I race across the foothills, Huckens bobbing sedately in one of my limbs. I'm trying to work off the excess nervous energy from guarding him during the never-ending disassembly of the molecular forge, an entire repair bay full of integrators lurking within earshot. Minutes passed into hours before we were done, and I don't know if I'm exhausted or about to leap over a mountain.

  "I said that's not okay, Box! Don't change who I am!"

  DING

  I acknowledge the worst boxes solely to pass the travel time.

  Sighing, I do what Box requests, watching the ground blur past me even faster.

  "Is there a reason your 'numbers go up' fetish is focused on me moving quicker?"

  "...if you say so."

  Huckens ignores my singular conversation, nearly comatose from breaking down what looked like a million different parts of the molecular forge and storing them in his satchel. I'm pretty sure his snores are genuine at this point in our sprint back to the village. Scattered gray clouds drift across the slowly descending sun, bathing us in alternating bands of warmth and chill.

  A tiny, blurring patch of sky appears above me, gradually growing larger. Something throbs in that extra infonet part of my mind, a rattle of thunder against the storm-lashed room. I want to understand it, but I can't. It'll be years until I can understand it, and that's okay. I need to allow myself to be patient.

  "Box. What's that?"

  I point up at the undulating patch, finger tracking the falling incongruity as I continue my bounding run.

  "Whatever that is. It looks weird. Something falling, but I can't really focus on it."

  I trace its trajectory, my finger ending up at a familiar smudge of green just visible past the foothills.

  "...it's going to land at the village. It's going to land at the village, Box!"

  I somehow find a way to move even faster, warnings of my biomass reserves depleting not even considered. If Box doesn't know what's happening, the only thing I can do is return to the people I love as quickly as possible. I won't let there be another Wires.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  I shake Huckens awake while I race the ominously descending anomaly.

  "whu... buh..."

  "Huckens! What is that!"

  One of my limbs adjusts his face towards the plummeting aberration between ground melting strides and flickering dashes. He squints, confused, then looks over at me.

  "What are you talking about? Why did you wake me up?"

  A growl rips past my lips. How can he not see it? The wrong bit of sky is growing ever closer.

  "Box-"

  "It's... like a part of me knows there's something in the air, knows it's falling, and then another part of me says that of course there's nothing there. Like the incognito field on the shuttle but... different."

  Thunder rumbles through my infonet room again, staccato bolts of lightning striking just outside, heavy rain lashing the windows. The strength of the storm is terrifying, but it can't penetrate the room.

  "Box? Is there anything going on in the infonet? I can't figure out if you're trying to tell me something."

  I've never seen Box that panicked.

  "Huckens. Try to stay limp."

  "Whuuuuuuu-"

  I chase after Huckens' flailing form rising through the air. Maybe I could have given him more warning, but it feels like every second counts. If I can eke out even a minute by flinging him so I can run faster, it'll be worth it.

  "-uuuuuut the fuuuuuuu-"

  My limbs claw into the earth after I redirect his descent back into another lofting heave. It's working. The combination of dashing and free movement with all my limbs is speeding us up the barest amount.

  "......"

  Good, he's passed out. The yelling was distracting. The foothills race past beneath me, Box and I juggling Huckens in a headlong sprint for the now-visible forest edge. The paradoxical piece of sky continues its approach, feeling like it's drawing closer despite a part of me insisting everything's normal.

  I catch Huckens one last time and race into the treeline, dashing between the towering boles. The red leaves rustle overhead, tracing the path of an invisible wind moving impossibly straight, and I calculate its path. My eyes narrow.

  There's only one notable part of the forest in that direction. The clearing.

  Wires' tree.

  I try to push myself to move faster but I'm already at my limit.

  No. I'm not.

  I slow just long enough to place Huckens on the ground without causing him serious injury, then I'm ricocheting through the trees even faster than before, all three limbs accelerating me in countless directions. A roar fills my ears as the forest remains silent. With one last lunge, I burst into the clearing, skidding to a halt just beyond the sapling draped with half-real equipment.

  In front of me, a shape settles into the open area, raising dead leaves and dust in twisting spirals across space that remains undisturbed. There's something there. There's nothing there. A dull pain starts throbbing in my forehead.

  "Box..."

  The fallen piece of sky shimmers as I force myself to accept that it's there. I know that I'm seeing something. I know that I've seen that boxy shape with swept-back wings soaring through the open air like a dream-

  Reality shifts and my headache vanishes. There's a Hellhound perched in the clearing, dust still settling around its hulking frame, heated metal pinging at its rear. A hatch irises open beneath its narrower front end, a stepped ramp extending down to the forest floor.

  A young woman, raven hair streaked with pure white stripes, strangely-cut clothes seeming to blend into the air itself, strolls down the ramp. A low-slung furry creature that looks incredibly huggable trots at her heels. She peers at the trees as she descends, as if she's never seen them before. When her foot touches ground, she laughs lightly.

