Chapter Five: The Saddest Feeling

  Back in his room, Elijah tried to process everything he was going through. Now he, Princess Amanda Gold, had a best friend who he didn’t even know. The Ulfúr was a fucking animal! That was the only way he could describe it. Once again, even though he felt the thrill of being somewhere unfamiliar, he was feeling the fright of it as well, the fear of never knowing anything familiar again, of having to adjust to a life he didn’t want. Being a princess could be cool, but he didn’t want this life.

  Wake up, Elijah, he thought. Don’t get stuck in Advantia, please.

  I understand how you feel, his Guide said in his head, causing him to yelp in surprise.

  “I’d forgotten you were in there,” Elijah admitted. “I’m getting really tired of having you in my head.”

  You think I enjoy having to deal with your thoughts? You need to relax, have fun. Explore the palace. When I was Amanda, I used to spend my time just finding places in the palace I’d never seen before, and it was always a way for me to unwind.

  “But wouldn’t you have been everywhere then? The novelty has to wear off eventually.”

  You’d think so, but in all my years of life, I never found every room, and even the ones I’d been in before I’d forget about by the time I returned; it was the most magical feeling I’d ever had. Give it a try, and I promise you won’t regret it.

  “Okay. I’ll do that.”

  Standing up from where he’d collapsed on the ground just a minute before, Elijah threw open the doors to his room.

  Oh, and I forgot to tell you this before, but I used to play a game to see how long I could last without any maid or other worker seeing me. My record ended up being thirty-six minutes, and I doubt you’ll ever be able to beat it. You’ll be surprised at how often you’ll turn a corner to find one looking for you.

  Elijah narrowed his wide eyes and smirked.

  “Oh, just watch me. Do you have any inconspicuous clothes around here?”

  Thought you’d never ask. Like, seriously, I thought you’d forget.

  Thirty minutes later, Elijah walked out of the room, blushing furiously for several reasons, each of which Guide Amanda was already teasing him about.

  The first, obviously, was looking at his female, princessly body without clothes. If he was still in a man’s body, his hormones would be going wild for such a pretty girl doing something like that, but it just felt embarrassing and strange to be the girl doing that, plus there was the Guide in his head teasing him and giving him advice on how to remove his dress.

  And that was the second reason he was so uncomfortable and self-conscious. Who knew taking off a dress could be so difficult? It had been a grueling twenty minutes just to figure out how to remove it without ripping it, and he had almost exploded in rage, the only thing stopping him from doing so was a small voice in the back of his head telling him it was a bad idea. At first, he thought it was his Guide, but she was also talking to him, and eventually he decided it was his conscience.

  So that’s what a conscience feels like! If only us men had that…Eh, we’re probably better off without it.

  Eventually, he’d been able to fit in what resembled a black ninja suit, except it was looser, and had a special property, and no head covering. The guide told him to touch it on the chest, and after a little bit of nervous deliberation, he did just that. Instantly, the suit began to unfurl into the most beautiful black dress Elijah had ever seen, simple yet elegant in its design, like a piece of the midnight darkness was changed into clothing. He had never loved the color black in dresses, but this gave him a new appreciation for it.

  Now, here he was, outside his room, trying his best to sneak around through the palace to find any room he could, eyes roving quickly, his feet tiptoeing silently. Or, he thought he was moving silently.

  No, stop! That was a creak. Oh, there’s another one, and another. Don’t touch that stair!

  Elijah groaned at each critique from his guide, and eventually, it was a little too much for him.

  “Why don’t you help me?” He hissed, stopping halfway through a hallway.

  Well, for starters, you can move away from that hallway. You’re too much in the hallway, and you’ll get caught, and, unless you want to lose and crown me the queen, then I suggest you move.

  “By the end of this, you’ll be crowning me king.”

  Queen.

  “King.”

  Queen. When will you accept your fate?

  “When you understand it’s not my fate!”

  So, never?

  “Never,” He agreed.

  Arriving at a strange wooden door, he stopped in his tracks and reached for the knob.

  I wouldn't do that if I were you.

  “Whyever not?” Oh, damn, I said whyever. I didn’t even know that word existed.

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  His guide laughed uproariously again, and Elijah assumed if she had a body, she’d be shaking her head.

  That’s one of your mother’s offices. You’re strictly forbidden from entering this one, so you know…

  “Run?”

  Run.

  Elijah’s heart pumped as he ran down another hallway, turning a corner, and ducking behind a potted plant as a maid passed by. He was old enough to be too mature for ‘this kind of thing’—as his mom used to put it—but he couldn’t deny the thrill of this.

  You better learn to appreciate these moments, because they won’t last. The stresses of your daily life and the fact that you’re a stranger and you’ll never return to the world you came from will come back.

  “Thank you for the reminder,” He told her, sarcasm heavy ion his voice.

  I aim to please.

  “And I’m a princess.”

