Friends, there have been very few times in the history of this blog in which I have used the blog for my own nefarious, vindictive purposes.  I’ve been tempted to do this many times but have abstained.  Until today. 

Today my wife got her second parking ticket in downtown Lansing, in less than six months.  This isn’t in and of itself especially blog-worthy, except for the fact that it was the same building, and the same meter reader each time.  And each time my wife was basically without fault.   The first time she parallel parked, centering herself perfectly between the two cars.  Her only fault was failing to notice that her tire was about a half inch onto the designated parking space line, which had been disregarded by the other two cars.  This time (today) she fed her meter for twenty minutes.  She arrived at her car this afternoon after approximately twenty minutes and three seconds, at which time the parking attendant was writing her a ticket.  My wife who (though I’m biased) is small, cute, harmless-looking, and a law-abider, asked her nicely to stop writing the ticket because she was, like, Right There.  The meter-maid continued writing the ticket, and then helpfully told my wife where to pay it. 

By way of context, times are tough in Michigan.  And Lansing has never been, how you say, known for its dazzlingly charming downtown area.  But one would think that for an economically-challenged, not-that-charming-to-begin-with downtown, a little courtesy and – I’ll just say it – niceness would go a long way.  But like most Midwestern, economically-hard up, blue-collar downtowns (see also: Fort Wayne, Gary, IN), Lansing has instead chosen erect condominiums and a minor league ballfield.   Time will tell. 

By way of context part two, we like Lansing.  We’ve continued to patronize downtown establishments, and we go to at least one Lugnuts game each year (see: minor league ballfield).  We love the Library of Michigan and the state museum.  However, this (the parking tickets) could end our friendly relationship with Lansing, but we’re willing to be wooed back.  It’s not us, Lansing, it’s you. 

Granted, I know that parking needs to be enforced.  But if this particular meter-reader happens to be a reader of Ted Wins. (doubtful), feel free to post an apology in the comments section.  We’ll be looking for it.  And also, feel free to lay off my wife next time she’s downtown, pumping dollars into our barely-hanging-on-by-a-thin-thread-death-rattle economy.  Besides, she’s (my wife) really nice. 

Better, still, you could refund the $37 total that we’ve spent in parking tickets in the last six months.  You can do this in a variety of ways.  The first, and most obvious, is a check.  Or, you could visit www.tedkluck.com and purchase a number of my fabulous books.  For us to re-coup the $37, taking into account royalty rates, you would only have to order 74 copies of any book (hooray for publishing contracts!).  Or you could buy eighteen Ted Wins. t-shirts at http://157119.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/Index/index.  The possibilities are endless.