“Dear Eriska, I see you survived your... indiscretion with only a bruised ego to show for it. How fortunate for you I stripped my little secret of its former boons; otherwise, I’d be wasting my time addressing this letter to a pile of ash and bones. Do not think I was unaware of your plans to bind Gens Silva’s creation, I let you try this little scheme because I knew what the result would be. Consider your humiliation at the creature’s hands sufficient punishment for your impudence. But do be warned further attempts will end with more than a homunculus’s hands wrapped around your throat.”- letter penned by Voivode Igori Gens Suillia
After the caravan stopped for the night, Cole, Grettir, and Alia worked together to check the surrounding area for any sign of enemy ambush. The trio putting their combined skills and healthy paranoia to good work making sure no monster, be it native or invasive took advantage of the convoy’s exhausted state. With that done, Cole next conferred with some of the dwarves, trying to get a better idea of what was happening at Azyge. If they were going to be jumping into that mess then he wanted to know what exactly to expect.
The image the dwarves painted wasn’t a pleasant one, waves of refugees, followed by waves of infected followed by waves of undead, all crashing against the town's gates; each offering a new set of challenges for the besieged dwarven settlement. While originally a simple trading post meant to take advantage of proximity to Harmas and an entrance to the Deeps, Azyge had grown into a sizable town, with an entire human quarter ringing the dwarven section’s walls. This secondary settlement was the source of many of Azyge’s current woes as it had lacked sufficient defenses and infrastructure even before becoming overcrowded with all those fleeing the chaos surrounding Harmas.
Thousands of desperate humans were seeking entrance into the sturdier dwarven section of the town, attempting any and every way they could to put solid dwarven stone between them and what hungered beyond their own ill-kept walls. Concerns born out of both logic and prejudice had kept inner Azyge’s gates closed with the dwarves offering what they could but unwilling to risk what they couldn’t. It was an age-old story and conundrum, do you endanger your children to protect a stranger? There really wasn’t any good answer to that question, but the dwarves were trying their best, seeking aid from their cousins across the mountains. Yet by good fortune or more likely godly intervention, the dwarves dispatched to Turul’s Tomb found Cole’s group and through them perhaps a proper solution for the strife besetting their home.
But before anything could be done to help Azyge, the newly expanded caravan needed to get there; a task hampered by the sheer exhaustion present among the dwarves. They’d been part of the defense of their home for weeks before volunteering for this frantic run to Turul’s Tomb. So even if they wanted to make the entire return journey in one marathon, the demands of flesh could only be ignored for so long. So Cole left the dwarves as they tried to get what rest they could, and returned to his tent finding a rather distraught Natalie waiting for him.
She’d been busy as well and was now sharing the newest mess to fall into her lap. Silently, Cole listened to his lover as she explained all that had happened with her thrall and the group’s resident magi. Kit’s theory about what exactly a ancilla was was interesting, but Natalie seemed to care little for the arcane implications and far more about Yara’s complete dependency upon the sting. By dosing her unwanted thrall with the Alukah’s venom, Natalie saved Yara’s life by utterly enslaving her. A harrowing truth the Paladin was trying to process himself while also keeping his lover from stewing in her own angst. Perhaps a change of subject would do her well?
“So what exactly is Kit teaching her?” asked Cole as he wrapped his arms around the morose vampire currently lying on his chest.
Face partially buried in Cole’s shirt, Natalie let out a long weary sigh. “From what I’ve seen just some mental techniques, stuff focused on physical awareness and internal magic.”
Running a hand through the dark hair cascading off Natalie’s head and onto his torso, Cole prodded. “I’m sensing a but?”
Pressing herself somehow even more into Cole’s body, Natalie hunched her shoulders. “But, Kit thinks for this to really work Yara will need more ‘metaphysical catalyst’ in her system.”
Nodding slowly, Cole winced. “Meaning the sting?”
