Currently, I was watching the starry sky. I was sitting down a bit distant from the men. They were a bit too noisy for me, with them practicing their new magic stuff. I just wanted some peace and quiet for tonight, for this moment. The sky was clear, and all the stars were so clear to behold, I could even see the galaxy. The night sky was beautiful without the intense light pollution.

  Dark is the night…

  The universe. Such a great expanse, with infinite distance, with infinite possibilities. A million things happening all at the same time. Fate. Was even the universe under the mercy of fate? How could fate decide all things happening in the universe with infinite possibilities? Or even just billions of possibilities? There was just no way. It wouldn’t allow it, with all of its glory.

  I am like the universe, one with countless possibilities. Carried by my choices, choices that I myself had made. I will never allow such things as fate to dictate my path.

  At least, that was what I believed… No, what I wanted to believe. I was starting to doubt myself… Things seemed to be going such a strange path. Was I truly under the influence of fate? Were my choices nothing but mere illusions of freewill? Was I once again bound to a boulder in chains? Like I once was…

  No, I mustn’t.

  I had always made myself believe that there was no such thing as fate. I must. Otherwise, I might lose who I am. I am a girl with shining confidence… But things had been challenging… Too challenging… Never could have I imagined that I would go through something like this. And, truth be told, this was harder than in my previous life.

  It was simpler back then. Just follow orders, and then rest. Spend time with the crew when there is nothing else to do. All without all this… turmoil inside me. Displeased or discontented I was sometimes, but it was certainly not as difficult as this.

  Have you ever felt that sometimes you just want to turn back time? I had never felt it more strongly now. But where would I turn it back to? Back to when I was on Earth? To return to my friends, back to the simpler times. Assassinate people like normal, but even that had its own kind of fun. Talk with my friends, forced to play video games, even friends making fun of me sometimes. A time where I wouldn’t get to feel miserable like this.

  Or should it be back to the beginning when I arrived in this world? Where I could be with my family once more… Where my mother was still alive. Where I felt a different kind of happiness, something more pleasant and special. A place that was… genuine. Where I learned to… love… However, it was also where I had no control over things. Where I might still end up where I was now… Maybe I could change a few, but… overall, it would still be a mess. Everyone would still go after me. An endless fight for survival. A path mired with agony…

  Perhaps I was being hyperbolic, but then again, it was still a possibility. The certain, and the uncertain. Which would be a better choice?

  But then again, it was a pointless choice. It was just me thinking about fantasy to escape this reality. Sometimes that was good, but sometimes, that was just cowardice… Was I starting to become a coward…?

  Sometimes I just want all of this to be over.

  I couldn’t wait for this to be all over, so I could come back to being happy again… Even how small of a happiness that may be. Feeling a bit frustrated and depressed, I let out a long, tired sigh. I stood up and did a bit of stretching.

  This was why being alone with my own mind was a bit bad. My thoughts just go to different places, only making me feel worse. But… sometimes I just needed to process things. Think about everything…

  Now that the boys had finally stopped their practice and were just casually sitting down by the campfire, I headed over to them. On the way, I glanced towards Nira, who was sitting down a distance away from the camp, she was completely covered in her clothing.

  It was always like this whenever it was nighttime, she would always keep her distance. She wasn’t too comfortable being near us when she was in her monster form. Especially with me, since I was too tempting for the Cursed Children. Of course, she had some sheets for her to sleep on. But considering their suffering, I doubted she would even sleep. But still, I never saw Nira wanting to sleep. Actually, I never noticed her sleepy during the day.

  Sometimes I felt a bit of pity towards the little girl, being there all alone and in pain. I mean, she was part of the official crew, so I had a tiny bit of care for her. But that was just how it was. I really couldn’t just favor her every night and give her my blood. If I finally grant her her ultimate reward, then that would just reduce the reward’s sweetness when she gets it, wouldn’t it?

  If I were in her position, perhaps I may have already lost my mind.

  But it wasn’t the case for that little girl. She was strong.

  No, maybe I wouldn’t lose my mind. But, we will never know.

  I sat down by the campfire as well, holding out my hand towards the fire. This place was really cold, not freezing, but still incredibly cold.

  “So, how’s your practice going?” I asked.

  “Not there yet,” Velar said. “Learning new spells is a bit hard for me.”

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  “Me too.”

  It would seem casting that enchantment was different from the Armament Magic they were used to. It was like learning something from another category.

  “Maybe you just lack proper faith.” I gave an exaggerated shrug.

  For some reason, they just chuckled. I frowned deeply, they still refused to do that. Fucking hell.

  “Nice try, Estelia.” Taneva casually patted my shoulder, but I drove his hand away, showing blatant annoyance on my face. “Hehehe.”

  “Whatever. Is the meat cooked already?”

  “Yeah.”

  Hartwin grabbed a plate and fork, grabbed the slice of meat from the fire and gave the meal to me. I immediately bit into the food, it was a bit bland, but it was better than having no flavor at all. Lately, I have been feeling more hungry. The more energy I spent, the more energy I had to take to be replenished. Hmm, still not gonna be the gluttonous princess.

  “Anyone wanna talk about something?” Hartwin asked as he grabbed some cooked meat. “Ah yeah, what about you tell us about the princess life, Princess?”

  “Have you never met a princess before me?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Never met the princess from the Holy Kingdom?” Well, Valaies was a kingdom, so it was ultimately ruled by a Holy King, aside from the Cardinals and such. And there was a princess from what I knew.

