It was currently two days after I had first met Renius. I was sitting in a history class, taught as per usual one on one by a teacher employed specifically by the royal family. She had taught my siblings before me and subsequently, just like everyone else, compared me to my siblings a lot. No good comparisons, but I didn’t feel like focusing on that right now.

  Neither did I feel like focusing on the contents of her lecture. It was something about the timeline of our kingdom. Funded roughly 1000 years ago by this and that, yet the calendar was started anew 210 years ago when the disaster happened under the “Gifted King”, which was given that name because he was, well, gifted and a king, but more importantly because he led the country out of the chaos that followed the disaster. And about how ever since our kingdom has been expanding its border and power.

  But honestly, my mind was, unsurprisingly, elsewhere. However, this time around I wasn’t just willfully distracting myself because I hated the lessons, this time I was thinking about what happened two days ago and what Renius had told me.

  ………

  ……

  …

  The old man in front of me, who had just wielded fire and ice at once, as if it was the easiest thing in the world, despite my understanding to date being that every gifted had but one ability, had a complacent look on his face as he sucked in the smoke of his pipe.

  “How did you do that?”

  “I told you, it’s magic. Pretty cool, right?” He laughed.

  “What is magic? Why can you use two different abilities?”

  “Well, magic is just what I call it. But essentially it’s the ability to make all sorts of supernatural phenomena happen using what I call magical energy. Isn’t your mind reading just like that?” He spoke with a calm, like he was profoundly relaxed, as opposed to me, whose heart was pounding so fast and loud I thought he could hear it.

  “Yes? I mean, no? I don’t know what this ‘magical energy’ is and every ‘Gifted’ I know can only use one single ability. Are you not a ‘Gifted’?” I don’t know if the old man in front of me simply didn’t recognize my confusion or didn’t care. Or perhaps he thought it was funny? I couldn’t get a read on him at all and of course my ability not working on him in the slightest bit, whereas usually I could at least parse something–anything–made this encounter all the more confusing for me. For the first time in my life, as far back as I can think, I felt genuine wonder, curiosity and excitement.

  “People call me ‘Gifted’, but I prefer to think of my abilities as magic, so I guess you’d call me a mage? Then again I prefer the title of ‘Sage’, it has such a mysterious ring to it, doesn’t it?” He smiled like an idiot, seemingly amused by his own thoughts.

  At this point I was beginning to get frustrated. Frustrated at the unclear answers and random interjections. But nonetheless that was no reason to not ask more questions. What exactly was magic? How is it different from simply being gifted? Could I learn it?

  “So you are Gifted? Then why can you wield multiple abilities? Were you born with them?”

  “I wasn’t born with any ability as a matter of fact. But I guess what you really want to know is if I could naturally wield multiple different abilities? The answer to that is no, at first I could only use one single ability, like the gifted you know of. By the way, do you happen to know any good spots for food in the city? I could really go for something to eat now.” He randomly switched topics.

  “Food? Can you please stay on topic?” Was this old man going senile? We were in the middle of talking about this magic stuff and I was clearly still confused. It wasn’t like he spoke dismissively either, did he truly not realize how befuddled I was?

  “Sorry, sorry… where were we again?” The old man apologized, sincerely for all I could tell too.

  “What is the matter with you? In the first place, though I might not like it, I'm the prince, how come you are so relaxed with me? Aren’t you worried I might take offense at your flippant attitude?” It wasn’t like I would seriously try to use my authority, or perceived authority, since it was dubious if anyone would actually listen to me if I ordered them, but still, this old man, who was but an advisor to the royal family, which I belonged to, acted in a way that would get the common servant reprimanded at best.

  “To be honest I had completely forgotten that, but it doesn’t really matter either way, does it? Or will you have me imprisoned if you don’t like the way I speak?” The old man teased me with a grin on his face.

  “I–uh… no, I wasn’t planning on doing anything to you?” I stammered, before quickly switching the topic again to hide my embarrassment. “But you haven’t properly answered my questions yet!”

  “Is that right? I am sorry kiddo, what did you ask again? Maybe I should put this down for now haha.” He snapped once more, the pipe instantly stopped smoking and he put it away.