A low grumble escaped Natalie. “Meaning the sting.”
Peering up at him, red eyes filled with worry, the Alukah said. “I’ve been trying to wean her off the stuff for months now, and it's gone nowhere! I’d thought the big blockage was her own desire to be thrall, and it is, but even if Yara got out of the jagged-up mindset of hers she'd still be my damned slave!”
Gripping Cole tight, Natalie murmured. “I don’t want a thrall, I can’t have a thrall! Nothing good can come from this!”
Gently, the Paladin replied. “I think saving a life is plenty good.”
Hair thrashing as she shook her head, Natalie snapped. “A life of not just an addict but a slave? What sort of existence is being bound to another person like that? It’s not love, it's not commitment, it's the worst kind of shackling and I’m jagging responsible for it!”
A sigh left Cole. “You didn’t know your venom would have this effect. Your options were either to let Yara’s organs shut down one by one or try to help her. It’s better to do your best to save someone than just let a tragedy play out.”
Gripping Cole’s shirt so tight he worried she’d tear it, Natalie spat. “I didn’t save her! Jagged edges, it might have been better for her to enter Master Time’s halls instead of ending up like this.”
Firmly, the Paladin gripped Natalie’s face and brought it level to his own. “No, no it would not be. I seem to remember someone saying something along the lines of. ‘Wouldn’t killing her like sick livestock be the ultimate vindication of what the vampires did to Yara? We’d be stealing her freedom to even live because we thought that was best? Yara is a person, and we should treat her like one.”
Chastened as Cole used her own words against her Natalie rolled off her partner’s chest and curled into herself. “You’re right, I shouldn’t think like that but, Cole, I can’t have a person bound to me like that; it's’ just too… too”
Wrapping arms around his lover, Cole asked. “It’s too what?”
Sighing, Natalie flipped over and met Cole’s gaze, her eyes wells of ancient crimson. “It’s too tempting. I can feel what my blood wants, what it means to be the Seventh Alukah. You saw me when we fought the Reaper. My powers manifested as a literal whip made out of chains! Cole, I’ve gotten better at controlling my hunger, but I think that’s just the surface of my new instincts. There are other desires, cruel, domineering things that I cannot risk getting free. But Yara’s very presence feeds those instincts, and knowing she’s mine permanently… that’s just too much.”
Biting her lip, Natalie let out a distressed groan. “Listen to me! I called her ‘mine.’ I didn’t jagging intended to, that just slipped out!”
Gently rubbing his partner’s back, Cole digested all this, as a cold chill filled him. He’d seen what forms of barbarity lesser vampires could engage in when succumbing to their nature. Cole could scarcely imagine what hungers Annoch the Binder’s blood must be putting in Natalie’s mind. For a while now she’d confessed to him the yearnings for control and dominance that flared in difficult times, but this new revelation about Yara was taxing Natalie’s ability to cope with those darker parts of herself.
Shutting his eyes and holding Natalie tight, Cole wished he could fix all of this. It hurt his heart to see Natalie in such distress. Cole knew she’d been putting on a brave front after the battle to help him and everyone else, but that couldn’t last forever as her current state showed. It was time for Cole to be her support, something he hadn’t been able to do properly while stuck in that accursed cave panicking over Isabelle’s kidnapping. Cole had managed to wrestle his fears into some form of submission, time to help his partner do the same.
Carefully, he asked. “What would be Yara’s fate if it wasn’t for you?”
Natalie just shrugged and clutched at herself. Lips pursed, Cole decided to rip this arrow from the wound as fast as he could. “She’d be dead and most likely in one of the Hells.”