  You are.

  Elijah cursed under his breath, and found another flight of steps, this one curving steeply to the right before dropping off sharply, the steps turning into what seemed like a slide.

  “What is this?”

  I’m not sure, but there’s only one way to find out.

  “Only live once,” Elijah shrugged, and walked down the steps, two at a time. When he reached the end, he tried to gain momentum, but failed, tripping on the final step and tumbling down, landing at the foot of a dimly-lit, basement-like hallway.

  Wow, this place is eerie. I love it.

  “I thought you were more the pink, happy, unicorn type of princess.”

  Not mutually exclusive. I still love everything dark. Why do you think I own that dress?

  Fair point, Elijah finished, turning his words into thoughts. It felt wrong to be speaking in such an obviously lonely place; it ruined the atmosphere. Tell me when to stop.

  He began to trudge through the hallway, looking at all the black, acacia doors. How he understood they were acacia he didn’t know, but he accepted the information. Somehow, it made sense.

  Stop, Amanda.

  Please just call me Elijah, He asked her.

  How else are you going to adapt to your new name?

  Maybe I’ll just be Princess Elijah from now on!

  No, his Guide said with obvious disgust. Say that one more time, and I swear I’ll give you an aneurysm.

  You can do that? Get out of my head! Elijah felt the need to claw at his head and remove that parasite from his body.

  Don’t call me that. That’s rude.

  You’re the one who threatened to kill me!

  Just open the door.

  Scowling, Elijah reluctantly opened the door, expecting to find a dungeon inside, prepared for any predator’s twisted fantasies. Instead, he was surprised to find a nice, pretty room, big but mostly empty, mirrors inlaid on every wall reflecting the light, but otherwise the place was dark, lit only by a small chandelier on the ceiling. Still, the room was black as midnight, and he felt the need to stay in this room and unwind.

  Ever learned how to dance? Guide Amanda asked him, and Elijah shook his head.

  I know a little, but I’m not very good.

  Just try your best to dance gracefully. It’s not too difficult, and I promise I won’t critique you.

  Elijah bit his lip but nodded.

  Touching his chest, he let the black dress unfurl around him. It was small enough to allow him to move however he wanted to, but decent and pretty and that was enough for him.

  Staring at himself in the mirror, he wondered at how he could’ve ever gotten to where he was now. Everything had changed: his life, his world, even his body. He was now a woman, or at least, that’s what it looked like, and he was still trying to understand it all.

  Advantia had only been his home for a few hours, so it made sense that he would feel stressed and unadjusted to the city and palace, especially if it was to be his new permanent home. At the same time, he knew that every human needed free time, time where he could have fun. And for him, that time was now.

  So he did exactly what his Guide was telling him to. Beginning slowly, Elijah began to move around the room, ignoring the existence of his guide, ignoring the world around him, ignoring his circumstances, new acquaintances and city. Now, he was focused only on himself and the mirrors around the hall, watching the movements of his hands, feet, and dress. Slowly, he began to move faster, twisting, one foot in front of the other. Inside, he assumes he looked ridiculous, but right now, it didn’t matter. He danced with no restraints, his footwork light but quick, his body responding naturally to what his brain told him. The Guide, for once, was silent, watching him from his brain.

  This was the first time since he arrived that he felt a semblance of happiness and peace and he accepted it happily.

  He wasn’t sure how long he spent dancing, it could’ve been minutes, it could’ve been hours. There were no windows in the room, so the semblance of time did not exist.

  It was just him, the dance, and the mirror.

  Until something broke the spell.

  A rustle brought Elijah back to reality, and he stopped mid-swing, breathless, chest heaving.

  Did I imagine that? He asked his guide.

  I heard it too, in case you're wondering. You might have imagined it, though, but keep an eye out anyway.

  Walking backwards so his back touched one of the mirrors, Elijah stared around the room, paying specific attention to the open door where he had entered. It was too dark to see much, but he was sure if anyone passed, he would notice; he was too alert to miss anything important.

  Could it be a maid?

  I’m not sure, but if it is, just know that I won. It’d only been twenty-eight minutes.

  That meant he’d spent twenty minutes dancing, less than he thought, but more than he’d expected.

  Another noise came from inside the room, and now Elijah spun his head around, sure someone was in here with him.

  Do you see anyone, Amanda? He asked his guide.

  Through your eyes? She asked. No, but at least we know there is something in here with you.

  What a comfort.

  A soft metallic noise came from the far corner of the room, and Elijah wondered what it meant; Guide Amanda, however, did not.

  DUCK! She screamed, and, panicking, Elijah did it, just in time to save himself from the dagger sailing at him. It smashed into one of the mirrors, and it cracked. Through it, Elijah could see the silhouette of the cloaked man walking towards him, two daggers already in his hands.

  Oh, no, his guide said in his head. That’s a level 5 assassin. You’re dead. It was nice knowing you.