  "See, Corgia? Superstitions are stupid. Everything's taken care of. This close, their integrators are mine. The prototype's already heading our way, and that combat variant thinks I'm here as reinforcements."

  She points at me without looking, and I glare.

  "What do you want?"

  The young woman stumbles at my harsh tone, nearly dropping to a knee. She looks up at me from beneath a shifting waterfall of hair.

  "How can you... Corgi-"

  I don't wait for her to finish her surprised shout. Nothing about this person makes me feel good.

  dash

  "-a-"

  An armory of half-visible constructions blooms out of the furry creature still on the ramp, energy collecting along their wispy lines, and suddenly Pete is hissing in its face, ears pinned back and tails lashing in an endless wave of wavering void. None of it matters, though, because I have my kukri pressed up against the woman's throat, my hands and limbs restraining her against my front.

  "I've had," I swallow, "a really stressful day, and I'm trying really hard not to make violence my first resort. Why are you here?"

  She breathes in shallowly, neck twitching against the razor's edge, and I feel her starting to tense, like she's going to try something.

  At that moment, Torch charges into the clearing, rifle raised, MacWillie close behind. The veteran Idiot doesn't hesitate, aiming her rifle directly at my captive's head, eyes pinching at the sight of my limbs. MacWillie spins around, confused.

  "Aye, there's nothing here. What's the fuss-"

  "If you do anything to Sky you're dead," Torch barks, somehow ignoring the fact that I'm the one in control of the situation. Behind me, Pete and the fursausage continue threatening each other.

  Abruptly, the woman slumps in my grasp.

  "...an ambush? No... fine. This... this was not how I saw this going. Who is that person? Why don't they have an integrator?"

  I don't relax.

  "Tell me why you're here."

  "Easy... easy. I'll tell you. I was... sightseeing with my dog? We got lost?"

  The hissgrowl battle between Pete and the creature intensifies in volume, an aura of palpable menace vibrating at my back. My grip tightens around her arms and legs, limb bearing the kukri starting to vibrate.

  "I am not in a good headspace right now!"

  She gulps again, skin scraping up and down along the quivering blade. Just when I feel like we have no choice but to resort to death, she lets out a resigned breath. Behind me, an almost imperceptible clicking fills the air. I briefly turn to see the creature's weapons folding back into its body, Pete's tails slowing their whipping blur.

  "...I surrender. Peace. No más."

  I wait for the woman to continue, Torch's rifle still held steady at her head, bloody tears leaking from the Idiot's eyes, MacWillie startling at something she can suddenly see.

  "I was looking for the prototype. Thought I had it, but clearly you've got levels on me." She twitches a shoulder in MacWillie's direction, a bold move considering the razor at her throat. "That's it over there, and while I guess you have things under control here, the rest of the Voidmarch fleet is going to arrive soon, and I'm the only way you're getting off the planet." Her voice turns wheedling. "How do you feel about going halfsies?"

  The Witch of Tophet County (spoiler: go read it it's good)

  Plot-wise, our protagonist, the titular witch, is bare months away from being locked into a 100 year (and a day) contract with the local representatives of the eldritch beings who currently rule the world, and she wants nothing more than to find a way out of her magically binding deal, no matter what, because she can already tell those 100 years (and a day) are going to be a mind-melting slog of endless meetings, software updates, public planning sessions, and other vile rituals. Confounding her efforts are the local Archons (read: Eldritch Horrors) who want to make sure that the landfill is operating as planned, the minutes are properly recorded, and that the Sheriff is only liquefying actual lawbreakers. Oh, and her familiar is a three-legged raccoon named Keyser S?ze who mainly shrieks and eats garbage, so I don't know how else to tell you that this story is gloriously chaotic in all the best ways.

  Stylistically it's near flawless - I think I found maybe one grammar mistake, the dialogue is snappy and flows extremely well, and both the witch and the supporting cast of characters are fleshed out with believable motivations and depth. The comedy lands almost every single time (it's one of the rare stories where I've actually found myself laughing out loud), and there's great one offs and recurring gags that are varied enough to not get stale. Be aware that there's not much combat (as to be expected from a story about public government bureaucracy), and there's no number go up elements, so this is definitely not a progression piece. Instead, there's an ever-widening mystery that the witch may or may not want to solve, depending on how much work it might take, and if she happens to feel like it that day. The only issue I had was keeping track of all the different government entities (eldritch and otherwise), but the author has a wonderful org chart graphic to help with that so make sure you take a look at it.

  Overall, I'm extremely glad to have stumbled across this one, and cannot recommend it enough (it's going on my list of currently reading stories). The Witch of Tophet Country deserves way more readers than it currently has, so if you enjoy the more comedic elements of eldritch horror along with top-notch character and world-building, go check it out (I read through it at thirteen chapters with hopefully many more to come in the future) Rated 5/5