Facing him, brows knit in a deep frown, Natalie started to speak but Cole cut her off. “The officers at Fort Carnum were out of line but they weren’t entirely wrong. Yara helped Dietrich kill a lot of people, even with her mitigating circumstances, those sorts of crimes stain a soul. I doubt she’s protected by the Covenant anymore, and to be completely honest I don’t think Yara would have the spiritual fortitude to face the predations of the Beyond unaided. From what you’ve told me of Yara's inner struggles, I think the Dark would have dragged her down into its gullet; perhaps not completely consuming her but I’d fear for her odds of reincarnation without the Pantheon’s protection.”
Sucking in a breath, the Alukah pulled herself upright and snarled. “Of jagging course! The Pantheon never protected her before so why should they start once she dies?!”
Facing Natalie, Cole said simply. “I think the Pantheon has protected her.”
Eyes flaring with anger, Natalie snapped. “How? Her life has been one long list of cruelties and you think her afterlife wouldn’t be any different! So how in the World’s name have the Gods’ helped Yara at all?”
Gently, Cole replied. “They sent you.”
Fangs bared, the Alukah snapped. “Have you been listening to me? I’m part of the problem, she’s been jagging mutated by my sting! Now she’ll never be free!”
Cole asked. “Is there any reasonable turn of events where she would have been?”
Seeing Natalie’s frown, Cole said. “Think about it. If it weren’t for our intervention she’d have at best, lived short hard years in service to Dietrich; while at worse, dying in Petar’s coup. Natalie, Yara’s future was never going to be good, that had been decided by others long before we knew her. Love, you can’t undo that, but what you can do, and what you have done, is give her time. Time to grow beyond the shape they broke her into, and maybe time to earn forgiveness for the crimes she’d been forced to commit.”
That started to sink into Natalie, her frown deepening as new understanding grew. Glad he was getting through to her, Cole continued. “It’s impossible to fix everything, but with time and support it’s possible to fix the right thing.”
Natalie slowly asked. “What is the right thing?”
Cole shrugged. “I don’t know, that’s for Yara to figure out.”
Letting out a tired breath, Natalie nodded to herself. “Okay, but what about me? Even if Yara can find some form of happiness while still a thrall, that doesn’t change what I am. I’ve got these whispers in the back of my head, pushing me to do terrible things.”
Carefully choosing his words, Cole answered. “Natalie, I don’t think those whispers are going away. Yara might be aggravating them but… they’re part of your curse. Love, this is probably one of those things that need to be managed not eliminated.”
In a very small voice, Natalie replied. “I thought so, but I hoped I was wrong.”
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For a moment, Cole just held her, letting his warmth flow into her cool flesh. Eventually, Natalie broke the somber silence. “Something Isabelle taught me to do was point my instincts in a beneficial direction. That if I met them halfway I could get better control over my desires. How the fuck can I do that with this? There isn’t a way to compromise on enslaving people?!!”
Cole considered this. “Isn’t that exactly what you’ve been doing with Yara so far? She wants to be your thrall, you want her to be a functioning person; your relationship so far seems a rather good compromise between those goals.”
Gnawing on her cheek, Natalie said. “For now. You’re right these desires aren’t going away, so what happens in a few years, or even decades? I’m Yara’s drug of choice but what if her subservience becomes mine?”
Reaching to the hourglass amulet he wore, Cole said. “You fear the future, that makes sense, but you’re forgetting there's an easy way to predict it.”
Natalie raised an eyebrow. “Which is?”
“Looking at the past,” said Cole. “Think about the progress Yara has made in the months since she stumbled out of that frozen wood like a half-dead doe. Could you imagine the women we found after Jaks’ funeral approaching Kit for magical advice? Or having the audacity to seek your aid and blessing in augmenting her abilities? Then that’s just Yara; consider yourself, Natalie, despite everything that’s happened you’ve gotten better and better at managing your curse while using the powers that come with it to do good. Less than a week ago you literally faced a fragment of the Reaper of Sorrows, a Fell God trying to eat your mind, and won. I’m not seeing signs of your inevitable corruption in any of that, so why should you?”