  “Ah yes, the High Priestess.” Yeah, that too. I heard she had a role herself. What a busy girl. “Well, I saw her from a distance. But not like I could casually go and talk to her.”

  “Hm. I see. Well, she has an official job, I did not. I’m supposed to live a casual, carefree life.”

  “... Oh, so royals are a bit different in Wisteria.”

  “Is their princess having an official title and responsibility mandatory or something?” Because if it was, I truly was incredibly lucky that I didn’t have to do anything.

  “Yes,” Hartwin said with a nod. “As the daughter of the ruler, she must do everything she could for the people and the gods. They have no room to idle.”

  Wow, that sucks.

  “So good people being good people?” I mildly nodded.

  “Well, if you want to meet good, religious people, then the Holy Kingdom is the place.”

  I mean, Wisteria also has a lot of good people and religious people. You’re being a bit biased there, Hartwin.

  “Good people they are, yes,” Taneva suddenly interjected. “But do not disregard their utter faith. One word from their gods, and they will follow it. They are easily swayed. The gods they worship,” Taneva directed his eyes at me. “They’re the ones who killed the Ruling Deity of Blood.”

  “... I see.” I slowly looked away. I was at a loss for words for a moment, processing what I had just heard. “... Then, does that mean they don’t like me either?”

  “Yes. You think the gods would not support your kingdom being destroyed by the Empire?”

  I lowered my head. Our ally… in the end, were people that cannot be trusted.

  “My advice, Estelia, is don’t rely on the Holy Kingdom too much. They hold the most faith in the gods. More than any other country. The gods’ influence is strong there.”

  “I see… Then my home…”

  Was surrounded by roaches.

  How many enemies do I have to consider…? This is too much.

  I clenched my fists. How much did I have to face to be done with all of these? They just never end. The Holy Kingdom was one of our allies, we were expecting that they would give support to us the time we were attacked. But now, I was starting to doubt they would even do that. Even if they do, would they even give it their all? What if one of the gods communicated with them? Then they would be a useless ally. What an unpredictable situation.

  “Yes. Your kingdom shouldn’t have put too much trust in them. You can’t predict what they’ll do. You wouldn’t know when a god communicated with them, and what orders they were given.”

  “What did I do to deserve this…?” I muttered involuntarily in my great frustration.

  Everyone, fucking everyone, wants to go after me.

  I hated it. I hated it so much.

  It’s so tiring.

  “Hey.” Taneva placed a hand on my back gently. “Let’s take one step at a time. No need to think about all the things at once that you have no power over.”

  I looked at him, his eyes looked kinder than usual. “... Yes. You’re right…”

  Indeed, there was no need to agonize about things I could do nothing about at the moment. But perhaps in the future, I could definitely do something about it. In the meantime, I should focus on our current main objective.

  I then turned towards Hartwin. “You know, Hartwin, I wanted to become a bookworm.” I formed a small smile.

  Hartwin raised an eyebrow. “A bookworm?” He seemed caught off guard.

  “Considering that I have nothing to worry much, I wanted to stay in my hole and read books at my leisure.”

  Hartwin snorted with a wide grin. “So basically living lazily?”

  I shrugged. “Why not? I’m the princess. I can supposedly do whatever I want.”

  “And here I thought you were a diligent royal.”

  “Everyone else can do whatever matters. I was not essential to the kingdom’s internal affairs.” I chuckled. “Other times, I wanted to go on an adventure. Still, I never imagined my first time would be in a place like this!” I pointed out at my surroundings. “I was intending on going to a place with beautiful sights.”

  “Huh. You never get out much?”

  “I never went out at all before I ‘died’ on that stairs.”

  “Yeah, you mentioned you died on the stairs. And your parents just let you do nothing, huh?”

  “I would only get in the way. And I was pretty fine with that. It was very peaceful.”

  “I imagine you never had any friends.” He laughed at me.

  I pouted and crossed my arms. “... Not like I ever cared about that.”

  “Oh come on, Princess. Friends are important, you know. No man is an island.”

  But islands can stand strong alone!

  “Mm. Well, if you wanna know, I technically made friends in the kingdom just recently. With some of my fellow noble ladies.”

  “So, was it fun?”

  “... It was… a bit.” I averted my face away.

  “Look at that, are you blushing?! Hahaha!” He pointed at my face, slamming his hand onto his lap in his laughter.

  “I’m n-not!”

  “Oh come on, your blushes are always pretty obvious.”

  I growled. “W-Whatever!”

  “At least you’ve started to grow up before we met. Hahahaha!”

  “E-Enough! I’m done talking about myself.”

  “Aaw, don’t be so embarrassed now.”

  “Not embarrassed…” I glanced at his lute. “Hey, let me borrow that.”

  “Hehe.” He handed me his lute with no hesitation. “You still remember the chords?”

  “Of course.” Since we started going on an adventure, I had been practicing to play the lute during the night. It was interesting learning a new instrument. Never really had a lute back in my old world.

  I played the lute, trying out different chords.

  “You’re a fast learner,” Hartwin commented.

  “Indeed I am.” Considering that I couldn’t practice any new spells, learning a new instrument was a decent substitute. A good distraction, too.

  I played a melody.

  “Oh, what’s that?”

  “Nothing, just a random tune.”

  ~Let’s gather around the campfire, and sing our campfire song!~

  ~Our C-A-M-P—

  Okay, I should stop it at that. Hehehe, I’m sure some of you know of it.

  Anyhow, I played some tunes. The melody echoed gently throughout the night. Playing a new instrument, hearing music, truly was a source of joy in this trying time.

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