more customers for tea room

  not girl

  different humans

  two of them

  got them both while they were pointing bulletguns at me and being really aggressive actually

  all yelling and looking at me

  this after they spotted me

  and chased me

  into an alley

  well more like the space between two houses

  it had grass and stuff

  and also

  teleport anchors

  had time to place them in this situation

  nice neat square portal

  probably a bit too big actually

  there's some stuff with portal entrance/exit interaction where if the entrance is too much bigger than the exit then there's some

  well

  i guess let's call it stretching

  not great for the old internal organs let me tell you

  but oh well

  better than lasering a couple of dudes into just smoking boots

  which is probably what would literally happen?

  man

  i turned into a toon so gradually i didn't even notice

  anyway

  they messed up my tea room

  should have maybe taken their guns

  although

  how could i do that

  they were twice as big as me

  i mean each one of them was twice as big as me

  together they were quadruple my size

  yes yes i know i have a robot arm. yes it has insane grip strength. that is not the issue. size is like. touchiness. awkward. explainhard.

  touching a person even with a robot arm

  nope okay nope

  Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

  stopping that line of thought

  moving on

  where was i anyway

  oh right

  trashed tea room

  humans are so ungrateful

  you'd think in this ant apocalypse people would maybe appreciate a lovely tea room. just a nice quiet place to have a hot drink and a biscuit and relax for a few minutes before resuming necessary survival actions.

  but no

  apparently not

  apparently people just want to break stuff and make a huge mess and shoot a teapot with a teleportal inside it hooked to a hot tea dimension

  and get blasted by a stream of hot tea

  that was pretty funny actually

  although now i have a little dimensional tear in my tea room

  really should figure out how to close those things

  i mean in this case i just put a fancy box around it and labelled it auto tea dispenser and hid another portal in the catch tray underneath to feed back into tea dimension

  but in other cases it might be useful to know how to actually get rid of these things

  anyway

  eventually they got bored of destroying my stuff

  and they pressed the do not press button

  and they went out and got instantly eaten by ants

  not really

  well i mean maybe that's what happened

  but probably not

  i waited a while then went and tidied up the mess they made

  i am a builder not a

  whatever those guys are

  got my drone buddies to help me. robots are so reliable. a robot would never wreck a tea room. not unless you specifically told it to. or forgot to specifically tell it not to. anyway it wasn't such a chore. kind of nice to take a break from stuff and just fix things. spent ages making the fancy box for the tea dispenser. designed a proper one with the mareo. that was pretty fun.

  oh yeah

  one thing

  think i might have found the suburbland hive

  or should i say

  dunno

  there is some weird stuff going on over there

  suburban ants have learnt subtlety or something

  subtleurban ants

  suburbtleants

  nope thought that would work but it doesn't

  anyway no great big gaping hole with like ants swarming everywhere. like the mall hive. or the waterfactory biz with holes eaten out of the thing and. again. ants swarming everywhere.

  no no

  this is

  different

  want to know the creepiest thing a giant ant can do?

  carefully open a door with its mandibles

  go inside a house

  then close the door behind itself

  yick

  i mean what is the deal with these insects and their smarts? speaking as someone who has spent time mucking around with giant ant brains i feel like i can safely say. these things shouldn't be clever. the goo inside their heads is not exactly tier 1 thinking gear.

  but they do have all those weird sensory organs and crystal junk

  there is the possibility that thinking of these giant ants as insects is completely the wrong way to look at it

  maybe i should be thinking of them as

  robots

  welp lots there to noodle over. the main thing i learned on my little outing is that in a suburban house vs laser shotgun deathmatch battle you should probably not place any money on the house. yes this may be the only situation where the house always loses. heyoo just a little casino joke for you there. i am on fire tonight. when i'm lugging around my laser shotgun stuff tends to just burst into flames around me. weird.

  anyway not sure what to do about this suburbland ant situation. all these minihives where

  oh

  didn't actually talk about the anthouses

  yeah

  those things are

  gross

  as

  heck

  so okay. picture with me here an ordinary human house. from the outside it looks perfectly whatever. inside it is crammed full of giant ants. there are gaps between the ants. like tunnels. which other ants can crawl through. and then slot into gaps for themselves. i sent eyespider in to check stuff out. ants ignored it as usual. let me get a really good look around.

  so yeah

  that's antburg

  not sure exactly how many houses are infested. it's not like they take over a whole neighbourhood or whatever. it'll just be like. one or two houses. on a street. are home to nightmares. and the rest are just empty i guess.

  didn't see any humans

  aside from those two jerks

  not sure what they were doing there actually

  but

  well

  hmm

  nope i'm bored of thinking about this mystery. the problem is that i don't care. so. hard to go anywhere from that point.

  anyway i think right now i want to go do a vaporise/burn/explode combo on some more anthouses with my magical laser shotgun

  actually turned down the power a bit. got this variable thing now. uses jump up to 1471 at regular strength.

  yay yay

  i know my plan was to let ants come and siege and make biscuit fort unattractive to humans

  but

  laser shotgun too op

  anthouses too gross to exist

  i feel a responsibility

  to use a fun weapon

  to destroy these things that creep me the flip out

  so

  that is what i am going to do