Lojan didn't respond; he turned on his heel and sprinted toward the door of the McDowells, pushing past patrons and leaving his tray and uneaten burger behind. The glass door swung open violently, letting in a gust of cold air that cut through the stuffy atmosphere of the restaurant.

  "Wait!" Josh shouted, jumping up and knocking his own chair over in the process. "Lojan, wait!"

  But Lojan was already outside, running like a madman down the street. Lauri stood up, looking concerned. "What the hell just happened?" she asked, her voice tinged with worry.

  Josh looked back at her, bewildered. "I have no idea. He's never acted like this before... not even when he was messing around."

  William, still seated, leaned back in his chair with a knowing smirk. "I think our boy's caught a case of whatever Epstein was giving out. And I don't mean an exclusive invite to a private island."

  Lauri rolled her eyes. "Not funny, Will. What do we do?"

  Josh was already moving toward the door, grabbing his jacket. "We find him before he does something stupid. He's our ally now, right? We've gotta make sure he's okay."

  William sighed, pushing his chair back slowly. "Fine, fine, but I swear, if I have to deal with any more creeps from this world's rogues' gallery, I'm charging a consulting fee."

  Josh stepped outside into the brisk air, his eyes scanning the streets. He caught a glimpse of Lojan's coat disappearing around the corner. He took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his decision pressing down on him. "Okay, let's move," he muttered, breaking into a run after Lojan, his heart racing as he wondered just how deep this new mystery would go.

  Lojan's footsteps echoed through the dark, narrow alleyways of the abandoned district. His face was twisted in confusion and desperation, his breath coming in ragged bursts. "I gotta find him... I gotta breathe that gas again!" he muttered, his hands trembling, clawing at his own chest as if trying to calm the frantic beat of his heart. Sweat dripped from his brow, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

  Josh and Lauri trailed behind him, cautious but determined. They exchanged a worried glance.

  "What's going on with him?" Lauri whispered, keeping her voice low.

  "I don't know, but we can't let him go alone," Josh replied. His grip tightened around the hilt of the mystical sword hanging from his belt, the cool metal grounding him amidst the chaos. "He's acting like he's addicted to whatever Epstein did to him... we gotta help him."

  They finally reached a decrepit mansion at the end of the alley, a looming structure that seemed to swallow the light around it. The windows were cracked, the paint peeling, and an unnatural chill hung in the air. Lojan burst through the front door without hesitation, his voice frantic. "Where are you, Epstein? I need... I need it!"

  Inside, Jeffrey Epstein stood at the center of a dimly lit room, dressed in an unsettlingly clean suit that contrasted with the filthy surroundings. He smiled, a thin, polite smile that barely reached his eyes. His mouth opened, and a low, gasping breath escaped, the room instantly filling with a faint, sickly sweet vapor.

  "Welcome, Lojan," Epstein said, his voice smooth, almost hypnotic. "I see you've come back for more. It's understandable... without my special gas, you'll feel worse than ever. But you know the terms, yes?" He glanced at Josh, who stood at the entrance with Lauri, wary and ready. "Hand over the ticket... and I'll give him what he needs."

  Josh hesitated. "You're not getting anything, you creep," he snapped. "Lojan, come on, snap out of it. You don't need whatever he's giving you!"

  Epstein's smile widened, becoming predatory. "Oh, but he does... and soon, he'll be too weak to resist. The longer he's away, the stronger the need becomes. Only I can stop his suffering..."

  As Epstein began to inhale, preparing to exhale more of the addictive gas, a blur shot through the dim room, and a gleaming blade sliced through the air with lightning speed. In an instant, Jeffrey Epstein was cut clean in half, his body falling to the ground in two neat pieces, his face frozen in a look of surprise.

  Vlad Ivanov stepped into the light, his karabela sword gleaming, a cigarette dangling from his lips. "Sorry I'm late," he muttered, exhaling smoke and kicking Epstein's remains away with disgust. "Couldn't find my lighter." He turned to Lojan, who was now shaking violently, his eyes rolling back into his head.

  "Listen, Lojan," Vlad said sternly, his voice cutting through the haze. "You're going cold turkey. You won't die, but it'll feel like hell. Better to go through it now than be this idiot's puppet forever."

  Josh let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Thanks, Vlad... but are you sure he'll be okay?"

  Vlad nodded, taking another drag from his cigarette. "He's immortal, remember? He can't die. Withdrawal is nasty, but he'll make it. Better this than giving Epstein a chance to manipulate him any longer."

  Lojan collapsed to his knees, clutching his chest, his body wracked with tremors. His eyes were still wild, but something in Vlad's calm, cold tone seemed to reach him. He nodded, just barely, a strained sound escaping his lips. "Cold... cold turkey..." he whispered, as if repeating the words was some kind of lifeline.

  Lauri stepped forward, her face a mix of concern and determination. "We'll get you through this, Lojan," she said softly, kneeling beside him. "Just hang in there, okay?"

  Vlad flicked his cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his shoe. "Now that that freak's out of the picture, we need to keep moving. Others will be coming for that ticket soon enough."

  Josh nodded, his resolve hardening. "Yeah... we keep going. We can't stop now."

  As they helped Lojan to his feet, his face contorted with pain but slowly gaining clarity, a sense of determination settled over the group. They knew the stakes were higher than ever, but they were ready. Together, they would face whatever came next.

  To be continued...