Chapter 4: The Great War of Won Bin and Jing Er Sha

  I never thought Qin Shi Huang was fat.

  Never thought Qin Shi Huang was a smiling chubby guy.

  This smiling, chubby Qin Shi Huang looks like he's only around 45 years old, wearing a long shirt embroidered with knife coins, his hair is much brighter than Jing Ke's, you can tell he washes it often. He nods and smiles at me with his hands in his sleeves. It seems we share the same awkwardness: not knowing how to address each other.

  Liu Laosixi patted Qin Shihuang's shoulder and said, "From now on, you can call him Qiangzi or brother, both are fine." Then he called out to me, "Call Yingge."

  "Strong child..."

  "Win Brother..."

  "After I'm hungry (I) will set fire to your mouth." I hastily replied: "Good say, good say."

  Good grief, and winning politics calling each other brothers, I feel like my face is expanding infinitely in a limited space like a child's bed after peeing.

  Later I found out that my brother-in-law was not always so low-key, because Liu Lao Liu told him I was a god and he became like this. My brother-in-law is actually a fatalist, first he deceived himself into refining the elixir of immortality, but it's said that when he almost succeeded in refining the elixir, the person who refined the elixir died. Then my brother-in-law immediately started building terracotta warriors and horses, hoping to have little brothers to support him in another world. Now in his eyes, I am the ruler of another world, so he is very polite to me.

  Liu Lao Liu put down Qin Shi Huang, this time he hit a motorcycle and left. I always thought that people who can sit on motorcycles should have a kind heart of the masses, but now I know I was wrong, I hate him very much.

  Qin Shi Huang was different from Jing Ke, he put down the emperor's airs and came to enjoy life. He soon became interested in my laptop, after thinking I was a good person, he started playing with the external mouse without permission. He played while exclaiming "wow" and looked around the screen randomly. Later, I found out that he thought the mouse followed his hand because it had a thin thread pulling it. After playing with the mouse for a while, he made his first request: he wanted to take a dump.

  Yesterday, I taught Jing Ke to use the toilet for urination and accumulated some experience. I know that as long as you tell them to put all the dirty things in, it's okay. I placed Ying Baozi in front of the toilet, put down the cushion, let him sit firmly on it, and after a loud noise, the entire bathroom was filled with a thousand-year-old stinky ammonia. Ying Baozi also apologized and waved his hand at me repeatedly.

  I'm not afraid of the smell, what I'm most afraid of is that he'll wake up Jing Ke. Jing Er is in the bedroom opposite the toilet. People who have dealt with idiots may have this experience: once they recognize something as a fact, they will be particularly stubborn. Yesterday, I had already put away Jing Ke's clothes, but when I tried to take away his weapons, I was met with refusal.

  This makes me think of many things, first I must not let them meet, second it seems that I have to prepare several sets of clothes, third I have to prepare a "presidential suite" for Qin Shi Huang, and now the only empty house left is just next to Jing Ke's warehouse.

  All of a sudden, there was a loud crash, and Qin Shi Huang rushed out with his pants down, running wildly downstairs. At the same time, Jing Ke rubbed his eyes and came out of the room, with his fly open, walking into the bathroom with a dazed expression, holding his waist to urinate. He sniffled, still looking at me with dissatisfaction.

  I didn't have time to bother with him, and hurriedly ran downstairs to see what was wrong with Qin Shi Huang. I saw him holding his chin and staring blankly at the ceiling. He told me: "As you said, if you press that thing down, all the water will flow away, it scared me half to death, thinking my mouth had been submerged." After he finished speaking, he ran back upstairs, rushed into the bathroom, and stared at the swirling yellow stuff in the toilet bowl, looking puzzled. Jing Ke probably went back to his room.

  I'm going crazy, I never thought such a cliché plot would happen to me. So I loudly shouted: "Jing Ge, Ying Ge, you both come over here!"