  “I want to know more about this magic. How does it work? How come you can use multiple abilities? What exactly is magical energy? And can I learn it?” My heart pounded hard as I asked that question. If it was possible to learn this, couldn’t I overcome all the ridicule?

  If I could acquire the abilities he just demonstrated, my father and mother, my siblings and Lubeck, everyone would have to acknowledge me…

  “Mhh that’s a lot to ask me on the spot. But essentially, you want to be able to do what I can do, is that right?”

  “Yes!” I answered instantly and loudly, unable to control my voice as my heart felt like it was about to explode.

  “Why is that? Are you unhappy with your abilities? I personally think being able to feel the emotions of others is a great power, fit for a king.” The old man’s tone became more serious, almost sullen.

  I hesitated on what to answer, but as I detested lying, I decided to just say what came to mind as I thought about this.

  “I don’t hate my abilities or anything, but… they aren’t fit for royalty at all. My father always tells me that I am weak and uninspiring. If I had your abilities, however… If I could do what you can do, then he and everyone else would have no chance but to accept me.”

  “So you wish to learn magic to earn your family's love?” He asked me in a gentle tone.

  Something about that didn’t sit right with me. Why did I wish for the love of people who had always mistreated me? Who were like strangers to me and never accepted me for who I am? But nevertheless I hesitantly spoke what I felt.

  “Yes.”

  Renius took a deep breath before speaking once more.

  “In that case, I am sorry, but my answer will be no, I won’t teach you.”

  My heart skipped a beat. All the nervousness I felt waiting for his answer instantly turned into disappointment, sadness even. What? Why?

  “Please I beg you, teach me magic.” I couldn’t accept his answer.

  “If your wish is to learn magic to impress your father, to follow in his footsteps, then my answer remains the same, I won’t teach you magic to that end. However, I like you, Alexander, so I have a proposal for you.”

  Once again, as quickly as my nervousness turned into sadness, did my sadness turn into hope. A proposal? Whatever it was, I was willing to accept, if it meant I could master multiple abilities like he had.

  “So you will teach me after all?” I asked carefully.“That depends on you. I was planning to stay around the city for a bit, so I am willing to give you a second chance. I will come back to the castle a week from now and at that time I will ask you again. Depending on your answer at the time I will decide.”

  “What does that mean? Why was my answer not enough for you? I was honest! Isn’t that enough?”

  “Honesty isn’t the issue, I am not asking you to lie to me, but I also won’t tell you exactly what I want to hear. That would defeat the point. You need to think for yourself.” Renius spoke.

  This old man frustrated me to no end, couldn’t he give a single straight answer to anything?

  While I was ruminating on this not-so-straightforward interaction with the old Sage Renius, he spoke up once again.

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  “So, now that that is out of the way, about that food place, do you have any recommendations?” He asked sheepishly.

  THE NERVE ON THIS OLD MAN

  Nevertheless, I, grumbling the entire time, gave him directions to a stall selling meat skewers in the shopping district I frequently bought from when I snuck out. After which he left the castle, bringing us back to the present day.

  ………

  ……

  …

  So now here I sat. Contemplating on why my answer didn’t suffice. Wasn’t he advisor to the royal family? Why would he be against the idea of me fulfilling my royal duties better and to that end, learning magic? I didn’t understand, and the constant talking from my teacher served as a great interruption to my train of thought, ensuring I didn’t come any closer.

  As intensely as I wished to learn magic, I wasn’t panicking just yet. I still had 5 days left to think about it after all.

  Why is my motivation not enough? The class ended with that question replaying in my head, no closer to an answer than before.

  ______________________________________________________________________________________

  I was going about my usual day in the castle, still no closer to an answer. I had just spent the last few hours swinging my sword. If I was a little more focused I would have probably noticed how frustrated Lubeck was with me for being distracted, but if I was a little more concentrated still, he would not have had reason to be frustrated. At least not beyond the normal amount.

  But alas, I was deep in thought. I was walking the halls of the castle when I suddenly bumped into someone. I fell on my butt, the person I ran into however only stopped in their tracks. “I’m sorry, I was not paying attention.” I looked up, apologizing, expecting a frown.