Natalie was silent for a moment before starting to say. “But I can always fall. The temptation is there, and if it gets worse I might not be able to stop myself.”
Tapping his amulet, Cole said. “Then I’ll stop you; isn’t that what you made me promise?”
New fear entered the Alukah’s eyes. “Could you, Cole? I mean, if I decided to enthrall you, would you be able to prevent me?”
Without hesitation, Cole replied. “Yes. I’ve been dealing with vampires my entire life, subverting me like that wouldn’t be easy.”
Shaking her head, Natalie clarified. “What if I ambushed or tricked you? I could reach into your mind and rip out the part that would even want to stop me! I’m strong enough that’s possible now, there’s no way to-”
Cole cut her off with a kiss and a gentle touch to the cheek. “It wouldn’t work.”
Blinking in surprise, Natalie asked. “What?”
The Homunculus elaborated. “In the Voivode’s larder, he and his court tried every method they could to kill me. That included destroying or distorting my mind.”
Fighting back ugly memories, but determined to help his lover, Cole continued. “First they just ordered me to kill myself, but when I still came back afterward they started to get creative—trying things like shutting down the part of my brain in charge of breathing, or giving me the compulsion to eat sharp objects. I was dosed with the sting constantly and even fully enthralled at one point… but it didn’t stick.”
Natalie clutched at her mouth eyes wide in horror at Cole’s words. “When you first pulled me into your mindscape, you saw what happens to me when my psyche is damaged. I…I don’t break like a normal person and I don’t stay broken for long.”
Leaning forward so his brow met hers, Cole proffered his amulet. “Master Time charged me with protecting you; a duty I am honored and happy to fulfill. But the Tenth God’s actions always have layers. I’m here to protect you not just from any who covet your power but also from the curse that power comes from. Don’t forget that my love, and don’t despair.”
A long shuddering breath escaped Natalie and she collapsed into Cole, wrapping weary arms around him. Careful not to let his amulet actually touch her, Cole returned the hug and could almost feel the worry drain away from his lover.
Half buried in Cole’s shirt, Natalie muttered. “Thank you, for everything. I’m sorry for falling apart like- AH!”
Cole had leaned down and gently bit one of Natalie’s ears. Flustered, she asked. “What was that about?”
Smiling softly, Cole replied. “You bite me when I apologize for things I shouldn’t. I’m just returning the favor.”
An undignified snort escaped the young Alukah as she let herself flop onto the bedroll. “So putting aside my concerns, do you think Kit should tutor Yara?”
Lying down a well, Cole frowned. “Yes. Things are going to only get more difficult from here on, we’ll need every advantage we can get and the savant magic Yara used is too useful to ignore. Besides, if she’s going to be accompanying you, Yara needs ways to protect herself.”
Nodding, Natalie replied. “That makes sense. Jagged edges, I hadn’t even considered how much danger she’d be in when we entered the plagued lands, not to even mention Harmas.” Pausing, the Alukah frowned before adding. “How are we going to even get into the city?”
Cole grimaced. “Through however the quarantine was broken I’d expect. But that brings me to something else I’ve wanted to discuss. According to our new traveling companions, the ghoul swarm out of Harmas is a full corpse-tide which implies a number of things, none of them good.”
“Like what?” asked Natalie, as she stared up at the tent ceiling.
Stroking her hair, Cole said. “You remember Lungu? How the village felt ‘wrong’ and things weren’t growing properly?”
An exaggerated shiver went through Natalie’s body. “I could never forget. Back then you said that was a side-effect of the Walking Charnel, is something similar happening in Harmas?”
Nodding, Cole explained. “Yes, but on a much, much greater scale. The Aether reacts to mortal minds and if those minds are attuned to a similar concept or emotion it can make the Aether resonate, empowering certain magics while having a tangible effect on reality. Taking advantage of this is actually how priests hallow a temple or similar but that’s beside the point. Harmas died an ugly death, its citizens trapped inside its walls and consumed first by the plague and then each other. The Aether will be utterly polluted into a miasma of decay. Any undead exposed to this resonance will grow stronger and rarer breeds of them will be created in concerning numbers.”