  Jing Ke and Qin Shi Huang simultaneously poked their heads out of the room and toilet to say: "What's wrong?" Then, almost at the same time, they discovered each other, and with a simultaneous "ah", they slammed the doors shut. Just as I was confused about what was happening, Jing Ke had already charged out again with a knife in hand, apparently having gone to fetch it.

  Qin Shi Huang was not stupid, he knew that now was not the time to be in his grand hall, and with Zhao Gao's help, besides, he didn't bring his sword. At this moment, it can be seen that the emperor's wisdom is in grasping the door handle and locking the door, while Jing Ke only knows how to wield a dagger, slashing horizontally and vertically, and soon made a triangular hole in my toilet door. He could clearly see Qin Shi Huang through this hole, he put one eye up to it and shouted loudly: "Come out!"

  I said, Jing Ke had a very serious exotropia, one eye was looking inward, and the other eye seemed to be peeping at my movements. It wasn't until then that I thought of doing something. I pulled out a brick from under the sofa in the living room (why would there be a brick under the sofa in my living room?) and held it in my hand, shouting: "Jing Ke, if you don't throw away that broken knife, I'll use this brick to smash your face!"

  Jing Ke saw that I was holding a square, flat, and very clean object with a bright red glow, and thought it was some kind of treasure from the immortal realm. He said in a stifled tone: "Don't mind my business..." Just then, Qin Shi Huang had found a container of talcum powder in the toilet, and threw it out through the hole. Jing Ke let out a strange cry, threw away his dagger, and covered his eyes to rub them.

  I was so angry, I quickly went to put the dagger away first. Qin Shi Huang was still throwing handfuls of talcum powder everywhere. I opened the door, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out, throwing him onto the sofa. Then I took Jing Ke to the poolside to wash his eyes clean. When I led him back by the hand, I felt like a kindergarten teacher. I put Jing Ke on the opposite sofa, placed mineral water and an ashtray between them, and said with a heavy heart: "What's there to say that can't be said nicely? Must you fight and kill each other? It's not like it's from a past life..." As soon as I said this, I suddenly remembered that they actually did have a grudge from a past life. I quickly changed my words: "Actually, the two of you don't have any grudges between you, right?"

  Qin Shi Huang nodded desperately first, Jing Ke hummed and said: "Then he finally killed me." Qin Shi Huang said unwillingly to show weakness: "Who moved his hand first?"

  I slammed the brick on the table and shouted, "What's all the commotion about? Don't you know where this is?" The two of them shrank their heads and fell silent. I lit a cigarette, then smiled and said, "No matter who was wronged by whom, that's all in the past now. What kind of place is this? Hmm? This is a place for you to enjoy yourselves, and it's only for one year. You should cherish it." Qin Shi Huang lowered his head, while Jing Ke looked at me with red eyes.

  "Come on, shake hands, from now on we're all good friends - listen to me."

  This time it was Wín Pàngzi who extended his hand first, apparently the emperor really did have a generous spirit. Jing Ke reluctantly shook hands with him.

  This couple of troublemakers has finally been temporarily settled by me, and I've dug out a set of clothes for Qin Shi Huang to change into. After all, he's someone who's seen the world, so as soon as he puts on the clothes, he knows the quality is better than his own. When Jing Ke tells him that underwear should be worn inside, Ying Ge readily agrees and takes the opportunity to show his friendliness towards Jing Ke.

  Then the three of us (aren't we awkward?) swept the warehouse, and I moved a simple spring bed inside, temporarily serving as Qin Shi Huang's presidential suite. Qin Shi Huang's curiosity was many times stronger than Jing Ke's, he asked this and that, and after a while, Jing Ke answered for me: "This is the immortal realm, even if I told you, you wouldn't understand."

  Attitude determines everything, and soon Winnie was hooked on TV. He was originally watching the commentary of Han Fei's "Lecture Room", I quickly switched to another channel for him to watch "Meteor Garden".

  The upstairs finally calmed down, I played with the dagger that had been confiscated from Jing Ke, and when I went downstairs, I found that my deputy manager, Old Pan, was already waiting for me.