Kluck Signs with Syracuse
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Grand Ledge, MI) Noted author/blogger/personality Ted Kluck has pledged his college football loyalty to Syracuse for 2010, with the option to extend indefinitely. After much deliberation, prayer, fasting, and soul searching, Kluck has decided to exclusively blog about the Orange and wear Syracuse gear on Saturdays during the college season, regardless of the setting.
Kluck held a press conference at University Reformed Church in East Lansing, where he turned the sanctuary into a media room and was resplendent in a purple suit, seated in a throne on the dais. “I just want to do this low-key,” he said. “Recruiting has gotten ridiculous.” Kluck then placed several hats on a table in front of him, recited the Declaration of Independence (from memory), said a short prayer, read from Ecclesiastes, did 100 pushups, released a small flock of doves, and then began throwing hats at the media and fans who had gathered.
“I received a really strong offer from Missouri, late in the game,” Kluck explained through a PR assistant, from a private jet en route to Syracuse. “Missouri offered a mini helmet and used long sleeve t-shirt and, I won’t lie, that was really attractive to me. But at the end of the day I couldn’t sign with a team that runs the spread offense and doesn’t use a fullback. Not using a fullback is, to me, un-American.”
Syracuse coach Doug Marrone, with his WLAF pedigree and commitment to a pro-style offense, appealed to Kluck. He believes that Syracuse will win “six or seven games” and potentially go bowling this season. “I wanted to get in on the ground floor of something special,” he explained. “Nebraska is established without me…I don’t see Missouri taking the next step…Mark Richt didn’t return one of my calls once (seriously, this happened) so Georgia was out…and Michigan State’s uniforrms look like a pee-wee team.”
Kluck will begin blogging about Syracuse Football later this week. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange for the delivery of swag.
Note: For those of you whose teams I didn’t choose…thanks for your passionate recruiting pitches. And no worries, I’ll be blogging about general college football topics as well, none of which will include Boise State or Ohio State, as ESPN has that covered.