Natalie grimaced. “So not only is the city and lands around it going to be infested with thousands of ghouls, there will also be all sorts of nightmares to put Petar the Feeder’s collection to shame?”
Seeing Cole’s grim expression, Natalie sucked in a breath “What about me? Will this ‘miasma’ strengthen my powers?”
Cole shrugged. “I don’t think directly. But it will make any of your necromantic skills more efficient. I expect the Lupus pack to be much easier to summon and maintain while in Harmas.”
As the words left his mouth, Cole was struck by a thought. Normally the magic that animated and empowered a vampire didn’t resonate with the type of festering miasma born from mass death. More specific and sinister mutilations of the Aether were required to strengthen a vampire, rites of blood and sin typically. But the truths Cole first learned at Isabelle’s side and then grown through years of hunting her kind didn’t always apply to the Alukah. According to the Book of Miracles, Natalie’s predecessor and his siblings were known to devour entire cities; there was no telling what might happen if she stepped into an already consumed one like Harmas.
Like dominos clacking together, this new concern pressed on another and then another. While Cole had put on a brave face and spoke honestly to Natalie about her fears, he wasn’t completely certain of his own abilities. It was true he could recover from any mental or physical damage, but that didn’t change the fact his regeneration took time and was annoyingly unpredictable. Cole couldn’t afford to waste time being dead if Natalie was in danger, be it from whatever dwelled in Harmas or the curse within her. Besides, the recent battle showed that being immortal wasn’t enough in the face of this greater echelon of monsters. Ever since meeting Natalie, Cole had been steadily growing in strength, mastering the gifts of Master Time, but it hadn’t been enough.
For years Cole had fled from his own power, afraid of both his homunculi nature and the awesome weight of the paladin mantle. He’d seen how easily puissance married to perpetuity could corrupt a soul. That if Cole were to advance beyomd being a simple Rest-Bringer, he’d become detached from those around him, inevitably sliding into the alienation so common in the undead he fought. In retrospect, it was a stupid fear, an irrational reaction to an existence spent witnessing the worst of those who claimed unlife was life eternal.
Besides, the path Cole tread before meeting Natalie was as detached and isolated as one could get without being a hermit. In fact, those very years of isolation practically proved this fear was unfounded. If Cole could stay true to himself while being a lonely vagabond barely touching the lives of others, then surely mere strength wouldn’t be enough to separate him from those around him.
Cole had made excuse after excuse as to why he’d not pursued power, and right now with Isabelle missing and danger looming on the horizon, he hated himself for each and every one. In refusing to claim strength he’d instead been shouldered with weakness. That would stop right now. There was no time to humor his foibles, Cole needed the power to protect everyone he loved; so now he just had to figure out how to get it.
Looking at Natalie, Cole set his jaw as he tried to pull words free. “I’ve been thinking a lot about our last battle; how so many things went wrong, and what might have been done differently. If I was able to properly win against poor Marcus and the two strigoi then events would have played out considerably better. You wouldn’t have been stuck facing Wolfgang alone, and with him dealt with the pair of us could protect everyone else, including Isabelle. So in retrospect, my failure to achieve a quick victory was just as damaging as Mina’s subversion.”
Natalie’s brow knit and she said. “You are being too hard on yourself. Cole, you faced down three obscenely dangerous monsters and kept them from doing more harm.”
A sad snort escaped the Paladin. “Tell that to Kit and Isabelle. If we didn’t have a literal guardian angel with us he’d have lost both arms and Isabelle… well if I think about what she might be facing my mind spirals into dark places.”
As the Alukah started to object Cole held up a hand. “This isn’t me wallowing in guilt, I’m trying to be objective and understand the path forward.”