  However, what looked down at me was a smile. More specifically the kind smile of my older brother George.

  “Hey Alex, deep in thought? It’s unusual for you to be so unaware of your surroundings.” He offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet with ease.

  “Oh it’s you, George. I was just thinking about something. A question I was asked.” Even standing I had to look up at him, but I answered, maintaining eye contact. My brother, who I looked like a lot, was one of the few people in the castle with whom maintaining eye contact wasn’t uncomfortable.

  “Oh? Something that got you stumped so much you are wandering around the castle absentmindedly thinking about it? Then I assume it wasn’t in your lessons, was it?” He knew me well. Better than anyone else in my family. And unlike Grace there was no distance between us thanks to difference in station. By comparison I felt like I didn’t know him all that well. I couldn’t read his emotions and neither did I understand why he was nice to me, when everyone else ostracized me.

  “You’re right, it’s not about my studies. It’s about something else.” I looked down. I wasn’t sure if I should be telling him about this.

  “If you’re struggling with something, you can always consult me. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine as well.”

  “Well, you know how two days ago that advisor came by? I heard he was in a meeting with the family.”

  “I do, the old man Renius came by. Are you troubled because father didn’t invite you to the meeting?” He didn’t ask me how I heard of this. Maybe he just assumed that I was told? Or he didn’t mind me knowing.

  “No, it’s not about that. I am used to being excluded.” I wasn’t sure how to go about telling him this. How much did he know about Renius, about this ‘magic’ stuff? Renius didn’t act like it was a secret, but I had never heard of it before at least.

  “Well, why don’t you tell me over some tea? Conversations like these are better had sitting down.” He suggested with a soft tone.

  I agreed. The time we moved and waited for tea would give me room to think about how to approach this. We moved outside to a garden with a tea table set up. George called for a maid to prepare us some tea and then sat down. I took the seat opposite of it, but didn’t resume the conversation.

  George also kept quiet, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. I couldn’t really read his emotions, but I got the impression he was telling me to take my time. So I thought about what to say, while looking at the carefully curated flower garden.

  In time, the tea arrived and yet still my brother didn’t press me on the issue. Instead he dismissed the maid and asked about miscellaneous things, like how my training was going or talked about his own life, in between sips of herbal tea.

  Finally, I had decided to just come out and say it, without hiding anything.

  “Brother, do you know of ‘magic’?”

  “It’s what the old man calls his abilities. He had given us a very rough outline, but I don’t know much in detail. Why are you asking?”

  “Well the advisor, Renius, demonstrated his abilities to me when I asked and cryptic as it was, he explained the basic idea of what he calls magic. It was stunning. I was totally captured by the spectacle, so I asked if he could teach me.”

  “Ah well, in that case I think I can guess what got you so down. Apparently he has long since refused to teach us anything further than giving a basic explanation. Don’t feel bad about it, it’s nothing to do with you specifically. I had thought—hoped—he would have made an exception for you.” My brother spoke reassuring words, albeit misplaced ones as he hadn’t actually guessed right. Or at least not entirely right.

  “It’s not that. Well it is, but that’s not all. He did ultimately refuse to teach me, but he asked me a question before deciding. And apparently my answer wasn’t the right one.”

  My brother's face lit up in a rapid succession of expressions. From shock, to joy, back to confusion, all in the span of 2 seconds.

  “He never asked us any questions. I knew he would see something in you. He has a much keener eye than father after all.”

  See something in me? Keener eye? What is he talking about?

  My questions must have shown on my face as my brother waved his hand as if to wave away what he just said. “Forget it, I was just talking to myself. So, what did he ask you and what did you answer that wasn’t to his satisfaction?”

  I wasn’t entirely moved beyond what he just let slip. What exactly would he “see” in me? It wasn’t like I had any special talents, but he clearly didn’t intend to elaborate on it and I had my own questions at the moment.

  “He just asked me why. Why I want to learn his magic.” I said plainly, as plain as the question was.