“Which is…?” asked Natalie.
“I need to follow Yara’s example,” answered Cole. “The odds are we’ll be soon facing enemies even more dangerous than Wolfgang’s coterie; so if I’m to do my duty I need to better myself. In fact, I think it would be wise for all of us to seek ways to strengthen ourselves.”
Holding up a hand and looking at her pale skin, Natalie said. “I agree, but I’m a little bit limited in how much I can develop my powers. The battle with Wolfgang used up almost all my cistern, and it’ll take weeks of feeding off you and Yara to be really combat-ready again. So unless we find a herd of deer or a dire beast who's managed to survive the corpse-tide I need to be miserly with my abilities.”
Cole turned his head from Natalie his voice growing taut. “I know that, which is… which is why I’ve been considering our options. For me, I think my biggest priority is getting a better understanding of how my immortality works. Which without Isabelle, will require a lot of effort, and experimentation with your help.”
Natalie’s frown turned to wide-eyed shock. “You can’t mean…?”
Finally looking at her, Cole grimaced. “If I’m going to be dying a lot it would be wise to put my blood to good use.”
Expression hardening, Natalie hissed. “No, that’s not an option, find some other crazy plan. Jag! I’ll see if being an Alukah lets me get any power from ghoul blood before I hurt you like that again!”
Cole looked away from the irate vampire. “I don’t like it either, but you need blood and I need to die. Better to hit two birds with one stone, especially at a time like this.”
Natalie jabbed a finger into Cole’s chest. “No! I’m not doing that ever again, and don’t you dare ever ask it of me.”
Seeing the hot iron behind her eyes, Cole slowly nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Sighing, Natalie rolled over, facing away from him. “Stuff is bad, and you’re desperate, I get that. But… please, you promised to protect me from my curse, not feed it.”
A flash of feverish shame went through Cole. Covering his eyes, he stared into darkness and let out a weary sigh. Natalie was right, he’d been monumentally out of line to suggest that. The very thought of having her devour him would have been abhorrent just days ago; but under the current circumstances, Cole was thinking about the unthinkable. Morosely, the Paladin realized he’d started to monumentally overcorrect from his long-term aversion. Perhaps he’d had the right of it to begin with and all pursuing power would do is make him lose sight of those around him.
Suddenly, Natalie spun about, red eyes intent as she touched Cole’s chest with new intensity. “I have an idea!”
A little stunned, Cole replied. “Forget about it, I’ll see if Deborah can tutor me on using my paladin abilities.”
Shaking her head, Natalie said. “You’re right, you need to learn more about your nature, but dying over and over isn’t the way!”
Natalie sat up and rapidly drummed her fingers on the ground in a strangely familiar rhythm. “When we were at Turul’s Tomb you had your nightmare, the one with the ash wastes and falling corpses. I don’t know how you’re doing it but it seems likely those nightmares are you visiting your mindscape while unconscious.”
Cole’s jaw fell open, in all the madness that was the past few days he’d forgotten about his dream and the promise he made related to it. He’d intended to confront Isabelle about his creation, but didn’t get the chance, and now might never get that chance. Shaking that awful thought off him, Cole asked. “You think you could enter my mindscape?”
A small smile found itself on Natalie’s lips. “Yes! I bet I’ll even be able to help you access it as well!”
Thinking about his strange dreams and all their unsettling implications, Cole wanted to refuse. The ruin-studded hellscape of his internal world shamed him, it spoke to his true nature as both something unnatural and utterly damaged. Sharing his nightmares and the implications of them with Natalie had been bad enough, actually inviting her into his mindscape was too much.
No. Cole couldn’t run anymore, he’d planned to get the truth from Isabelle, and even if he couldn’t do that, Natalie’s idea was the next best option. Looking into the red eyes of his partner, the Paladin slowly nodded and then bit down a nervous laugh “Well isn’t part of being in love baring one’s soul?’
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