  “Sounds like him, to be plain and simple like that. He was never one for complicating things needlessly. So? What did you answer?” My brother got visibly excited.

  I, on the other hand, was a bit hesitant to tell him. It was embarrassing if I had to be honest. And while I didn’t think he would go around telling my father, mother or other siblings what I told him in confidentiality, the thought of it still made me worry.

  I felt a slight blush coming on my face as I answered: “It’s honestly a bit embarrassing, so could you promise me not to tell anyone else?”

  “Of course. Whatever it might be, if you want me to, I will take it to the grave.” He answered over-dramatically or perhaps sincerely.

  “Alright. I told him I wanted to learn his magic so that father and the others would accept me. So that I can meet his expectations.” I said with a hesitant voice and downturned gaze.

  George only answered a short “I see” and looked at me sullenly.

  “But apparently that isn’t good enough motivation. What’s so wrong with that? With wanting to be accepted? All my life everyone told me I am not enough, but if I could learn what he can do then at least I would be treated more kindly.”

  Sadness won over embarrassment, even though I thought I had long since accepted my treatment, I guess it still hurt me.

  My brother put his hand on my shoulder softly and I looked up at him, now standing next to me.

  “Alex, I don’t truly know how you feel. After all I don’t have your abilities and neither have I gone through what you are going through, but what I do know is that what you are feeling isn’t wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted and neither is there anything wrong with caring about the people around you like you do. If you ask me, it's our family’s way of thinking that’s weird, twisted, and I think it would be a shame were you to lose your kind nature trying to emulate our father. Don’t destroy what makes you, you. If you only think about trying to please others, in the end no one will be happy. That is what I firmly believe. After all you have such a kind heart, it would be a shame not to follow it.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I never in my life felt like someone accepted me like that. Accepted me, praised me even, for who I am, instead of telling me who I should be. I tried to speak, say something, anything, but I only started to sob. I stood up and hugged my brother, crying into his shirt.

  “I’m sorry *hicc* I’m sorry.” I couldn’t stop crying.

  He just hugged me back and said:” It’s okay. I won’t chide you for showing weakness. After all, if you can’t rely on your family, who are you supposed to rely on in this cruel world.”

  I continued sobbing like that for what felt like an eternity, while George simply patted my head. When I finally stopped crying and removed myself from the hug.

  “I am sorry about your shirt.” It was stained with snot and tears.

  “Haha, it’s no problem at all. It’s just some cloth, not like we are poor. Now about that question he asked you…”

  “It’s fine. I know what I will answer, and if that answer isn’t enough for him then I will just have to accept that I won’t be able to learn magic from him. Maybe I could even try to figure out a way to do it on my own.” I cut him off.

  “Is that so?” He smiled. “I’m glad I could help then. I assume you got training that you are probably late to and I have some nobles to meet, so send that geezer my regards the next time you meet him.”

  “Oh crap. I completely forgot about that. I am sorry for keeping you from your meeting.” I apologized again, even if my brother was okay with it, since the nobles he was to meet would surely take it as a slight against them.

  “As I said, it’s completely fine Alex. Those spoiled dirtbags can deal with having to wait for others once in their life.” He grinned. “Oh but don’t tell them I said that haha.”

  “Don’t worry, if you want me to, I will take it to the grave.” I copied him with a grin on my face.

  “You better or I’ll tell everyone how much of a little crybaby you are.”

  We both laughed at how silly this conversation turned at the end.

  “Lubeck will not be happy with me, even if he won’t say it outright. But before I leave, there is one last thing I want to tell you.”

  “Oh? What's that?”

  “Thank you.” I smiled. A genuine smile. I don’t even remember the last time I did that, but I couldn’t help it, I simply felt so happy. Like a burden had been lifted from my back.

  “You’re welcome. Now get going or Lubeck might actually get mad.” He sent me off with a wave.

  /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

  “So I was right. Alex really does have the potential to learn it after all. I wonder what kind of face father will make when Alex becomes more powerful than he could ever be. I can’t wait to see it. Now let’s go deal with those leeches.” The young man, standing among beautiful flowers, spoke his honest thoughts aloud to no one in particular